It starts when we’re 4 or 5,

The learning of how to survive,

In a world of business and power,

Where few ever explore the flower.

And then when we’re 8 or 9,

We realize that we have a spine,

But relentless is the pressure to conform,

And we hope that we can transform.

Around the time of a teen,

We learn we must have self-esteem,

But only if we work, as forewarned,

Toward the conventions of society’s norm.

We want so badly to be “good,”

And do what we know we should,

But lost in the drive for power,

Is the soul’s last hopeful tower.

So, off to work we go,

Hoping our soul will learn to know,

A new sense of self and love,

But, it merely goes on like an ill-fitting glove.

It isn’t who we truly are,

Like putting a cloud in a race car,

And finally we realize our error,

And the all-engulfing time terror.

So, we finally engage the fear

And learn to trust in what’s clear

And work on our heart’s dream

To fuel our innermost seam.

And to the world of conformity

We say, “Following you is deformity.”

For us to be His chosen

We yield to a life less frozen.

Monday’s Post: Word of the Week: What did you think campestral meant?

Warning: Get your favorite beverage first. Maybe get two. And can I just add that I’m writing this for my gender, in general? In other words some of this will not apply to specific people within either gender!

Maxim Editor-in-Chief Dan Bova once wrote a hilarious piece on why women need men. But, dear Dan, I would like to state that men need women, too, even though we, as a gender, tend to be highly emotional, chronically-self-loathing, ridiculously verbose, and overly needy individuals, we are useful for some things. Here are a few:

1. You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for us. We actually incubate the male gender for a full nine months. Who else would endure painful childbirth to bring you into the world just so you can annoy us with your messes for the rest of our lives?

2. We diaper your rear end when you’re babies and when you’re senile. While we probably prefer the former because it’s cuter, we will diaper it when it’s senile because we love you unconditionally. We haven’t figured out why. Just consider that one of the “mysteries of life.”

3. We bathe you when you have chickenpox skin. Have you seen how gross chickenpox skin is? We reserve the right to put on hospital gloves first.

4. We listen to you scream when you get shots as children and actually tear up because you are in pain. And then we swat you on that diapered back side when you make your sister cry. Even if she did wreck your Lego Pirate Village.

5. We try to civilize you for your future wife so she doesn’t try to have you committed the first year of marriage when you spend July through early February watching nothing but football. And when you watch basketball and baseball from February to July.

6. We laugh at your potty humor-infused jokes…even when you tell them in front of our disapproving mothers.

7. We stick up for you when our disapproving mothers tell us, yet again, that we could have married better. This we do, even though we’d secretly like to kill you for giving her “ammunition.”

8. We tolerate your mother even when she cooks better than we do and you remind us of that. My advice: Chocolate and flowers are a good way to get yourself out of the doghouse if you choose this aforementioned behavior. And eat our inferior food anyway…like you can’t get enough of it.

9. Even though we know you got your romantic ideas for Valentine’s Day from Twitter that day, we still pronounce you wonderfully romantic. Hint: You might want to delete your internet browsing history.

10. We pull the $ 1.98 Walmart tag off the flowers you bought us when the kids ask, “Where did the flowers come from?” and then we visibly swoon and say, “Your daddy got them for me from the ‘flower shop.’ Isn’t he thoughtful?” And you’re still wondering why that’s oh, so wrong. But, you do get points for the flowers.

11.  We remember your parents’ anniversaries, your parents’ and siblings’ birthdays and Christmas for you so that you can appear to be the best brother and son on Earth. Sometimes we even buy stuff for them and just say it was from you. And then we only smile when you get all the credit. I hate to break it to you, but your mom and sisters know we bought them that stuff.

12.  We immediately become helpless when a spider appears in your presence. We also have an urgent desire to cook with pickles while you are present. However, we somehow manage to kill the spiders and open the pickle jar when you’re not around.

13.  We close our eyes when you drive like Mario Andretti on the freeway. And we pray that you have the same skills as Mario. If you don’t, we pray that you have the same amount of money in your bank account as Mario. You’ll have to forgive us if we grab the door handle involuntarily after a near “airbag-deploying” stop.

14.  We go to the bathroom in the middle of the night, let our tushies splash into icy, cold, unsanitary toilet water from your failure to put down the seat yet again and quietly wipe off our cold, wet tushies, put down the seat, actually flush the toilet, wash our hands with LOTS of soap, and then go to the living room to watch TV for two hours. Why? Because ice-cold tushies tend to induce female insomnia and we don’t want to wake you. When you find us in the living room two hours later and ask if there is something wrong, we smile and say, “No. Just can’t sleep again.” And then we leave the knives and the ice pick in the kitchen.

15.  We pick up your Legos, various balls, and myriad of matchbox cars after stepping on them in our bare feet at night and then go bandage our feet. If your hair is a bit shorter in the morning, we have no idea how that happened.

16.  We make your favorite dishes as requested, even when we are bone-tired….and have to go to the store at midnight to get the ingredients. We even manage to squelch our overwhelming desire to become a Tourette’s Syndrome patient while at the store.

17. We remember your schedule better than you do. You show up on time, wearing something from this century and we tell you what a stud you are in said outfit, even though you complained loudly (The citizens of Bangladesh actually filed a noise complaint.) when we picked it out for you.

18. We remember what size you wear. Because you seldom visit a store unless forced. See # 17.

19.  We remember your kids’ names, kid’s birthdays, kids’ friends’ names, kids’ boyfriends’ and girlfriends’ names, kids’ boyfriends’ and girlfriends’ parents’ names, and a partridge in a pear tree. In fact we even have bird seed for the partridge.

20. We carry your stuff in our purses, even when you complain about how big our purses are. We add a mammoth, rarely fashionable diaper bag for the baby and toddler years and then you wonder why we ask you to rub our backs and necks periodically. And, we listen to you complain about having to carry our big purse and diaper bag because we are juggling YOUR child or children.

21. We stretch $ 2.50 so that it will cover the night’s dinner expense and the son’s new shoes (now needed because he jumped in every mud puddle between here and Bangladesh). Even when you give us grief for visiting every garage sale in the neighborhood on the way home from the store at midnight after buying ingredients for your favorite dish.

22. We balance one kid in our arms, balance another on a leg, and still manage to balance the checkbook.

23. We feed Fluffy and Fido, because we would like them to quit eating the brand new furniture.

24. We keep the family schedule in our heads. Why? Because if you were responsible for all of that, you’d have to actually put something on your calendar.

25. We admire your muscles, even if your tattoo is drooping. Because…even though the seat is still up, and you can’t remember your own birthday, we are crazy enough to think we can’t live without you.

Tomorrow’s Post: The Ration of Passion

Since today is all about passion and pursuing love, today I’d like to share about my passion for my readers. Here is the “gift” I hope to leave all of you:

1. That you will pause to think. So much of our lives are “automated” now, whether that is because of technology or because we have so many routine things to do each day. While technology is a wonderful aid and the to-do list does need to get done, I fear that our society is failing to think because of these two “tyrannies” and think creatively. And if we fail to think, we fail to solve the pressing problems of our day and of our society. Honestly, I think that is a lot of why Congress can’t seem to get anything done these days.
2. That you will find your passion. I have spent over 50 years denying myself the one thing that truly makes me happy. And while my circuitous route of denial has taught me a lot, the fact remains that I probably could have been a much more productive citizen had I decided to pursue writing in my early days. I hope you don’t make that mistake. But if you have, fear not! Even us old people can pursue many passions.
3. That you will embrace your passion. I feel that all of us are here for a reason–a reason that no one else can achieve. When you embrace your passion and pursue it, great things happen. For you and everyone around you.
4. That you will act. Too much of the world thinks great thoughts and then abandons them. There is much need and much soul poverty going on in our world and it often causes even more heartache for those who do try to act and give something to the world in a positive way. In doing that, you may find you gave something to yourself.
5. That you will share. I know it’s scary to post things in an open web site, such as this, but you are my “teachers.” When you share your own experiences, it enriches mine and often enriches others.
6. That you will become the best version of yourself. This, unfortunately, doesn’t happen overnight. Oh, how I wish it would. But, the honest truth is that sometimes we just aren’t ready for evolving into the next version of ourselves and have to be “pushed” into it. But, in so doing, I believe that we affect so many in a great way.
7. That you will love others more than yourself. I am denying a huge part of myself right now to do this blog, honestly. But, I believe in doing my best to help you on your journey to your “best version.” When I am focused on that, I edge, ever so slightly, towards being my best version.
8. That you will laugh. So far the blog is pretty serious. But, I am in the “learning curve” of this blog, so hang in there with me. When we laugh, it’s easier to learn and explore.
9. That you will explore. Venture into a new area, one that intrigues you in a good way. Learning is the great age-defying secret of our world and there is plenty of it at our fingertips now. So, be curious. Investigate. Research. Learn….and perhaps, most importantly, “bookmark.”
10. That you will face your fears and get honest. I put these two items together because our society is scared of honesty! Being honest is often a very unnerving activity. I am often accused of being “too honest.” But, I don’t believe in playing “mind games.” My experience is that honesty often invites others to be honest and leads to confronting our foibles and eventually leads to that better version I hope we all strive to achieve. Facing our fears often leads to the same outcome.

When we become the best version of ourselves (or approach it as closely as we can), it is liberating. It is a freedom our forefathers envisioned for our country. It is worth giving everything to see it to fruition. It is, for at least a brief glimpse, Heaven.

Tomorrow’s Post: Why Men (and Boys) Need Women…

I first put this on FB a few years ago, but having spent some time at Wal-Mart last weekend, I can assure you that our little town’s Wal-Mart will be almost identical to this today:

Some folks think that Wally World is, quite frankly, “The Devil”. (Adam Sandler would be so proud.) This would be particularly true of the folks who used to work there, like two of my children. 

But the store comes in mighty handy for a variety of reasons in “my domain,” (Jerry Seinfeld would be so proud.) since I don’t have the option of a Target nearby. It’s close to my house; it’s open 24 hours a day for those nights when you’ve run out of cough syrup and your kid can’t stop hacking; it’s cheap; it has wide aisles (Anyone from JC Penney listening to this??? Hint, hint.) and it’s one-stop shopping.

I spend so much time at Wally World that the LSH once said he was simply going to deposit his paycheck there and let them debit our account because that’s where all our money went anyway. So, on my 89th trip to Wally World this week (and I have another trip already planned for tomorrow, because I forgot one more item I need for this weekend) I noticed something very interesting….

There are nearly as many people at Wally World on February 13th as there are when the school supply lists first come out! And that time of the year is plain nuts…the only diff between that time of the year and this time of the year would be that the very same aisle is awash with red, pink, white and black as opposed to psychedelic colors on a sea of pocket folders.

I first encountered a sea of humanity by a giant display of every rose bouquet imaginable…let’s get the crud out of here! I then tried to get down the stuffed toy aisle…too many baseball caps, sweatshirts and jeans and honestly…testosterone.

I then tried to go down the Valentine candy aisle and it was full of shopping carts and purses and women on cell phones with frustrated looks on their faces (My bet is that Junior forgot to give his mom the note that said she needed to provide 24 treats for the class tomorrow and they couldn’t be red in color.).

I gave up and decided to just cruise through the sock aisle to pick up some better “walking sox” and of course, in my rush to get back to the checkout before Kyle deadened my car battery from rocking out to tunes in the car, had to go through the ladies lingerie section…..not a soul anywhere around those lacy, frilly, red numbers. Actually, very little pedestrian traffic at all in that section.

Nooooo comment.

Tomorrow’s Post: Love Letter to My Readers

Last week’s Sandy Hook honoree was Daniel Barden, who liked drums. Since I live with two percussionists, the LSH and I went to our local music store and searched the extensive offerings of drumsticks for a few sets that would help out our local church. (We have a contemporary service each Sunday.) When the owner of the store learned that we were giving the drumsticks to our church, he not only gave us a discount, but he also gave us a free set of drumsticks! What a generous man!  I felt like we were the ones receiving the act of kindness!

A relative of ours said he gave a larger than usual tip to his server at his local restaurant as his act of kindness this past week, so the MIP 26 Acts of Kindness stands at 7 and we are only two weeks into this little “campaign.” What did you do for your act or acts of kindness this week? (And yes, it’s okay to just say you completed an act or acts of kindness.)

Today’s honoree is one of the staff members at Sandy Hook Elementary and in light of the holiday we will be celebrating this coming Thursday, it is truly sad to read about Rachel D’Avino. But, I hope her example will become an example to us all and that we will make sure she did not die in vain:

Rachel D’Avino, 29

The Word of the Week last Monday was: baba. A lot of you wondered if baba was a term of endearment from another language, such as the word for grandmother. Many of you thought it might be Russian or Dutch. MIP readers are sooo smart–baba is a French and Polish word and originally referred to an elderly woman! But, today baba is a rich cake soaked in a rum and sugar syrup. Sounds like something I should refrain from having if I ever want to see some weight loss. *sigh*

This week’s word is: campestral. As usual, submit your guess below and no using a dictionary! If you use a dictionary, I will be forced to hit you with a baba. (I suppose there are worse punishments.) Here are my guesses for campestral:

campestral (kam-ˈpes-trəl) 1. That which pertains to a camping situation. 2. Describing the temporary abode of an extraterrestrial. 3. Where Hilary sends Bill during a Presidential campaign.

Tomorrow’s Post: What did you do for your Act of Kindness this week?

He numbs the world

By distance and space,

Or rapid-fire toxic waste

In the form of abuse

From chemical substance.

He quietly walks

Thru doors of his own choosing

And leaves the others behind

That are open wide

For the taking.

If he only knew

That we still see inside

How we would hew

The best of his pride

A change cannot come

Without pain’s clear expression

But he still hides

The truth of all of his distraction

How we long to assist

The one of our intentions

How we wish he would reach out

For friendship’s love extensions

Our fear is he will die

Before our intervention

But Heaven wants better

Than mere weak observation

May God protect

The man of misdirection

Until the day comes

Of a heart’s resurrection.

Monday’s Post: What does baba mean? And what’s the new Word of the Week?

What do psoriasis, migraines, arthritis, and gum disease all have in common? They are all newly-discovered risk factors for heart disease. If I had my two heart attacks today, I could no longer answer “No” to every heart disease risk factor question. Why?

Because I have had migraines for nearly 47 years and they don’t appear to be permanently going away any time soon. But, they, in and of themselves, are a huge risk factor for heart disease now. The kicker is that one of the meds I was taking to prevent migraines in 1999 actually increased my risk for heart attacks! In fact, several medications that I was taking back then for various “routine” health conditions were all huge problems for someone at risk for heart attacks!

Those who experience auras with their migraines are much more at risk for heart attack than those who don’t. So, if you are a migraine sufferer with auras, that means you need to eat right, exercise regularly and talk to your doctor NOW. You might be on a medication that could throw you into a heart attack just like me, since this is a relatively new finding!

Also, not getting enough sleep can increase your risk! What?! Yep, that’s right. Why? Because a lack of sleep increases your stress level and stress can increase the inflammatory response of the body. So, knock off the coffee in the afternoon and choose decaf or better yet, simple little water.

What else does this mean? We should all be brushing and flossing our teeth regularly. Such a simple thing to do, but how many of us slack on this? And if your arthritis is out of control or your psoriasis is out of control, you need to be talking to your doctor as well. Why? Because these are all inflammatory diseases and there is now a link between inflammation in the body and the potential for having a heart attack.

In addition, you should know the heart attack symptoms and get yourself to an ER or doctor’s office immediately if you experience these symptoms. Lastly, you need to be eating right, taking your vitamins, and exercising regularly, not only to prevent heart attacks, but also to increase your chances of surviving one, should you have one. A woman is diagnosed with breast cancer every 2.5 minutes; a woman has a heart attack every minute. Heart attacks are the # 1 killer of women and I came ridiculously close to being a part of that statistic in 1999.

Don’t make the mistake of thinking you are too healthy to have a heart attack like moi. Be smart. Be the hero. Do your job for those you love–take care of you!

Point to Ponder Challenge # 1: Visit this link to learn more about how migraines (and taking certain contraceptives) can increase the risk for heart attacks. 

Point to Ponder Challenge # 2: Are you getting enough sleep at night? (Preferably 7-8 hours per night) What can you do to change that pattern, if not? No more caffeine after 3 pm? Yoga or pilates before bed? Drinking warm milk (has tryptophan and is actually pretty tasty with some sweetener and Mexican vanilla!) before bed? Turning off the TV? Reading a book? Praying? Singing (Probably best to do this in your head, if you have “roomies”!)? Taking a warm shower? Lavender Pillow Spray? Make a “sleep log” and see if any of your interventions are working.

Point to Ponder Challenge # 3: Psoriasis sufferer? Visit this link and then make a visit to your doc if new meds may be warranted.

Point to Ponder Challenge # 4: Bad about brushing/flossing your teeth regularly? No? Visit this link to learn why it’s important. Then, get busy and brush those teeth and keep that floss handy!

Point to Ponder Challenge # 5: Arthritis bringing you down? Visit this link and learn what you can do to reduce your risk for heart disease by curbing arthritis’ impact on your life. Then, go exercise! Yes, exercise. It actually reduces arthritis over time. And I highly recommend a Tempur-Pedic bed, if you can afford it…my arthritis is almost 100% gone because of exercise and that cushy bed. And I sleep a whole lot better, which just took care of Challenge # 2! Boom! I love it when a plan comes together. 🙂

Tomorrow’s Post: The Man of Misdirection

Scanning is a good thing, normally. It’s what got me through college and grad school. But, this is not one of those times. Please read (at least) Part 1 of this series to understand the following:

1. Think you can miss 14 years of your life?  Here’s what happened during the last 14 of mine:  The eldest DS graduated from High School and College.  He made the Dean’s List and has a full-time job now.  The DD graduated from high school and college.  She got engaged.  She got married.  The DSL graduated from high school  and college, too. The DD got a full ride into grad school. The LSH and I celebrated our 20^th, 25^th, and 30th anniversaries.  I went to Europe with the LSH.  I was a bridesmaid again.  All 3 of my kids got their driver’s licenses.  I eulogized my mom and dad at their funerals.  I lost several aunts and uncles.  I lost my best friend.  I walked 60 miles in 3 days to celebrate and honor her life.  I completed a master’s degree.  I gave up a great job to help 50+ of the best students at our town’s university.  I passed the National Licensing Exam for counselors. I went to Alaska with the LSH. I have a “sea” of adopteds that I would give my life up for anytime, any place. We discovered that the eldest DS has ADD.  We discovered that the youngest DS has Sensory Processing Disorder, is gifted and has vision focusing problems.  The youngest DS got into his favorite college. We’ve ordered his HS graduation announcements. In other words, I’m glad I stuck around, even on the bad days.
2. Here’s what’s on the docket for the next 14, God willing:  The DD and DSL will welcome a healthy child into their home and I’ll get to spoil that kid rotten (The DD and DSL do not get a choice about this!); the eldest DS will find the woman of his dreams and advance his career; I will be successful blogging and finally publish a book; the youngest DS will graduate from high school and college and find the woman of his dreams; the LSH and I will celebrate our 35^th, 40^th, and 45th anniversaries; we will watch another several adopteds get married; we will watch a few more nieces and nephews get married.  In other words, embrace the barbell, even on the bad days.
3. You are not replaceable.  God put you here because He has a mission for you that only you can complete.  Don’t kid yourself.
4. I care about you even when you think you are unworthy of such care.  I care about you even when you think I’m not looking.  I may just be a little busy holding my barbell to show you that, and still working on yanking out my selfish weeds.

Point to Ponder Challenge # 1: What happened in the last 14 years of your life? Make a list. What is likely to happen in the next 14 years of your life? Make another  list.What needs to change so you can be around for that second list? Start working on THAT list today. 

Point to Ponder Challenge # 2: Watch “It’s a Wonderful Life.” What events took place in your lifetime only because of your presence for those events? What else do you want to “make happen” in the next decade? What is the first step to making at least one of those things happen?

Tomorrow’s Post: What really causes heart attacks

This post will make much more sense if you at least read Part 1. But, if you enjoy “living in the dark,” turn on a light and read on:

1. When you are a heart attack survivor, your family suffers.  They now can’t take certain drugs because of my little adventure in 1999.  They have to get a flu shot every year.  Getting health insurance at a lower rate is tricky now.  Changing jobs is out of the question for your spouse due to your health history.  Most people have never heard of my little heart condition and they are constantly having to explain it to doctors. Yeah, doctors.  It’s that rare.  My kids “freak” every time I sneeze.  They know I most likely will revisit 1999 someday.  When one of their 2nd moms/wife’s friends dies, it does them in.  Why?  Because those moms took care of them while I was in the hospital and it reminds them how close they came to losing their own mom/own wife in 1999.
2. I am loved.  I sorta knew this, but now I REALLY know it.  17 messages on your answering machine every day for 2 weeks straight will remind you just how fortunate you are to live in Small Town TX and be in two great families.
3. Life is a learning adventure.  Never stop learning…it’s as good as the wrinkle cream, too.
4. Learn from the next generation.  They are fun, cool, smart, loving, interesting people.  Get to know them.  Respect them.  Love them–they deserve it.
5. Connect with your generation.  They know why you’re as warped as you are.  They know all the lyrics to the stupidest show in history–Gilligan’s Island, and they will help you “Celebrate Good Times” and not laugh when you want to put on your, your, your, your, your boogie shoes and boogie with you.
6. Laughter IS the best medicine.  Marry someone who makes you laugh when you’re ready to cry.  Do stupid stuff like dancing in the shower and smashing confetti eggs on people’s heads.  Better than the wrinkle cream and I’ve grown to loving laugh lines on people. 🙂  They’re sexy, if you ask me.  Yes, I said that.
7. Listen to the older generation.  They’ve been where you are hopefully going and where you are right now.  If they’ve made it to old age, that means they know how to get you to the next phase of your life intact.  Most are amazingly upbeat, despite a wide variety of challenges and repeatedly going to funerals.  And they don’t mind if you drone on about your children….a big plus!
8. Every big, bad, mean, black cloud has a silver lining.  Every. Single. One.  It may take 10 years to find it, but it will show itself eventually.  Hang in there.  Learn what you can learn from it.

Point to Ponder Challenge # 1: Hug a family member and tell them, “I love you.” It may be your last chance to do so. 

Point to Ponder Challenge # 2: Seek out someone from a different generation and spend an hour asking them questions about subjects that aren’t your area of expertise.