Jun
The Effect of Other “Women”…
Warning: Get a beverage first.
In case you hadn’t heard, June is Dairy Month. At my house, it’s Dairy Year…every year. Why? Because the hubby works for an agricultural company that sells to dairy farmers. Early on in my relationship with said husband, I figured out that I had some competition for his affections…the four-legged kind. I did emphatically state that I wanted me to be at the top of his affection list, but I have always known that, after me (and now our daughter), bovine female creatures are his next love…mooing and all. Here’s what I’ve endured after 31 years of such competition:
1. An over proliferation of cow-themed mugs. So much so that I’ve had to send the less significant ones to garage sales twice just to make room for more.
2. Cow-themed birthday, anniversary, and Mother’s Days cards. I tend to forgive this provided I haven’t already seen one 14 times and if they’re pretty humorous.
3. Giving out cow-themed thank you and Christmas cards, complete with the company logo.
4. Extra amounts of Febreze to counteract the bovine smell emanating from the hubby’s clothing. Lysol also works when it manages to infiltrate the washer and dryer.
5. When noting the above, hearing my hubby’s response of “Smells like money to me.”
6. A higher water bill because the hubby has to get the bovine smell off of his body as well.
7. A large collection of dairy boots in assorted sizes outside my garage door, usually with remnants of bovine manure still encrusted on them.
8. Cow-themed wall paper in my hubby’s office.
9. Cow-themed knick-knacks, glass milk bottles, and cow pictures throughout my home.
10. A garage full of supplies to be sold and given to existing and potential clients.
11. Entertaining a house-full of distributors and sales managers as they meticulously discuss cow “proofs.” Don’t ask–trust me–you don’t want to know.
12. Knowing exactly how cows get pregnant. Let’s just say that a “walk in the woods” has taken on a whole new meaning at our house.
13. A remarkable amount of black-and-white decor throughout the house.
14. Cow-themed t-shirts that so fill up my drawers that the local clothing charity has enough to keep 4 cities fully clothed for 2 years.
15. Dirty cars and broken windshields. When the hubby routinely traverses rocky, dusty, and muddy country roads, complaining about the aforementioned usually falls on deaf ears.
16. My car conversations being interrupted by a sudden head jerk by the hubby when he finds a new dairy he never knew existed before.
17. Understanding exactly what TPI is and why it’s important in the bovine industry.
18. Answering his cell phone non-stop because cows don’t understand normal working hours.
19. Living in small towns and out in the boonies because the hubby gets claustrophobic if there’s less than an acre between him and his next door neighbor.
20. Knowing that the s word is not considered swearing by most dairy farmers.
21. Losing a weekend date due to clipping cows for the 4-H Dairy Show that weekend.
22. Reminding my 4-H kids that using the s word is NOT okay inside our household no matter how many times they heard it at the Dairy Show last weekend.
23. Knowing why spray paint is important. Again, don’t ask.
24. Having 4 large coffee pots in my garage for the State Holstein Show breakfast.
25. Dressing my kids in Halloween costumes remarkably resembling cows.
26. Wearing cow-themed sweatshirts for the family Christmas picture.
27. Knowing exactly where that side of beef in the freezer originated.
28. Having to delicately explain what my hubby does for a living to “city folks.”
29. Despite explaining delicately, watching city folks respond with wide open mouths.
30. Realizing that dairy farmers don’t usually live next door to IHOP, Ikea, and Pier 1 Imports.
31. Empathetic smiling while my hubby explains why restaurants should serve butter as opposed to margarine to a very irritated waiter or waitress.
Despite all of the above, there have been multitudinous benefits to being married to “Dairy Boy,” so most of these things seem rather trivial after trips overseas and to Alaska, steaks every night for dinner, and a beautiful home, so I’ll keep on enduring the above for all the “perks” that come with it. Just don’t send me another cow mug.
Monday’s Post: What do you think eidetic means?
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