Book Club Lovers: Author Jane Christmas has offered to answer questions regarding her book, And Then There Were Nuns, for our book discussion this month. How do you feel about this possibility? Please comment below or send me an email. Click here to email. Thank you! And she just shocked the tar out of me today with the passage I read!

My next two favorite posts are, once again, an illustration of going from the sublime to the ridiculous. If you don’t know what I mean you may want to click here or here to see the other posts in this series!

Number 8:

The New Information on Prinzmetal Angina…

I completely understand why this post is not one of the most viewed items on MIP. It’s factual and probably not that entertaining. But, when I was first diagnosed with Prinzmetal Angina I was told that 1 out of 2 Prinzmetal Angina patients never even make it through their first heart attacks. Since Prinzmetal patients are often diagnosed in the prime of their lives (often in their 20s or 30s), this death rate leaves countless young children and spouses with a missing, but essential person in their lives at an age when few are expecting to say goodbye to their wives, husbands, mothers or fathers. That death rate is unacceptable to me and to the 139,000 other Americans who live with this condition–a condition that is not mitigated by exercise, eating right or taking your heart medications regularly.

When you’re in the hospital recovering from a heart attack, you’re strapped down, almost literally, by a pile of machines. Thus, you can’t go anywhere. You have a LOT of time to think. While in the hospital the first time, I found it astonishing that I had survived at all. I couldn’t fathom any logical reason why I would survive while all the other patients in the CICU that week never made it out of there (except in a hearse). One of the few reasons I believe I survived is that I have a “big mouth,” both in speech and in writing. And so, I believe I’m here to spread the word about Prinzmetal Angina and to suggest that more research needs to be done to prevent Prinzmetal deaths. In the 14 years intervening between my two sets of heart attacks, we do know more and let’s hope we learn even more in the next 10 to 15, when I probably will re-enter the hospital with heart attacks yet again (a near certainty for Prinzmetal patients).  And finally, I believe I’m here to remind folks that you can have heart attacks even if you do everything right; thus, it makes sense to take care of yourself so that you have an excellent chance of recovering from those heart attacks. My belief about that probably saved my life 4 times in 14 years. Still want to pick up that donut or cigarette? Put it down now and click here.

Number 7:

Lessons Learned from My Dentist…

One thing I noticed, as my parents aged, was that they had a never-ending series of medical appointments to keep. This and attending the funerals of their friends became a full-time job when retired. I, myself, have chosen to work from home, at least for now, because similar things are happening to me. This is not encouraging since I’m still in my early 50s. Since I don’t have interesting discussions at the water cooler anymore, visiting the dentist semi-annually can become the highlight of my day. (Pretty soon I’m going to be talking to random strangers who all try to get away from me as fast as they can.) Click here to see what I mean.

Friday’s Post: The 12 Days of MIP: 6 & 5…

You might also like: The 12 Days of MIP: 10 & 9…; The 12 Days of MIP: 12 & 11; and The Odd Days of December

If you read my post from last Wednesday, then you know I’m in the midst of revealing my 12 favorite posts from this past year which most likely will not make it into the Top 10 or Top 12 of what all of my readers viewed most frequently. Why 12? Because I adore the Christmas song, “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Thus, this is my little tribute to that illusive bird known as the partridge. Seriously, how many of you have actually seen a partridge???

These posts all missed the top 12 in viewership by a “hair.” May I conclude that you still liked them? Just not as much as the Top 10 or 12 (which I will reveal in January)? I hope so.  Here are # 10 and # 9 and why I consider them my favorites.

Number 10:

“Because I Want to Be with You…”

When I started MIP I wasn’t sure I wanted my Christian viewpoint to take “center stage” in what I posted. But, little by little, God worked on my heart and I realized the whole point of my writing is to work on building a closer relationship with Him. While not every post will be evident of this, a great many of them reveal just how blessed I feel to have Him in my life. This post recounts the beginning of the realization that it was okay to be publicly open about my Christianity, despite an increasingly secular world viewpoint. I debated, for a long, long time whether or not to post this story because it makes me sound crazy and because I hope to fictionally include it in my first book. But, finally, I just couldn’t stand not sharing it, much like Jeremiah just couldn’t stop prophesying. Click here to either review that story or to read it for the first time!

Number 9: 

Lessons Learned from a Routine Examination…

This post is probably the total reverse of the tone of # 10! Because of my health adventures, I have to endure a lot of examinations and hospitalizations. The medical community’s major mistake is to actually make a writer wait for such stuff. It gives me entirely too much time to construct my next posts about the embarrassing and silly things doctors and nurses ask one to endure to take care of health issues. Yes, some of this is definitely fictionalized, but it is oh, so based on actual reality. Click here to laugh again or to get your first insight into the nonsense that is my life.

Monday’s Post: Do you fard? (I beg your pardon!)

You might also like: The 12 Days of MIP: 12 & 11; The Odd Days of December; and Don’t Need Any More Stuff This Christmas? How About This?

Book Club Members: Friday is the day! Are you ready to discuss Undaunted?

Warning: You might want to get your favorite beverage first!

1. “Pain is weakness leaving the body.” This is a favorite saying of my eldest child, who has endured 7 painful surgeries due to sports injuries. However, the older I get, the more I realize that this saying could be applied to our internal hurts and sorrows. If we embrace that pain and walk through it, we do become stronger individuals, capable of brave things we never thought we could endure before the pain arrived.
2. “The harder one works, the luckier one gets.” When I was a young married woman with few financial resources, I’m not sure the hubby and I liked this one, but it has proven to be true, particularly for my workaholic hubby. What he may fail to realize is that in that hard work, he has gone from an impulsive, brash upstart to someone who now garners a lot of respect from his colleagues. Is the brash guy still there, occasionally? Yes, but only when brashness will make everyone more fortunate.
3. “The best thing you can do for your children? Love your spouse.” We forgot this one when we were deeply in the throes of the expensive proposition of raising three bold children. Babysitters were expensive and even more so for our motley crew (No, not the band.) and thus, we put weekly dates on the back burner. Our marriage started falling apart in the process. But, once we both acknowledged that we weren’t making enough time for each other, we found ways to incorporate that date into our very tiny budget. We got creative about finding free things to do with each other. And the result? I am more in love with my man than I was on the day I said, “I do.” And the kids? They now value a marriage in which couples fight…to stay together.
4. “Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream, Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, Life is but a dream.” Notice it doesn’t say row someone else’s boat! And if you have ever rowed a boat, you know what hard work that really is! It takes a coordinated effort of a paddle that often seems to have a mind of its own. It takes muscles that are often painfully developed. It takes determination even when those muscles hurt, even if rowing downstream!  And yet this taxing activity we are asked to do gently. Why? Because if you row your boat violently, you may crash into something, like someone else’s boat and endanger others in the process. If you are fortunate only to endanger yourself, that forces someone else to row your boat, at the very minimum or destroys “the boat”! Even though rowing a boat gently is often hard work, this childhood song reminds us to do it “merrily.” Notice that rowing is only repeated 3 times, while merrily is repeated 4 times! (And yes, this is probably because of the imposition of a song on this little saying, but it’s still rather interesting to me!) One can work one’s rear end off, but if we angrily do it or fearfully do it, we are going to tire much more quickly than if we endeavor to “find the silver lining” and do it merrily. We get farther by being joyful about our hard work. And last but certainly not least, life is but a dream in several ways. If we row our boats gently and merrily, we will probably create, in time, a dreamy life, but it also reminds me that this life is temporary—it’s the “Matrix” (Thank you, Keanu Reeves.) and our real life is in Heaven with God. Thus, it’s okay if I don’t learn these lessons the first time, because God’s got my next life all lined up for me and it truly will be a dreamy life.
5. “Love your neighbor.” Even though God is a God of judgment and mercy, note that Jesus does not say, “Love and judge your neighbor.” This is difficult for parents to remember, because in loving our children as we should, we often have to judge our children’s behavior—it’s our job! And if one has trained to be a counselor as I have, the insurance agency and even the psychology field to a degree, requires us to “categorize people” into “disorders.” Thus, because I have played both roles, I find myself judging people a lot. But, God only asks us to love people and let Him do the judging. Does loving someone mean that I always agree with them or their choices? Nope. Does it mean that when they hurt me it doesn’t “OUCH!”? Nope. Does it mean that I condone their treatment of me when hurting me? Nope. It just means I choose to regard them as well as I would like to be regarded—that Golden Rule thing. I can still respect someone’s dignity even if I don’t agree with them. I can still pray for things to be okay with them. I can still reach out and show that person kindness. In praying for that person effectively, I also find I have to put myself in their shoes. Usually, in praying for them, I find that it’s really tough to be in their shoes, and their choices (even the ones that hurt me) make a little more sense. And thus, I can find the beginnings of love and respect for that person. Since Jesus also told us our neighbor may be someone from another country, a place I’ve never visited or experienced, just loving people, without judgment, is a very huge task. If I’m loving people as I should, then I really don’t have time to judge people! Thankfully, if others also love their neighbors, then we eventually get around to loving everyone and helping them succeed in becoming people who “row their own boat.”

What adages seem to be oh, so true for you? Comment below.

Friday’s Posts: Slow Reader Friday & the January 2014 MIP Book Club Selection!

You may also like:  The Odd Days of November and A Real Scare

Book Club Readers: The MIP Reading Plan is up for November’s book! Click here to see it!

Warning: Get your favorite beverage first. 

What I’m about to discuss is not even known among a lot of my friends and family. Perhaps I should send them all smelling salts by FedEx first? If I am blessed to call you a friend or a family member, just do me a favor–sit down first, okay? And if you have a heart condition, take your meds first. But, I promise…it’s going to be all right.

In April 2013 I did my annual check-ups. Yes, plural. I have to do one for my heart condition and one for the female stuff. I have been doing the former ever since 1999 when I first discovered I had Prinzmetal Angina. The latter I should have been doing all along, but honestly, like a lot of women, I had lapsed on that exam for several years.

Enter my best buddy, Kim. Kim, like me, grew weary of the annual exams where our doctors usually chew us out for weighing too much, not exercising enough, and not eating right. Thus, when she felt a lump in her breast, she ignored it. If Kim were here, she would tell you that is the stupidest thing she’s ever done and she paid the ultimate price for that neglect: her life.

Thus, I resolved to be a better medical patient and started going to my annual female appointment again. This includes a routine mammogram due to my age. Normally, these come back just fine, despite having the very common, usually “no-big-deal” fibro-cystic disease.

This year, I got a very short report saying that they needed to re-do the test. That was it. I kept reading the report to try and discern whether the “re-do” was because they hadn’t gotten a clear pic of the “girls” or if they suspected a tumor. Even when I called to schedule this new mammogram, the receptionist wouldn’t specify why I was doing the test again. However, the scary part is that the radiologist would give me the results right away–I would not have to wait 10 days to hear whether or not everything was okay. I considered this both good and bad news.

They couldn’t schedule the re-test right away. Not good for a woman who can make mountain ranges out of an anthill. I considered whether I wanted to relay this to my family for prayer requests or whether I just wanted to “go it alone” with my husband and a few close friends who understood all too well the ramifications of what this test might mean for me. I decided on the latter. The friends told me this was very common and that often, women’s breasts calcify as they age and most of the time, these calcifications are not harmful in any way.

Finally the day came for doing the re-test. The technician did finally confirm that my breasts were calcifying and that these calcifications had grown considerably since my last annual exam. Not only did I have to redo the original scans, but now I had to endure even more uncomfortable positions for this test. Basically, they tried to wring out my breasts like a dish rag and since I’m a C cup, this was not exactly my favorite thing to do on a Monday morning. But, I survived, probably because my other health adventures have taught me a lot about surviving stupid medical pain.

As I waited with the lovely enormous pink paper towel (I didn’t know the Jolly Green Giant had breasts.) over the top part of my bod for the technician or the radiologist to return, I was actually calm. All I can say is that faith in God and the prayers of my family and friends intervened there.

The technician came back and said that the questionable spots on the mammogram appeared to be just calcifications and I needed to confirm this again with another mammogram in late October. I scheduled the appointment and returned home.

Being the researcher that I am, I got on WebMD and discovered that 98% of the time the re-mammogram of such calcifications proves to be nothing to worry about. That was even more calming news. I let those who had been praying know that all seemed to be okay for now.

Enter the health adventures of the last 4 months. Let me just add that my annual heart check-up went extremely well, so I was not prepared for my heart to go berzerk in June and then to create a clot in one of my ventricles this past August. As I recuperated from all of that mess, my mind periodically remembered the eventual October appointment. Again, I thought, “Should I tell more of my family and friends?” Most of them were in rather large transitions themselves and it seemed silly to tell them about something that was probably going to be okay. However, I had seemed to be okay heart-wise as well. And look how that turned out! My luck was pretty much non-existent!

I decided to only tell a few more people about the situation and proceeded with last Monday’s test. Again I lived through the “booby-trap” process I had endured in the original re-test. (I’m thinking a vise grip would have been kinder to my poor left side.) And this time the radiologist saw no reason to re-test until my next female exam in 2014. Yay! Hallelujah! Thanks be to God!

In the meantime one reader friend has also had to deal with an actual diagnosis of breast cancer. It is just scary how many women I know who face these rather unnerving, somewhat painful experiences every day and seldom tell a lot of people simply because they just don’t want to worry people unnecessarily.

The good news? Even if diagnosed, your chances of surviving are awesome today, particularly if you are diagnosed at Stage 1 and Stage 2. In fact I just learned that a vaccine is expected for breast cancer in 10 to 15 years. The friend recently diagnosed said that our country is full of great resources and support, often only a phone call or web site away.

So, dear lady readers: Is it time for a check-up? If so, make that appointment today. Don’t let cost deter you. Many places make mammograms and other female appointments free throughout the year. It never hurts to ask! All they can say is no. But, keep asking.

And gentlemen readers: Have you checked on your favorite person of the opposite gender to make sure she is having those appointments regularly? Be a man and stumble through it, if you have to. At least she will know you care. And that may be the very thing that gets her to the enormous, pink paper towel. You may even save her life. And just for the record, men get breast cancer, too. So, make sure you’re going to YOUR appointments, too.

Yes, friends, it’s that important. The life you save may be your own. And I am always here for support any way you need it. Why? Because I made the decision to keep my appointments. 🙂

Friday’s Post: The Patron Saint of Writers…and???

You might also like: Lessons Learned from the 2009 Dallas Breast Cancer 3 Day, How I Cope with a Heart that’s a Ticking Time Bomb, and 8 Women Who Changed My Life

Warning: War and Peace was shorter. If you’re looking for the blog pic, now you know why it’s missing.

I can see where FB will come in handy for my Alzheimer’s years. Several times I have wondered how long I’ve been on FB…tomorrow it will have been 7 years. I originally wrote the first 38 “lessons” 2 years ago.  In only 2 short years I’ve “learned” nearly 20 new lessons. But you may want to read the first 38 again, because there are updates! For those of you who joined FB right after Zuckerberg, I’m sure 7 years seems like a very ho-hum fact.  But, for moms, it’s rather monumental. Because in 2006 I only knew one other mom who stalked her kids’ pages on FB. And she stalked long before we called it stalking.

I was getting concerned about what the daughter was spending so much time doing on this thing called Facebook.  And so I took my lunch hour to create an account to check privacy issues, etc.  My naive thinking was: “I’ll create the account, check on her and then delete the account.” WRONG!  Here’s why:

1. If you create your account right now, the daughter will post to your wall 5 seconds later.  And this was before smart phones.  And she was at school at the time.  Ahem.

2. Just when you think you’re irrelevant to the next generation, 8 teens will comment on your status statements and/or obnoxious note postings. Don’t know what a Facebook note is? It’s what we did to entertain ourselves on FB before games, apps and sharing.

3. You can write 536 pages of FB notes in 6 years while mothering, working, going to grad school, dealing with migraines, planning a wedding, planning graduation celebrations, dealing with your demented dad (literally), planning family funerals, going on date nights and vacations with the hubby, training for the 3 Day, fundraising for the 3 Day, walking the 3 Day and renovating your bathroom.

4.  If you insert the phrase, “and a partridge in a pear tree” into your next note on FB, it will instantly get a comment. I haven’t figured out why this is true yet.

5. Just when you thought you could get away with posting something truly devious on FB, your entire family (including your in-laws), your boss, your minister, your kids’ teachers and your dog will all join FB. I haven’t noticed much action on the dog’s page. What is she hiding? Dog bones, most likely.

6. The best way to know who my son is dating is to look for recent comments on his wall. Bwahahahaha. (Unfortunately, he’s now on to me.) But it was handy for his formative years.

7. If the girlfriend requests you as a friend, it’s serious!

8. If the boyfriend requests you as a friend, it’s really serious!

9. If the boyfriend starts asking you questions about your daughter on FB, start recording “Say Yes to the Dress” on your DVR. I love you, DSL. 🙂

10.  If you write 536 pages of notes on FB in 6 years, you will start getting the following ads on your feed: self-publishing companies, writing workshops, and “How would you like to pilot the next web site by FB? We will feature writers prominently.”  Even I still don’t completely consider myself a writer. Writers have published books.

11. When you tell 50 college students that you have 400 friends and have been on FB for 7 years, they will laugh in your face. And yes, I know for you massively popular folks out there with over 1000+ friends, 400 is a drop in the bucket, but here’s a little factoid to ponder…I rarely, if ever, send a friend request.  If you get one from me, consider yourself at the top of my A List.

12. Just when you set your privacy settings to prevent weirdos from seeing your stuff, 5 strangers will request you. Supposedly to read your 536 pages of notes.  Yeah, okay. Right. Either they don’t have a life, or they are…friends of your kids. What?!? See # 2.

13. Want to have fun on FB sometime?  Write 536 pages of notes and then post one asking for suggestions on what to name your future book…oh, my.  Let’s just say that the next generation is far more literate than we give them credit for and they know me way too well.

14. Etsy is a site where people make a lot of things and then sell them. You name it…it’s sold there. The scary part is that I didn’t know I needed this stuff. I wouldn’t be surprised if they sell…partridges in a pear tree…and the bird seed to feed them. See # 4.

15. When you get bored with FB, start a Pinterest account.  The number of people following me on Pinterest scares me, quite frankly.  It’s the Like feature on FB with pictures…and it’s dangerous…to my wallet and my waistline. But oh, so handy, when helping the daughter plan a wedding.

16. Just when I get used to where everything is on my feed, profile and note-writing interface, FB will move it.  This will tick me off for about 2 weeks, until I find some feature I can’t live without. That Mark Zuckerberg is such a clever guy. Hmmm…

17. Everyone else will be ticked off for the same two weeks.

18.  For my middle-aged and more senior friends, I have somehow now become the “Supreme Overlord Potentate” of how to navigate FB successfully as a newbie.  And that leads me to # 19….

19.  The Tribe is not a group of Native Americans. And they have a language all their own.  If you hang with them long enough, they may translate for you, but don’t count on it.

20. You can say really interesting things about your husband because he is foolish enough to stay off FB….bwahahahaha. Unfortunately, all my FB friends will tell him about it.

21. Because you entered that you were married to your husband in 2007, FB assumes that you have only been married for 6 years. This is news to my grown-up children who all claim him as Dad. They even have the birth certificates to prove it.

22. When you announce to the FB world that you have attended your first grad school class, FB will start sending you ads about considering various online grad schools for your degree. Zuckerberg:  Timing is everything. You should understand that concept.

23. The most original, funny, thought-provoking status statements will come from people who no longer have an account on FB. Grr. Fortunately, peer pressure will usually intervene and they’ll be back on FB when they realize that Twitter isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

24. When you are deep in thought trying to write something pithy on FB, that’s when your teenage son will decide, for once, to tell you all the details of his life. Yes, youngest child, that one was for you.  But, that’s okay…that’s what Moms are for. I’m not complaining, just noting.

25. When you brag about how you really care about the correct spelling of all words on FB, that’s when you will post a note with 5 typos. Double Grr. I probably have 5 here already. And let’s not even talk about my creative use of grammar…as in this very sentence.

26. FB knows how to stab you right in the heart when it asks you to reconnect with someone you haven’t heard from in a while on FB. If FB figures out how to friend my “heavenly friends,” I’m theirs for life….even if they move my stuff around again. (Thankfully, Zuckerberg figured out that some profiles are kept “active” for memorial purposes and this “feature” has now been deleted. I like to think it’s because of this note. I enjoy living in Fantasyland.)

27. My friends are diverse on FB. Keeping up with that diversity is what has made me an insomniac for 7 years.  Prior to that I was just a sleep-deprived mother.

28. I do not like ads for sites where I have to give them email addresses in order to see the site.  Hear that, FB??? (Apparently, they are not listening, because Zuckerberg is now trying to make money off of FB. As if his fortune wasn’t already big enough.)

29. I do not like apps that ask me to fill out a ridiculous survey in order to tell me what my Star Trek name is, etc. (This does now seem fairly diminished in popularity, probably because all of them asked for your email address and Zuckerberg wasn’t making enough money off of them. See # 28.)

30.  Perhaps the best function of FB is to allow people to say they’re having a rough time.  When it’s your turn to express such thoughts, expect to instantly get at least a handful of comments from your friends telling you it’s going to be okay.  Many of us will be blessed to have even more. Some friends will even make a date with you to cheer you up.

31. Forgetful about birthdays? Be on FB! And for the record, I don’t supply my birthday upon request…it’s already on  the feed! And no, I don’t put down the year for my b-day. Deal with it.

32. Feeling like Molly Ringwald on your birthday? Join FB. What’s even more impressive is that each wish comes with a specific inside joke between you and that friend. And if you have no idea why I referred to Molly Ringwald, it’s an inside joke for those of us who appreciate John Hughes and Easy A.

33. In 2005 I thought the words friend and message were nouns. Today I think otherwise.  They are some of the most “active” words in my vocabulary now.

34. I am not a Tweeter. Watch. Tomorrow I will subscribe to Twitter. (I now have 143 Twitter followers. Tomorrow it will probably be 2 and then on Friday it will probably be 150. Conclusion? Twitter folks are really fickle.  #feelingfickleaboutTwitter.)

35. My FB notes were often longer than my grad school papers. This is because I was writing FB notes to avoid writing grad school papers.

36. Never friend your professors. Oops. Too late. Hi, Dr. A. Hi, Dr. L. Yes, the paper was turned in on time. No guarantees on typos or proper grammar, though.

37.  What is myspace?

38. The last person to comment on your wall, 7 years later, will be…your now married daughter..while she’s in school. There’s goes Mother of the Year again. Can I at least blame her smart phone now???

39. FB notes were very convenient for the thoughts racing through my head at 1 am until I decided to start this blog and move them to MIP. That only took two months of non-stop work.

40. After writing FB notes for 6 years, you will have enough fodder for your blog for the next 3 years.

41. When you don’t think keeping up with a Twitter following, your personal FB page and your blog is enough, start a professional page on FB. And the people who like my page are not fickle. See # 34.

42. Book agents will not look at your stuff until you have 1000 for both # 34 and # 41. Guess that means I’m self-publishing my books. That’s okay–I really don’t like query letters, book outlines and giving a random critic 15% of my income anyway.

43. Your best source for writing feedback? The hubby who’s still never been on FB.

44. If your writing is getting a little stagnant, go to Alaska for 12 days and then write about it afterwards. I think I should get a commission from alaskatravel.com for all the subsequent business I’ve now sent their way. They apparently listen just as well as Zuckerberg. See # 28.

45. Heart attacks are a great way to drive readership on FB, Twitter and your blog. Thus, I plan on scheduling 1 health crisis per year. This shouldn’t be too difficult since I only have about 5 conditions that are all potentially-life threatening. The tricky part will be to figure out how to have them without spending $ 139,000. Does that mean a book agent has to pay 15% of that cost? If so, then I retract # 42.

46. I can now tell FB how much I hate their ads. However, Zuckerberg still isn’t listening. See # 28.

47. I have learned to hate Candy Crush Saga and I’ve never played a single game of it. I learned not to play FB after watching perfectly sane people lose it over their cows in Farmville. The counselor in me is thinking of starting a support group for people addicted to FB games. I think I could make some money off of this. Of course the book agent and Zuckerberg will probably want 15% each. But, I think I’m okay with this. Move over, Warren Buffett…another gazillionaire is born.

48. I now know the latest info on every ball team in the nation, the latest in the news, and what twerking is without ever having to visit other web sites. I think I could have lived without knowing the latter.

49. Never, ever begin a discussion on politics on FB.

50. The only caveat to # 49 is saying that you’re ready to throw every last member of Congress out of office in 2013. That’s good for about 15,000 likes.

51. Where is the “Dislike” button? When trying to comfort someone, “liking” their statement just seems flat wrong. How about a “I care about you” button??? Oh, my bad. Zuckerberg isn’t listening. See # 28.

52. The amount of “stuff” on my feed has exponentially increased since 2006. I’m thinking of creating a “Where’s Waldo?” app for FB. Yessss…another gazillionaire idea. Of course, you can only play it if you request that all of your friends play it and you ask for their email addresses. See # 28 and # 47.

53. Never, ever ask FB to give you updates on your phone unless you enjoy plugging in your phone.

54. I used to read my church’s newsletter to know what’s going on at my church. Now, I just go to my church’s page. Madalyn Murray O’Hair just rolled over in her grave and 5 blog readers just googled her.

55. Sharing used to involve giving something to another person that originally belonged to you. Now it means taking someone’s else’s stuff and claiming it as your own brilliance. Guilty as charged.

56. I rarely leave my home thanks to the 5 life-threatening health conditions and yet I know more about my neighbors than I did when I actually walked my entire neighborhood daily. This. Is. Scary. And the last sentence is also an FB innovation. Period. Exclamation. Point.

57. In 2006 I was too scared to write publicly. And writing a book was even more scary. Now, I’m writing 2 books and a blog. That is all due to Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg and my faithful family and friends who interact with me there daily. You have my profound thanks for turning me into a raving lunatic writer.

Maybe in 7 more years I’ll understand Twitter. #hopeless

Friday’s Post: The very first MIP Book Club Day! Be there!

You might also like: Lessons Learned from the 2009 Dallas Breast Cancer 3 Day, Lessons Learned from Facebook Page Insights, & Lessons Learned from Heart Attacks 3 & 4

A mere 4 years ago (2009) I walked, along with 3 wonderful women, 60 miles in 3 days. Yes, back-to-back-to-back days. If I can do it while closing in on the big 5-0, you can, too. (And I wasn’t the oldest chick on the course…by a long shot!) All you need is determination, love, compassion and support from your family and friends. Here’s what I learned from my 3 Day:

1. Pink foam bunny ears can be a hot commodity. Do not get in my teammate’s way when she’s hunting for them.

2. I still remember how to do the Bump to Kool & the Gang…unfortunately, I did not remember how inflexible and slow I am at doing it now.

3. Don’t get mesmerized by the pretty pink flags at the Opening Ceremony and wind up at the back of the walker crowd.

4. You can take any theme and turn it into something about boobs…the favorites? “Boobstock” by the 60s hippie push van, “We’re Busted” by the Jailhouse Rock push van, and “No booty, just ta-ta’s” by the Pirate push van.

5. When your feet get tired, walk past an elementary school, complete with a wide variety of cute pink ribbon pictures, tiny hands desperately trying to reach above their playground fence to give you a high five, and teachers with pink wigs and ties on.

6. Dallas cops are the best…they will stand, in their uniforms, in the hot, Texas sun all day to hold up traffic so you can get through busy intersections and still wave their pink foam bunny ears at you (and wear pink wigs and beads and flowers). They’ll even stage photos for you of them arresting you.

7. The orange safety crew is the most tireless group of people I’ve ever seen.

8. 3 Day mileage is not calculated the same way my car and my pedometer does it. Apparently, it’s computed twice as long.

9. Pink tents up ahead is your salvation.

10. The port-a-pots with the shortest lines are the farthest away from where you are standing.

11. It only takes 2 days to forget how to flush a toilet.

12. No matter how hard you try to keep from tearing the wipies, you’ll tear the wipies.

13. Actual soap and actual water is a luxury. Purex is a necessity.

14. Toilet paper is a luxury.

15. Take Imodium AD with you on the 3 Day…let’s not go into why.

16. I can retie my shoelaces, call the hubby, re-stretch my lower extremities and eat a package of baby carrots all during one light cycle at a Dallas intersection.

17. When you get winded, drink water.

18. When you get lightheaded, drink Gatorade.

19. When you get nauseous, suck it up, Princess.

20. The next great innovation for the 3 Day will be portable morphine IVs.

21. I want the adhesive tape concession next year.

22. My teammate is not very fond of  eating chicken for lunch.

23. Another teammate doesn’t like peel on her apples.

24. Sitting on acorns is actually comfy.

25. A curb is your friend at the pit stop…it’s your enemy while walking. (And who designed those mile-high versions????)

26. I have a new appreciation for handicap accessible sidewalks.

27. Warning signs need warnings.

28. Nowhere else will the pack of walkers ahead warn you of bikers, acorns, traffic sign poles, and uneven sidewalks.

29. It doesn’t matter what collegiate team you root for on the 3 Day…there is someone else there who roots for them as well.

30. When you think you can’t take it anymore, a cheer station complete with dogs in pink bandannas saying “Dogs for the Cure”, toddling little girls in tutus, the craziest signs, cold water, bubblegum, Twizzlers, Snickers, Starbursts, Starbucks, stickers, high fives, and your family and friends will do the trick. (I was ready to walk up mountains after that!)

31. Only at the 3 Day is it normal for the most macho men to wear pink boxers, pink sox, tutus and pink fanny packs.

32. Harley bikers are the most compassionate people in the world.

33. Smuckers PB and J’s, pocket bananas, and trail mix are da bomb.

34. A sea of hot pink tents is home.

35. Young, handsome, virile men walk on eggshells after the 2nd day of the 3 Day.

36. Your feet going numb is actually a good thing.

37. Speed is not the key on the 3rd day.

38. Irony is walking past the Hooters during the 3 day and no waitresses in orange shorts come out to greet you…as every other restaurant’s staff did.

39. The Dallas West End cheer station will make you feel like a rock star.

40. When the sign says, “Uptown”, it means it. Where the heck was the sign for “Downtown”?

41. Going down hurts as much as going up…pray for even sidewalks.

42. Narrow sidewalks are just annoying.

43. Homeowners who don’t trim their prickly bushes are now targeted for their trees getting TPed…that is, if we can find any TP.

44. Homeowners who don’t trim off their lower tree branches should see # 43.

45. Preston Hollow is one pretty neighborhood…no wonder George and Laura decided to move there.

46. Little girls in pink PJs on a Sunday morning will automatically make you smile and go Awww.

47. There is a little 3 year old boy who hit his daddy’s pitched ball “out of the park” and already has a 2900 member cheering base. He even knows how to tip his cap to his fans. Tell the Rangers to sign him now.

48. Yes, MaryAnn can be quiet…it’s called she’s composing her next FB note.

49. We now know my teammate’s  middle name…don’t ask.

50. Don’t ask the tall guy in the green, pink and white tutu to demonstrate his stretching techniques.

51. The Bra Bug is a photo op.

52. I am now a street walker…but no one wanted to pick me up this weekend, for some reason…oh, it might be my stench….and the Grand Canyons under my eyes.

53. Remind your teammates to put their underwear on right side out.

54. Remind yourself to put on deodorant.

55. Masseuses could make a fortune massaging feet and my kids can find the prettiest pink roses.

56. Nobody cares that your pedicure is 19 years old at lunchtime on the 3rd Day…they’re more impressed if you don’t have blister Band-Aids all over your foot.

57. Want applause? Do the entire Thriller dance at lunchtime on the 3rd Day of the 3 Day.

58. Don’t play “Party in the USA” around my teammates unless you wanna get slugged.

59. Amusing texts from family and friends are the only way to survive while on the 3 Day.

60. Your family and friends are now officially “Walker Stalkers”. 🙂

61. Where you walk on the 3 Day is apparently a national secret.

62. Daily route cards are more valuable than gold.

63. Dallas 3 Day walkers raised $ 7.5 million. Yet, there were only 2900 walkers (they’ll take 5000).

64. The number of volunteer crew members needed to run a 3 Day? 450.

65. The number of volunteer crew members with smiles on their faces and still shaking “their tail feathers” after 3 days? 450.

66. Kim can do Chemo on Friday, cheer for her team on Saturday and Sunday and be too sick to party with you afterward…she’s my hero.

67. You know your shoes stink when your husband sprays them with enough Axe for a third world country.

68. You know you stink when even you would prefer not to be around you.

69. Don’t get between my teammates and the wine.

70. I have the most supportive friends and family in the world, including those who wrote us all notes which we found at the 3 Day post office on Day 2.

71. The most beautiful sights in the world are an overweight woman and a pregnant woman limping along for the lumps.

72. You can jay walk for jugs!

73. 10 years ago I had trouble walking around the block after 2 heart attacks…this weekend I walked 60 miles….God is good. And yes, that will bring tears to my eyes.

74. Yes, I will cry at the opening and closing ceremonies…yes, me.

75. Breast Cancer still hasn’t been cured, but we’re making progress. Doing something that matters….matters.

In early November a friend of a friend, Ms. Janet Carter, will be walking her 2nd 3 Day. She walks in memory of a friend who lost her battle with breast cancer at the tender age of 24. Please donate so that she can qualify to walk for her by going to her page here.

I am shocked that Americans haven’t risen up and maxed out the limit for walkers at every 3 Day. Let’s show them how big the heart of America is. There is no such thing as too old, too fat, too creaky, too sick. There is no such thing as unable to raise the funds (It just takes some perseverance and some audacity and last time I checked, Americans are audacious.). There is no such thing as “It’s a bad time for me.” Four women with 7 jobs, families and working on 3 degrees managed to find the time. Start early, start now…the site is: http://www.the3day.org.

Love you all…thanks for what you did to try and stop breast cancer from harming those we love (and what you continue to do)…I’m sure you have saved a life….maybe more than one. Maybe you saved your own.

Friday’s Post: What took me so blessedly long to read this book?

You might also like: Lessons Learned from Walking 18 Miles and 15 Miles Back-to-Back and Lessons Learned from Walking 18.2 Miles…in the Rain

treadmill training

This is “Part 2” of the stupid weekend of doing 33 miles in 2 days to prepare for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk in 2009. After trying to unwrinkle every wet digit on my body, I chose to do the 15 mile (2nd day) part on my trusty INDOOR treadmill. So, what more could I learn from doing 15 more miles? Plenty:

1. 60 miles in 3 days seems REALLY far. I’m thinking a trip to the moon is closer.

2. Blister Band-Aids also work on sore toes.

3. It’s easier to walk outside in the rain than it is on a dry treadmill (ummm…perhaps that was because 18 miles had been walked outside first?)

4. No tennies on the planet will keep you from having sore feet afterward.

5. Forget Vicodin…just open a vein and give me morphine….STAT!

6. There aren’t enough ice packs in the world for all of your aching body parts.

7. Having access to over 500 channels isn’t enough to keep you from being focused on the aching body part of the moment.

8. 15 miles actually seems farther than 18….it’s Susan G. Komen math…’nuf said.

9. Even your favorite flavor of G2 doesn’t quite bring a smile to your face.

10. One wonders how one will find a tent, set it up, find his or her luggage and drag oneself to the shower after 40 miles of walking. Where is my magic lamp and that infernal genie???

11. Paul Bettany is the villain in The Secret Life of Bees? I didn’t recognize him with a southern accent. Kinda like hearing House with a British accent.

12. You can watch 4 movies start to finish while walking 15 miles.

13. Forget the incline on the treadmill…the distance is enough for you to decide against applying for the Biggest Loser and suggesting that Jillian be your trainer.

14. If people ask you a question while you are huffing and puffing, it doesn’t matter what the question is…you still consider it an insult.

15. Your thought that you might do the Breast Cancer 3 Day walk 5 years from now goes right out the window. (2013 update: So glad I read # 15 again!)

Monday’s Post: WOW time!

You might also like: Lessons Learned from Walking 18.2 miles…in the Rain… and Lessons Learned from the Breast Cancer 3 Day Garage Sale

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, in case all the pink surrounding you didn’t notify you of that fact already. In 2009 I chose to walk the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk, in which a person fundraises a lot of money to walk 60 miles in 3 days. It is both the best and worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. As part of the training to prepare to walk that far, one does a weekend back-to-back walk of 18 miles one day and 15 miles the next day. My 18 mile day came when it was pouring down rain. To make it worse, my walking partner wasn’t able to join me. Here’s what I learned from that rather miserable day:

1. An additional pair of tennies would be handy for when you are on the opposite side of the track from your car which houses your rain poncho.

2. Anyone wearing a fanny pack on their bum is probably a 3 Day walker.

3. Start with Aleve, take a break with more Aleve, finish with Vicodin.

4. Having a hubby bring you protein at the 2/3 mark makes the final 1/3 much more bearable and him a hero of the nth degree.

5. You can listen to 450 songs on your iPod in 7 hours.

6. 18.2 miles is an excellent way to end constipation….for the rest of your life.

7. Your wet t-shirt (No, I wasn’t in some guy’s lame excuse for a contest…besides no one wants me in that kind of a contest.) doesn’t dry out in your car in 5 hours, no matter how carefully you drape it over the head rest.

8. 2 bottles of water, 2 G2‘s and a large sweet tea are necessary for hydration.

9. Axid taken several times keeps one from embarrassing him or herself while walking in public.

10. Flat feet will tell you all about their existence about Mile 12.

11. Shin cramps are just a 40 something’s body’s way of saying “Let’s warm up, shall we?”

12. If the forecast says, 40% chance of rain, plan on being wet…permanently.

13. People who walk/run the track backwards are annoying.

14. People who cannot control their dogs on the track make the people running backwards look intelligent.

15. A pair of dry sox is heaven.

16. Sunglasses make a good rain deflector.

17. If you bring the blister Band-Aids, you won’t need them.

18. If your hubby rubs your feet afterward, you’ll worship at HIS feet, if you can walk that far. 🙂

Friday’s Post: The next most stupid thing I’ve ever done…

You might also like: Lessons Learned from the Breast Cancer 3 Day Garage Sale, Lessons Learned from 2 and Lessons Learned from Attending Women of Faith

In 2009 I made the really faulty decision to walk the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Awareness 3 Day Walk. One walks 60 miles in 3 days and pledges to raise $ 2300 for breast cancer research. Many people walk in teams and I was no exception. I walked with 3 women who all wanted to support my dear friend, Kim, who was battling Stage IV breast cancer valiantly. While the walk was in early November, we were still approximately $ 2300 shy of the $ 9200 we needed to raise in order for all of us to walk.

We then made another faulty decision: to have a garage sale at my home in hot August. Did I mention that my garages are not air-conditioned??? I put up a Facebook event page and regularly let folks know the interesting items that were also regularly being deposited in our driveway each day.  We had so many clothing items that we eventually just made signs that said, “All clothing items $ 1.” We’d probably still be pricing items individually, if we hadn’t.

Tomorrow our little church is also endeavoring to raise money for good causes in our area by throwing a garage sale inside our church (where it IS air-conditioned). If you live in “my neck of the woods, ” do me a favor and drop by from 8 am to noon either today or Saturday, grab a few items you can’t live without, and help out some great children and people. Thanks! For those of us who have waged battle with “all things Garage Sale,” here’s what I penned in August of 2009:

1. Start a year sooner. 
2. Get another garage. Two double car garages aren’t enough.
3. Sell all cars, Sea-doos, lawn mowers and lawn sweepers prior to garage sale.
4. No matter how many times you sweep the floor of your spare garage, there will be grass clippings inside.
5. You can make a merchandise display out of bricks, a skateboard ramp, sawhorses, a trailer, shoe bags, a dehumidifier, a microwave cart, a TV stand, and a TV.
6. One rented round rack will hold 218 shirts.
7. Unfortunately, you will need 3 round racks, 3 t-racks and 2 straight racks.
8. Bags of clothes will multiply like rabbits and mysteriously show up on your doorstep before you leave for work at 8 am.
9. To hang said bags of clothes, you will need 1 retired teacher hanging clothes for about 8 hours a day for 5 days.
10. When she poops out, you will need 1 bank teller/teacher, 2 college students and 2 high school students to take over.
11. Don’t show the retired teacher a newly discovered bag of clothes the night before a garage sale…she might pronounce it, well, you know, something I can’t say online.
12. If the retired teacher won’t call it welllll….you know….something I can’t say online, the hubby will say worse.
13. Someone other than Imelda Marcos can have over a 1000 pairs of shoes.
14. To pick up a dryer, a mattress and box spring, a computer table and chair, an overstuffed chair, a dinette set, a desk, and a love seat, you will need the retired teacher, her husband, your husband’s colleague’s trailer, an aging Explorer, a Mercury sedan, a Ford Escape, your daughter, your son, the daughter’s boyfriend, a full tank of gas, a tarp, some tangled rope, some Boy Scout knots, 3 dollies, a peanut butter sandwich, a glass of milk and a trip to McDonald’s.
15. You can completely outfit an apartment or dorm room from the “junk” in people’s homes in our little town…and nicely!
16. Even if you say “No Early Sales”, there will be early sales. Just deal with it.
17. Countrytime Pink Lemonade is not only festive…it’s downright tasty on a hot, Texas day.
18. Don’t have a mega garage sale in Texas in August….let’s just say major farmer’s tan and the need for a lot of cool showers. (I think I physically wrung out my hair and shirt about 3 times per day.)
19. Those new sneakers and fancy socks you bought for the 3 Day do not lessen your Aleve consumption at the end of the day.
20. You can fit 2 mattress sets, 3 sofas, 4 tables, 15 chairs, 7 clothes racks, a TV stand, 2 desks, a laundry cart, and a lot of assorted miscellaneous all in our driveway. That is, unfortunately, only about 1/3 of what you have to sell.
21. Hangers get thrown out a lot…but to those with 218 shirts on a round rack, they are more valuable than gold.
22. There is a lot of humorous fodder for Sunday morning’s sermon to be found at a garage sale. See our pastor for more details.
23. What you think will sell immediately will be what you have left at the end of the day. As a counselor, this may be a great topic for a dissertation some day.
24. The surest way to get more shoppers is to consolidate all of your “remains” and make it impossible for your shoppers to get to all the leftovers in your garage.
25. The only way to survive a hot August garage sale in Texas is to have a meal out, preferably not at McDonald’s.
26. The Susan G. Komen organization is gravely mistaken about what is possible for fundraising purposes from 1 garage sale (They told us the max would be $ 1800…..so there!)
27. Our little town takes care of its own.
28. Our little town never fails to help those who aren’t their own.
29. Facebook, a church newsletter, a church bulletin, an announcement at church, Craigslist and word-of-mouth are the cheapest, easiest and best ways to promote fundraising endeavors.
30. The memories I have of this garage sale I took with me as I walked 60 miles in 3 days with 3 of the best ladies I know and then, forever after that. I was, and am, blessed.

The final amount raised? Drum roll, please….$ 2300 +!

Monday’s Post: Word of the Week time!

You might also like: Lessons Learned from Attending Women of Faith and Lessons Learned from Being the Rookie Parent

Warning: You might want to get your favorite beverage first. 

Note: The MIP Book Club started yesterday. Haven’t started reading yet? That’s okay…you’re only fashionably late. Go here to find out what you’re missing!

The FB Faithful will know this one practically by heart, but it’s Breast Cancer Awareness Month again and I hate what this awful disease is doing and has done to those who have made me what I am today. When I wrote this in 2009, I only knew these eight women suffered or survived breast cancer, but now, I could, unfortunately, add to the list. But these eight women and their families are what motivated me to do something crazy back then. Read on…

1. She is one of the sweetest women on the planet, but if you cross her, watch out…she was a mom to 4 very different children and grandmother and great grandmother to too many to count….she made the best homemade pies on the planet and could feed 2 as easily as she could feed 100 (all of them would be related to her in some way.) She was the wayward daughter who found her niche and found it important to live all of her life by her mom’s and her mentally impaired older brother’s side. She is one of the most caring women I know and she wouldn’t tell her family she was losing her battle until after her 90th birthday. Her name is Maribelle and she was my aunt.

2. She is art personified, in every aspect of her life and yet she has lived her life with a disability. However, you would never know that…that wouldn’t be artful, now would it? She is brilliant and she sees the unique talents of everyone around her and puts them to good use. She is a visionary, making connections no one else can. She believes in the worth of each person, no matter what hinders them and believes in you becoming more than worthy of what God called you to be. She was my mentor for 8 years. She is Mary and she was my boss.

3. She led a school as a principal. She once put her troubles aside to be at the bedside of her granddaughter when said granddaughter was forced to be in the hospital on the eve of her prom. The only telltale sign of her own troubles was a perfectly coiffed wig. She’s a serious woman, but you can tell that her family and those in her charge are her priority. She is Nelda and she is Laura Ann’s mother-in-law and Shayla, Miranda and Landon’s grandmother.

4. She is beauty personified, as well as grace. She is as content in an evening gown as she is in a cotton skirt and flip flops. Her smile lights up a room, not because it is a pretty smile, but because warmth and caring are behind it. She can laugh at the world when others would cry and charm others into doing her bidding in the most unassuming way. (It’s usually for a good cause!) She readily welcomes others into her home and they are welcome to stay as long as they like. When she makes you her friend, that friendship is for forever…you know? That Heaven kind of forever. She is Michaux and I’m blessed to have her as my forever friend.

5. She is the mother of my son’s childhood buddy. She is my Bible Study buddy and wisdom is her watchword. When I need knowledge, when I need a well-thought-out opinion, this is who I call. When I need a calming voice, she is also there for that, too. We may be worlds apart from each other in terms of logistical distance, but we are only a moment away from each other in our hearts. She is southern hospitality and an educator at heart. She is the mother of a very impressive young man, one she largely educated herself. She is Nancy and I’m blessed that Facebook has brought me closer to her son, Kyle.

6. She is my pregnancy buddy…you know…the pregnancy that was equivalent to the Immaculate Conception in terms of miracles? She, too, is my Bible Study buddy, and I can count on her for telling me the most ridiculous joke and being blatantly honest all at the same time. She nurtures little children all day long and considers it both a nightmare and a blessing all at the same time (well, who wouldn’t!). Her life has been anything but predictable, but you would never know it. She deals with it as if it were an everyday occurrence. She is April and she is my friend.

7. She was a virtual stranger to me just a few short years ago, but now I don’t think she would flinch if I just called her Mom. She broke down watching her daughter dealing with a ridiculous ordeal, all the while getting over her own ridiculous ordeal and dealing with her husband’s ongoing ridiculous ordeal. She bravely, angrily stared all of them in the face and her slim body wouldn’t take no for an answer. She is compassion and she is courage and I want so much to make it all go away for her. Her name is Shirley and she is Kim’s mom and BriAnne and Ben’s grandmother.

8. At a time when I thought there were no more best friends left in the world for a crazy person like me, this woman embraced my nuttiness calmly and actually allowed it to continue. She is a great mom, a wonderful wife, the hostess with the mostest, a phenomenal cook, the most efficient President of a volunteer organization I know and can run entire departments while battling a nasty disease on only 20 hours a week. When I think she can’t take any more, she calmly, resolutely walks onward, through the storm, and deals with each new blow with dignity, charm, and a little bit of humor. She was Kim and she was more than my friend…she was my inspiration to walk 60 miles to end this stupid disease called Breast Cancer.

Some lost their battles, but the rest continue on. They have families counting on them…they help more people in one day than I could ever hope to help in a decade…they deserve and deserved a lifetime. Pray for them…comfort them…cheer for them…I know I do.

Point to Ponder: Who are the 8 women in your life? What would you be willing to do for them?

Friday’s Post: Lessons Lessons Learned from a Garage Sale…

You might also enjoy: Best Quotes from the Dallas Women of Faith Conference and Lessons Learned from Attending Women of Faith