11
Jul

Go Ahead…Hate Me…

pier

The reality is…that my life is often a mess. And because others often appear to have it all together, living seemingly charmed lives, I have often felt inferior to others. That inferiority feeling has often led to really bad choices that have often harmed others. Why?

Because I want to be liked. And yes, I get that all people want to be liked, but my version of this usually results in disaster. I clamor for attention and then that clamor often makes me appear foolish, pushes people to the point of walking away from me and makes me totally depressed. It’s a vicious cycle that often leaves me in tears.

Don’t misunderstand me. To have a peaceful society, it is important to abide by the mores and rules of others and social pressure to do that is definitely a good thing. But, this is a deeply-rooted negative feeling about myself that keeps me awake at night and fuels an endless feeling of guilt for all the harm I’ve caused.

And thus, I had to accept something about myself. I had to decide to go without the approval of others.

Living without the approval of others can be a pretty solitary existence. It can hurt just as much as being rejected. But, the day I decided to ditch worrying about what others thought is the day I finally became the true MaryAnn.

The reality is that someone is actually in “Solitary Land.” His name is Jesus. And He gets rejection all too well. And when I just worry about trying to please the Best Friend anyone can ever have, then having the approval of others is not really all that necessary.

What is truly amazing is that Jesus doesn’t just stop there. When I do actually succeed at putting my inferiority on the back burner even for just a few minutes, I find myself surrounded by people who choose to stand by me and with me through the storms of life. And I find something else. I can state difficult things for folks who are struggling and they begin to change for the better, as well. To watch that process is truly humbling and I consider it a very gigantic privilege.

Does Mr. Inferiority sometimes still rear his ugly head? Oh, yeah. As I often say, “There is a reason my blog is called ‘MaryAnn In Progress”! And I mean my tag line under that title up there at the top of the page, too. My progression to becoming the best version of myself is not a straight line at all. And it often amuses me that I still can’t quite get my act together even though I’m in my 50s. So poking fun at my “mess” and blogging about it often helps me cope with my really stupid decisions and makes me a little more resolved to let God be my ultimate Best Friend.

If you’re living in Solitary Land today, know this: I get where you are and I know it hurts more than words could ever say. I know it takes a lot of courage to live there. But, Jesus wants to be your Best Friend, too and He won’t leave you there for long. So, let ’em hate you and then watch amazing, beautiful things happen. It may not happen overnight, but it will happen. And then it will be your privilege to help the next person who feels really rejected.

Have a good weekend, friend! 🙂

Monday’s Post: Do you feel like you’ve been kicked in the “shaw”? 

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This entry was posted on Friday, July 11th, 2014 at 11:50 am and is filed under God stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

comments

2
  1. July 11th, 2014 | Bob Arnold says:

    Well articulated – powerful thoughts –

  2. July 24th, 2014 | MaryAnn says:

    Thanks, Bob. Hope it resonates with others, too.

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