26
Sep

Lessons I Probably Shouldn’t Have Learned at Women of Faith…

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This year marked the 2nd year I attended the Dallas Women of Faith conference at the American Airlines Center. This is a rare opportunity to hear the foremost women authors and speakers in Christian thought and entertainment. This year was even better and since so many things are inspirational and downright funny, it would be nearly impossible to capture, in words, what transforms my soul each September. So, I chose to focus on the weird stuff that happens when trying to go to a Christian women’s conference with 14,000 other women in one of the largest urban megalopolis settings in the country. Here’s what I probably shouldn’t have noticed:

1. If you leave at noon for a conference that starts at 7 pm in Dallas and have the audacity to eat at Olive Garden, you will be 20 minutes late.

2. If you leave at 1 pm to make it to a conference that starts at 7 pm in Dallas and choose to eat the inferior concession stand food, you will be 40 minutes early.

3. There are no decent affordable restaurants within walking distance of the American Airlines Center when you’re 40 minutes early.

4. While waiting in line for the doors to open at the American Airlines Center, the woman ahead of you will refer to you as a “Sister Loved by God.”

5. You will drop your jaw at # 4, as will the rest of your traveling compadres, and conclude that you’re all studying the same Beth Moore’s study on Thessalonians.

6. The market fresh wraps at the concession stands are pretty tasty.

7. The unsalted pretzels at the concession stand are burnt. (yuck.)

8. It is surreal to worship the Lord in a chair with cup holders.

9. It is surreal to worship the Lord while slurping down a Slurpee.

10. While slurping down a Slurpee that cost $ 4, World Vision International will impress upon you the huge need for feeding hungry children around the world.

11. The $ 4 Slurpee will then give you indigestion.

12. Walking down about 10 stairs at the American Airlines Center feels like you’re skydiving out of a jet. (Probably appropriate for a place named after a company that has a lot of jets)

13. “Be strong and courageous” has new meaning when some of you are afraid of escalators.

14. Anita Renfroe is a pastor’s wife. You question that after you hear her talk about Spanx.

15. A Scot calls Frisco, Texas home. Of course, when you know that the origin of the word “redneck” was developed because of the Scots-Irish immigrants to the USA, it’s more understandable. (True story–Maybe that’s why both groups “talk funny.”)

16. Thing seem more funny when spoken by an Aussie and a Scot.

17. Things are doubly true if the research comes from Great Britain.

18. The group leaders meeting for Women of Faith 2015 takes place in the Jack Daniels‘ room.

19. After going to the group leaders meeting, you want Jack Daniels.

20. While waiting in line to hand in your information for the conference in 2015, you will have to wait for an eternity right next to the PA speaker.

21. I’m now deaf in both ears. See # 20.

22. While waiting in line to go to and from various parts of this Christian conference, you will be surrounded by posters by Miller Lite and NASCAR.

23. There are fewer stalls in the men’s room. This leads to passive aggressive female behavior. Why? Because we’re Christian and we’re supposed to be nice.

24. The 5 books you want for the “special” aren’t a part of the “special.” Now isn’t that special?

25. The best way to part me from my money is to send me to a Christian womens’ conference.

26. It wasn’t October yet and I became irritated with the color of pink, particularly hot pink.

27. Going to the American Airlines Center from your hotel is a piece of cake. Going from the American Airlines Center to your hotel, at night, is a much different story.

28. Bulletproof glass on your car might be a good idea for # 27.

29. If you are attempting # 27, watch out for the attack of the killer railroad crossing bars.

30. I thought my voice was loud until the attack of the killer railroad crossing bars.

31. It’s easier to find Interstate signs if you have your lights on at 11 pm.

32. After surviving the killer railroad crossing bars, I need Jack Daniels.

33. U2, a praise chorus and a Christmas carol make for one phenomenal worship experience.

34. Real men wear pink belts. However, their children will still think that belt belongs to Mom.

35. Aussies and Texans pronounce awesome differently. Actually, Texans pronounce everything differently. But then, so do Aussies.

36. Just when I think I’m done with my “stuff” mentally, I go to Women of Faith.

37. I may have to rethink that prayer to the Lord about giving me humility. See # 36.

38. If you have to get across 6 lanes of traffic to change interstates, you will 3 nanoseconds to do that during Friday rush hour traffic in Dallas.

39. After 20 years of non-stop hilarity and Christian encouragement, Women of Faith will announce that next year will be their last year of doing these conferences.

40. Even after worshipping with cupholders, I’m sad about # 39.

Monday’s Post: One reader knew what an inkhorn is…Do you?

You Might Also Like: Lessons Learned from Being a Part-Time Wife; Lessons Learned from Buying 3 Homes; and Lessons Learned from a Colorado Family Reunion Vacation

This entry was posted on Friday, September 26th, 2014 at 12:50 pm and is filed under Fun Stuff, God stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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1
  1. September 26th, 2014 | Joyce says:

    Thank you so much for not using names at certain embarrassing points. Couldn’t have said it any funnier than you did though! Lol

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