25
Sep

Lessons Learned from Attending Women of Faith…

city traffic

For those living on the moon the past few decades, Women of Faith is an annual Christian women’s conference that is held throughout major U.S. cities. It features the top Christian women writers, speakers and comedians as well as many popular Christian musical artists.

  1. Right when you should start seriously planning the logistics of attending a conference with your friends, that’s when God will decide it’s time for you to visit the hospital…twice.
  2. It might be helpful to actually read the Group Leader information first.
  3. If you need assistance from the Group Leader Coordinator, she’ll be on vacation…for a month.
  4. The very assistance you could use is only available for groups of 25 or more.
  5. The cheaper, better tickets will sell out when you are having an angiogram.
  6. The cheaper, better parking will not sell out, but you will be convinced it is, based on the evil marketing tactics of Ticketmaster.
  7. You’ll pay about $ 25 extra because of succumbing to #6.
  8. I have a phobia about driving in Dallas.
  9. If you use three different GPS navigation systems, one will be right.
  10. Right when you have everything planned, Women of Faith reps will call and tell you that your plan can be scrapped due to changes they’re making in the schedule.
  11. I will have to summon all the verbal restraint I can muster in order not to swear at a Women of Faith representative, who happens to be male. What?
  12. In a land where summertime drought is the norm, the conference will begin…in a monsoon.
  13. Metroplex drivers will still have no earthly idea how to drive safely in a monsoon. Refer to # 8.
  14. While obtaining the last few tickets and details needed to survive, you’ll pass several hospitals, because of course, one should be visibly reminded of their favorite home away from home before attending a faith conference.
  15. The hiccup with hotel rooms will not come from checking in with free hotel stay points for 14 different people.
  16. The hiccup will occur when someone tries to enter your hotel room at 5 am. Thank God I was wearing the cute jammies.
  17. Never forget to double bolt your hotel room door. See # 16.
  18. About the time you and your roomie begin to fitfully sleep again, the room phone will ring and of course, no one will be on the other end. Was this God saying we needed a wake-up call?
  19. I can listen to speaker after speaker with only 2 hours of sleep. But, I may require the $ 8 coke to do so.
  20. Standing up to sing contemporary Christian music requires Celebrex, Aleve and thicker-soled tennies, all of which I didn’t bring.
  21. After making the decision to leave our suitcases in the room to go eat breakfast, the room key card won’t work. Funny…it worked great for another couple at 5 am.
  22. Even though you were the first of your group to check in, the very same lady who checked you in will declare you a “no-show.” I guess I borrowed Harry’s Invisibility Cloak for the weekend.
  23. The walk back to your hotel room will require you to remember that one of the Ten Commandments is, “Thou shalt not kill.” Where is Charleton Heston when I need him?
  24. After reassuring her that I am, in fact, “real,” she will still not remember to re-key your key card so you can get your suitcase. Hmmm….Maybe I’m dead and I’m an angel? Might explain why I feel at home in hospitals.
  25. Go to the restroom when you don’t need to go to the restroom. By the time you get to the outer restroom door, you’ll need to go.
  26. The shortest line for anything is always the one you’re not in.
  27. You will hear that there were free giveaways at certain booths after you leave the conference.
  28. Christian rock groups start their concerts with, “Don’t Bring Me Down” just so I can have one song in which I know all the lyrics.
  29. Sarah should appreciate that she’s 19.
  30. They don’t make reading glasses strong enough to read jumbo-trons from the nosebleed section.
  31. Aussies may have a cowgirl mentality, but they need to work on their pronunciation of “y’all.”
  32. Texas women need to work on their pronunciation of awesome.
  33. The web site will say not to bring children to the conference, yet there will be a nursing mothers room. Ummm…babies are not children? Okay.
  34. If you’re over 50, you can leave home and no one cares. Except maybe for the dogs.
  35. Having a meeting place at the American Airlines Center is ridiculous. So, what will the “experts” tell you to do? Have a meeting place at the American Airlines Center. Who made these people “experts”???
  36. Just when you think that perhaps it’s not worth it to attend next year, those crafty convention people will state that next year’s conference is all about the exact things you have been struggling with. I officially hate them.
  37. The prettiest sound is 12,000 women singing “Amazing Grace.”
  38. Never assume another woman “has it all together.”
  39. The best speakers are the ones who have hurt the most. They will also make you laugh the most.
  40. You have not heard “How Great Thou Art” until you have heard Kari Jobe sing it.
  41. Christians outnumber female slaves 85 to 1 and yet there are over 27,000,000 enslaved people throughout the world.
  42. I’m taking reservations for next year’s conference NOW. Are you in? Hotel room invasions cost extra, particularly if you book through Ticketmaster.

 

Friday’s Post: Best quotes from the Dallas Women of Faith Conference…

You might also like: Lessons Learned from Being the Rookie Parent, and The Weirdest Diet on Earth…the Coumadin Diet

This entry was posted on Wednesday, September 25th, 2013 at 10:50 am and is filed under Lessons Learned. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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