When I was a pup, I lived with my mom and dad and a brother and sister. My sister was rather pathetic; she always brought up the rear whenever our people called us. We lived in this place called the garage. We weren’t the only four-legged animals there–there were these furry little critters who make these weird noises. They are not like us canines.

They have retractable claws, kinda like Hugh Jackman. (Yes, I know who Hugh Jackman is–I live with the mom person, remember? She’s rather fond of Hugh.) Those retractable claws look harmless, but take one of their toys and let me tell you, you’ll never do that again!

The good news is that they have an early detection system for those claws coming out. They make a sound kinda like a snake and not in a good way. They bare those really pointy teeth that are just about as dangerous as those retractable claws while making the snake sound. So, I learned to get behind Mom and Dad whenever they were making those sounds.

I do not know why the people kept them–they’re sneaky and aloof. (Yes, I have a large vocabulary–again, if you live with the mom person, you’ll start barking words like verbosity and plethora.) They serve no purpose that I can see.

However, I did notice that they seemed to get more hugs from the people than I did and they did this by winding themselves around the peoples’ legs. So, one day I decided to try that and I learned that when I did, the people bent over and scratched my head.

I have now trained the mom person to do this as well. It took her a while to learn this command, because she is just not fluent in canine yet. But, if I prance back and forth with my back legs, she will even scratch my “booty.” If you’re a dog, that’s a tough place to scratch yourself.

I generally make her do this about three or four times in a row. For some reason, she’s not overly fond of me doing this when she’s in a skirt or a dress. She really doesn’t like it if she’s in a long skirt. I don’t know why–she’s just weird.

But thankfully, the mom person lives in these fur coverings called jeans most of the time and I don’t have to put up with those skirt or dress things very often. She says she’s not overly fond of me coating her jeans with my coat. You’d think she’d be grateful that I’m doing my best to keep her warm and beautiful like me. I just don’t understand her.

When this happens, I go and find the dad person. He usually has fur on him to begin with. He says it’s cow fur. Now, if I could only figure out what cows are.

I sure hope they don’t have retractable claws.

Monday’s Post: What is vox populi?

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