The people in my abode have given me a pretty comfy bed that is finally big enough for my entire dogginess. Before the new bed I had to curl up into a tiny ball and that is not exactly easy for my entire dogginess. While I love my bed, it’s not my favorite.

Shhhhhhhh….this is a secret, but when the people leave my abode, I hop up on the mom and dad persons’ bed. Now that is one comfy bed! It perfectly conforms to my entire dogginess and I can stretch out all I want. There is even room for all those canines I mentioned last week. However, if they got on my favorite bed, I would be getting off. Immediately.

The mom person says their bed is a Tempur-pedic. I prefer Tempur-perfect. The only difficulty with sleeping on my favorite bed is that I often take a nap there since it’s so comfy. If I fall asleep too well, then my sneaky human family can enter the abode before I jump off the Tempur-perfect. If this happens, I get in trouble, big-time and my canine bed gets put on a very drafty back porch. Trust me–there are no Tempur-perfect surfaces out there and no chance of me getting a booty scratch or a paw massage, either. This is not to my liking. At all.

Even if I make my saddest puppy face and hunch over my body, I still get sent to doggie prison on the back porch. There are even human torture devices out there. The mom person actually likes getting on one of them and she looks terrible when she’s on it! Water actually comes out of her body in profuse amounts and she makes awful panting sounds. The torture device will not let her off of it until the mom person looks one dog bone away from death.

Thus, my fear is that if I keep having to sleep out there, I may have to get on the torture device myself. I don’t like the idea of profuse amounts of water coming out of me. It reminds me too much of a bath. And I have come to the conclusion that panting is highly overrated.

Note to self: Get doggie alarm clock. Do they sell those on Amazon?

Monday’s Post: What’s your definition for flapdoodle?

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