01
Mar

Signs You Might Be a Naturalized Texan Woman…

cowgirl hat

Warning: You might want to get your favorite beverage first. 

Slowly, over the last 20 + years, this Yankee has become a little “Texanized.” Here’s how one can tell if you, also, might be a Naturalized Texan Woman:

  • Your hands now contain 4 rings daily, one of which is either a James Avery ring or is at least silver in color.
  • Your belt collection has not only grown in number, but in width and silver content.
  • Your earrings contain at least two colors of metal and dangle…a LOT.
  • You own a full collection of flip-flops for every occasion, in every color and heel height.
  • You have bootcut jeans, bell-bottom jeans, and straight-leg jeans and they are wrinkle-free at all times.
  • The jewelry around your neck bears a striking resemblance to the hub caps of most U.S. cars.
  • You have a frequent buyer card for Sam Moon.
  • You are never caught dead without a watch or bracelet (or set of bracelets) wider than a Coke can.
  • You refer to all fizzy drinks as Cokes.
  • You have conducted, or been to, a “Come to Jesus” meeting.
  • You refer to any female not related to you as “girlfriend,” which is a four-syllable word when uttered appropriately.
  • A pedicure is essential to your mental well-being, complete with big toe flower detail.
  • Your kitchen is not complete unless you have a margarita machine, an ice cream maker and a tortilla warmer.
  • You have just as many of your meals outdoors as indoors.
  • Your luggage is anything but boring black.
  • “All the colors of the rainbow” is a mere starting place for your wardrobe.
  • Chicken spaghetti and 7-layer dip are the most stained recipe cards in your recipe box.
  • You evaluate cars based on the following criteria:
    • Ability to cool down in 100+ heat
    • Ability to warm your rear end in weather under 50 degrees
    • Ability to regulate the amount of sunshine you let in and out of your car
    • Ability to pass cars on a single-lane highway in less than 500 feet of road
  • You know who drives the # 24 car.
  • Your closet has a huge color-“leaning” towards your favorite high school, college and professional football teams.
  • Your skis are right next to your barn boots.
  • You have a sunglasses collection.
  • You buy sunscreen only in the 100 SPF formula.
  • You party “until the cows come home” and then attend church bright and early on Sunday morning….probably because you need Heavenly forgiveness for what you did on Saturday night.
  • You can boot scoot boogie in cowboy boots, rock a runway in heels, and run in flip-flops, all without losing a heel, toe, or do-si-do.
  • You know the proper, complete conjugation of “y’all” and “fixin’ to.”
  • You have sundresses for all occasions and have cowboy boots that match each one.
  • There are 3 different lengths for your shorts collection.
  • You don’t work out outside if it’s under 50 degrees.
  • You don’t work out outside if it’s over 100 degrees.
  • You know the “hotness” level of each kind of pepper in the produce department at your grocery store.
  • Your grocery cart regularly consists of ranch beans, green chilies, and whatever steak cut is on sale this week.
  • Your significant other or at least a very good friend has a portable smoker.
  • You audibly let out an “Oooohhhh” at the mention of the phrase, “Uncle Julio’s.”
  • Dr Pepper is a food group.
  • Sweet tea is a food group.
  • Pico de gallo and salsa are NOT the same thing. And guac is hallowed.
  • You learned, a long time ago, to play outside and garden in the mornings.
  • You know to back up slowly if you hear a particular rattle in tall grass.
  • You know a rattlesnake wrangler.
  • You know a rodeo cowboy by first name.
  • You know the appropriate hand position for all major Texas Universities and which ones you are not permitted to use in your home in front of your adult children (unless you enjoy taking your life into your “hands” literally).
  • You have seen a LIVE armadillo and have the pictures to prove it.
  • You get scared when there’s a burn ban AND lightning within 2 miles of your home.
  • Eating dinner during a tornado warning is normal in the springtime.
  • You not only understand the term, “Big Hair”, but you also know how to create it, much to the chagrin of your daughter or niece.
  • Starting a business conversation with “How y’all been?” is the only way to conduct business.
  • You have skirts in a multitude of widths, lengths and depths.
  • You taught your son how to tackle properly.
  • You’ve shot a gun at a varmint ‘cuz he’s chewing on your petunias and you just finished watering those flowers for the 2nd time in 24 hours. 

Tomorrow’s Post: The Birthday Girl

 

 

 

This entry was posted on Friday, March 1st, 2013 at 6:55 am and is filed under Fun Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

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