12
Sep

The Weirdest Diet on Earth: The Coumadin Diet…

Bacon

Warning: War & Peace was shorter.

Whether I like it or not (and I don’t!) I am now being forced to change the very eating plan that led to me losing nearly 40 lbs. My doctor has placed me on Coumadin (generically known as Warfarin or Jantoven) in order to try and dissolve a blood clot that is apparently lodged in one of my heart ventricles. It is important for this drug to work, since I am at an increased risk for stroke if this clot doesn’t “evaporate” of its own accord.

Basically, Coumadin is an anti-coagulant of the nth degree and Vitamin K can hamper its ability to help me dissolve this clot. Most people can simply avoid leafy green veggies (I hate salad anyway) and avoid any Vitamin K interaction with Coumadin.

Unfortunately, it is starting to appear I am not one of these people. And finding out exactly which foods are high in Vitamin K is a bit like doing a study in contradiction. One medical source said that alcohol is okay in moderation; another completely contradicts this. One reliable source says that cranberries are not okay and another says they are. So, what’s a girl to do?

Enter The Coumadin Cookbook by Rene Desmarais, MD. Even cardiologists seem to respect the opinions in this book, so I’m trying to live by the list of foods it recommends. But, if you are trying to live on portion control and eat heart healthy foods, this diet will make one shake his or her head. Here are some of the foods that are actually okay on this diet:

Skinless apples (And here I thought the skin gave me more fiber…sigh)

Cinnamon raisin bagels (Oh, and I can put cream cheese on them, too.)

Beans and franks or baked beans with bacon (This would have made my mom happy, but she died from eating a heart healthy diet.)

Beef

Biscuits (And yes, gravy with the biscuits is okay. I just made all Southerners happy.)

Bologna (No word yet on whether the bologna has to have a first name, like O-s-c-a-r.)

Bread (of all kinds)

Fruitcake (Yes, the commercial kind, but I prefer Grandma’s more Scottish, refined, tasty and alcohol-free version.)

Twinkies (So glad now for that comeback of theirs.)

Caramels (This will not sit well with my dentist.)

Fudge (Guess what I will be making for Christmas “cookies” this year.)

Gumdrops

Hard candies (But if I eat green apple Jolly Ranchers, do I have to take the “skin” off of them first???)

Jelly beans

Plain M & M’s (Never liked the peanut version anyway!)

Starburst Fruit Chews

Marshmallows

Cola beverages (The Pepsi-Cola Company just breathed a sigh of relief. So did its stockholders.)

Lucky Charms (They’re magically delicious!)

Trix (And you thought Trix was for kids.)

Apple Jacks

Cocoa Krispies (I banned these from the household the day it required a crowbar to get them off my kitchen floor, thanks to the kids.)

Froot Loops (I suppose this variety is the colorful circular cereal variety and not the politicians in D.C.? I sure hope so, cuz I really don’t want to eat politicians, even if it would be a public service.)

Cap’n Crunch (This will give the hubby an excuse to return to his youth.)

Regular cream

Swiss cheese

Chocolate syrup

Nestle Quik

Cocoa mix

Coffee (yes, even with caffeine)

Corn

Cornmeal

Corn oil

Croissants

Regular egg noodles (Spinach noodles are bad)

Egg yolks

Eggnog

Hot dogs

Hi-C

Jell-O (I suppose there’s always room for Jell-O, particularly if it’s endorsed by my favorite comedian.)

Ice Cream (So, I can eat my hubby’s version without any guilt, right?)

Jams/Jellies/Preserves

Lard (Cousin Vinny would question that with the “ongoing cholesterol problem in the U.S.”)

Milk shakes

Macadamia nuts

Canned peaches

Peanut butter

Canned pears

Apple pie filling (canned)

Pork

Potatos

Ready to eat puddings

Sake

Salami

Salt

Soy sauce

Spaghetti

Sugar (Dr. Atkins just rolled over in his grave.)

Maple syrup (Is it Groundhog Day? ‘Cuz I’m thinking it’s time for flapjacks.)

Wine

Oh, and using butter (in moderation) is okay, but margarine is absolutely taboo. To be fair, there are some fruits, vegetables, and healthier protein sources than what I’ve listed above. And Dr. Desmarais does advise using the above foods sparingly to take further care of your heart. 

But, I knew my mother was lying when she said I had to eat my vegetables. Thanks for the needless dinnertime torture and emotional trauma, Mom.

Now…you’ll have to excuse me, I have to go fry some bacon in some lard and eat some Froot Loops.

Monday’s Post: Who is a boffin? Yes, that was a hint….

You might also like: 100 Things I Plan to Do Now that I Don’t Share My Home with Teens or Kids 

This entry was posted on Thursday, September 12th, 2013 at 10:50 am and is filed under Fun Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

comments

3
  1. September 18th, 2013 | Prince William says:

    I’d like a hot fudge sundae please.

  2. September 18th, 2013 | maryann says:

    Me, too. Come join me! 🙂

  3. September 18th, 2013 | Prince William says:

    Where’s Oakfield Farms Dairy when we really need them?

leave a comment