05
Apr

These Cookies Aren’t Exactly Nestle Toll House…

cookies

It never ceases to amaze me what “intelligent” software (web-ware?) seems to think would be of interest to me in my email inbox and on FB. Supposedly, because of “cookies” (These apparently aren’t my beloved chocolate chip cookies–they’re some kind of cyber chip instead, which I have never found to be as tasty as the homemade wonders.) created from everywhere I visit in the internet universe, the “powers that be” should have a pretty good idea of what I tend to peruse, use and abuse. I tend to disagree. Here’s why I think the cookies are “out to lunch,” since this is a smattering of what I regularly delete out of my inbox and ignore on FB:

1. Enlarging various body parts I have never had and never intend to have. I’m into “shrink wrap” when it comes to my body parts these days. Enlarging things doesn’t usually interest me all that much.

2. Inviting me to become a member of the Evangelical Lutheran Women’s Society…I’m Methodist. I don’t oppose the Lutheran women, but ummmm…since I’m rather delinquent about helping the United Methodist Women right now, I probably won’t be helping the Lutherans much, either. I’ll probably get an ad asking me to come to the Methodist’s Men’s breakfast next Tuesday.

3. Emails in which I apparently have hit the jackpot for scholarships to grad school, should I ever decide to go back to school. Where were these people when I was applying to grad school in 2008? These folks apparently have never read my status statements on FB.

4. Photography software ads – Have they seen the pics I take? Oh. Maybe that’s the point.

5. Forklift ads. Yes, you read that right. Forklift ads. Is this an insinuation that I still need to lose more weight? If so, guess what….I won’t be buying any forklifts from them. Maybe it’s an indication that they’ve seen the messes at my home?

6. Cat Litter Ads. Considering that even entering a home where a cat resides generally sends me to the nearest ER, I think we can safely assume that I have no interest in litter of any kind, particularly the feline kind. I hate to break this to them, but I really don’t care whether it clumps or crumbles.

7. The vendor newsletter from the guy who very rudely insulted me for merely relaying a message to him from my former boss. (I might add that I apologized profusely and relayed the information as tactfully as possible.) He suggested that I didn’t have my act together (Trust me–this is the nicest way to put this.). I would like to suggest that he doesn’t have his act together if he thinks I will patronize his business after the insult. Even Freud (another person who probably didn’t have his act together) would conclude that this man is probably the “poster boy” for projection.

8. The emails from a photographer I’ve never heard of who claims that I have placed an order through their establishment. They’re “concerned” because my “free shipping window” is about to expire if I don’t complete my order with them soon. Note to photographer: If I haven’t responded, you can cancel my imaginary order. When a free shipping window closes, a free shipping door usually opens anyway. And I have always preferred walking through doors and not climbing through windows when shipping.

9. The ads for a laptop I already own. In fact, I’m deleting their emails on the very laptop they want to sell me. How many laptops does one person need? I know I write a lot, but since they makes good laptops (That’s why I bought one!), I don’t think more. Now watch my keyboard die tomorrow…..Maybe I’ll leave that one in the deleted file for a while.

10. The Planet Fitness ads. I’ve spent a particularly large sum of money to have my own indoor gym. And I don’t really like leaving Earth to get fit.

11. Wedding ads. In case they hadn’t noticed, I’ve been married for 30 + years and the DD got married last year. I don’t have any real plans to get married again unless Brad Pitt decides not to stay with Angelina. I think even the PH might forgive me for that one since Angelina would be back on the “market.”

12. Expensive purse ads. My purse collection includes the $ 5 number from Wally World and the $ 7 one from Sam Moon. Don’t think I will be buying Dooney & Bourke in the foreseeable future. Unless Obamacare goes through. If so, I want mine in navy blue.

13. The FB ads for online stores where I must give my email address in order to see if I want to be on their email list. I have to confess that I’ve succumbed to a few of these and here is the kicker: After I discover I really do hate what they have to offer (which usually takes all of about 5 seconds), there is no easy way to extract myself from their incessant emails. This would explain why I have about 1000 unopened emails in my inbox. And it doesn’t matter if I delete them today…tomorrow they will send me 1000 more.

14. The ads telling me I haven’t ordered from them in 2 years. They are greatly concerned that I will be dropped from their email list. I am greatly concerned that I will put a fist through my computer screen. See # 9. Maybe my laptop company is smarter than I think.

Have to go now…my laptop wants to know if I really want to delete the email from its very own company. And one shouldn’t miss out on the 40% off Forklift Sale. Those I do tend to buy online because of the free shipping window. One can never have enough forklifts. What colors do they have? I prefer navy blue. See # 12.

Point to Ponder Challenge: How much money have you needlessly spent this year on items that were clogging your inbox or cluttering your home pages? What better things could you do with this money? Fund a retirement account? Save for college? Save for a wedding? Give to a charitable cause? Buy a new home? What actions could be taken to limit their advertising effect on you? What actions could be taken to minimize the deluge of advertising you encounter each day? Take five minutes today and work on those actions. Your Dooney & Bourke purse and Fossil wallet thanks you.

Tomorrow’s Post: Forgot the invitation?

This entry was posted on Friday, April 5th, 2013 at 6:55 am and is filed under Fun Stuff. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.

comments

2
  1. April 5th, 2013 | Prince William says:

    Anonymous could make fortunes marketing software to consumers that would allow them to respond to solicitations in a way that would overload the vendor’s servers with complaints. McAfee and Norton could do it too, but it would come right back to haunt them.

  2. April 8th, 2013 | maryann says:

    Ooooohhhh…I like that idea…a lot.

leave a comment