If one attempts to be a writer, there is one inevitable problem to be faced: too many books. Yes, too many. I know some of my avid reader friends will cry “Foul!” at this one because they certainly believe that whoever has the most books at death wins, but the reality is that books take up a lot of space and I seldom read a book more than once. I am thankful that e-readers are going to make this an obsolete problem one day, but until then, MaryAnn needs to give her weighted down bookshelves a break.

In reading about Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung last Tuesday, I was struck by her busy schedule, including having just enrolled in a Ph.D. program. I “inherited” quite a number of educational leadership books while working at our local university and thought they would help me with that career. Life has taken me a different direction (duh) and thus, these poor books are just gathering dust on my shelves. It seems a shame when I know our university library (which has a Ph.D. program in educational leadership) could really use them. So, this past week I have packed them up and taken them to my favorite place to study master’s level psychology. It seems only fitting that the place that nurtured both my education and my career should benefit from these books. And over the years I have grown very fond of several of the staff members there. I like to think that Dawn would have liked this way of blessing other learners and colleagues, too.

So, the 26 Tuesday Acts of Kindness tally stands at 17. Please let me know, either privately or publicly, if you participated and how many acts of kindness you undertook this week. Kudos to you for participating!

This week’s honoree is Madeleine Hsu. The description of her is, honestly, too brief, but click on her name below, if only to see her darling face. That, alone, should inspire your Act of Kindness for this coming week:

Madeleine F. Hsu, 6

Sweet. Unique. Bright. Determined. Sparkling. Those are words Madeleine’s family used to describe their little girl.”She was an avid reader who loved running and dancing,” they said. “She was a born leader.”

Last week’s Word of the Week was scumble. Scumble means to make (as color or a painting) less brilliant by covering with a thin coat of opaque or semi-opaque color applied with a nearly dry brush or to apply color to something in this way. Since I have no artistic ability whatsoever, I now completely understand why I had no clue what this word meant.

This week’s word is traduce. As usual, submit guesses via the comment box below or send me an email on the Contact page (if you’re shy). No fair looking up the word in a dictionary!

traduce: (trə-ˈdüs) 1. to lower the number of traditions practiced in one’s family at Christmastime (something that MaryAnn should try to do next December!) 2. to lose pounds from your waistline by flying through the air with the greatest of ease on a trapeze. 3. to figure out who gave us the best performance in Trading Places

Your turn.

Growing up somewhat close to the University of Notre Dame, I spent a lot of time with Catholics. In fact I dated all Catholics (including one who was training to be a priest) until I finally found the one non-Catholic man in Indiana. Thus, this protestant preacher’s kid went to a lot of masses and Catholic weddings. My equally protestant mother also enjoyed watching the suspense caused whenever a new pope was to be selected during the cardinals’ conclave. I’m afraid I’ve succumbed to her “illness,” too. Since I have only known of 5 popes during my lifetime (including Pope Francis) and I am no “spring chicken”, the reality is that we probably should be paying some attention to each conclave. The election of a new pope does affect a rather large portion of the world’s population. Unfortunately for the Catholic community, I have known just a few too many crazy Catholics and so, I feel no obligation to be completely reverent about pontifical poetry. My apologies to God, Pope Francis, and my Catholic friends. After this, they will probably be my former Catholic friends.

The rare has happened,
A papal resignation
That has led to reason speculation.
Because of too many scandal seasons?
Or because of aging health reasons?
No matter what the trouble,
The Sistene Chapel is still far from rubble
And seems like a majestic setting
To drink Italian espresso
And celebrate ego less so.

To elect a new pope
You have to wear a dress
Which might cause distress
To an ordinary male witness
And the only sign of a decision
Is smoke with questionable color division

This method was first thought
By the Vatican distraught,
Who felt cardinals should elect a new pope
In less time than it takes for a spinster
To regain matrimonial hope.
So, they locked up those gentlemen,
Who had little papal acumen,
And gave them sparse nutrition
And little religious hydration.
And presto!
A quick election
With minimal additional frustration.

So, here is my question,
For our national consternation
Why haven’t we locked up our Congress
To fix our governmental budget mess?
It hasn’t been attempted
Because we know them all too well
They’d rather not jell or budget fight quell,
And most would rather drown
Before getting caught wearing a gown.

This coming Sunday CBS will be broadcasting the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament Championship Selection Show. Since I spent a number of my “formative years” in Indiana, I have to confess that I get a little obsessed with collegiate basketball at this time of year. My alma mater, Purdue, will not be there this year, thanks to a lousy season, but that doesn’t mean that the following doesn’t still apply for a girl who claims a Hoosier heart. And since I also spent a portion of my younger years in the ACC area, I am a devoted Duke Blue Devils fan, as well. I mean, those med students at Duke actually study how best to distract opposing teams. How can you not love that about them???

1. Always pick the team playing against IU. Even if half the family graduated from the “land of Bobby Knight.”

2. Never pick Kentucky, unless they’re playing IU. Even if your brother-in-law is a die hard fan.

3. Never pick the 16th seed….unless you really do believe that Cinderella story was true.

4. Always carry your picks with you everywhere you go.

5. TiVo all the # 8 seed/#9 seed and #7 seed/#10 seed games. Pick at least one upset. Maybe Cinderella occasionally gets the handsome prince.

6. Take the phone off the hook…purposely let the cell phone battery wear down.

7. Curse at your children if they ask you a question while your team is playing.

8. Apologize to your children for cursing at them during a commercial. Pray to God for forgiveness during halftime.

9. Plan your entire weekend’s schedule around when the games are on.

10. Visibly hiss when someone suggests that the SEC has bball teams.

11. At least feign positive feelings towards the other Big Ten teams while they are playing.

12. Still pick the ones you think really will win…even if they are the 15th seed and they’re playing Arizona.

13. Be significantly ticked off when the ref blows a whistle on a play where no one even bled.

14. Be significantly ticked off when teams play run and gun bball…it’s not a track meet, gentlemen.

15. Pray for OTs…that’s when the real show begins.

16. Frown when someone fails to know what March Madness, Sweet Sixteen, Elite Eight, Final Four, and the Big Dance mean. I’m sneering as I type at the mere thought.

And here are a few rules I picked up while living on the East Coast:

1. Never, ever pick UNC…at Chapel Hill.

2. Never, ever pick Arizona.

3. Never, ever pick Kansas.

4. Never, ever pick UVA.

5. Just call him Coach K…it’s easier.

6. Investigate what a Demon Deacon and a Wahoo is. Be stunned when you hear the definition, even if you are a Boilermaker.

7. Hiss at the Big East teams.

8. Watch until the very end. These teams are serious about beating buzzers.

9. Marvel at the crowd innovations for messing up free-throw shooters. I swear this is how flash mobs were invented.

10. Ponder why a team known as Devils decided that Blue should be their mascot’s color. (I generally think of pitchfork-toting nasty guys as being decked out in red, but then I was born in Big East country.)

Tomorrow’s Post: Pontifical Poetry

Warning: Get your favorite beverage first. 

Since I’m such a slow reader, guess what?! I’m not done with a book about being inadequate. Yes, I’m serious. Well, sort of. So, today you’re getting an FB favorite while I spend some time with my visiting niece and the DD and DSL. Yes, it’s Spring Break at the MIP household. Perhaps next Thursday I will get my act together. Sort of.

Several years ago FB was “personal survey happy.” In other words “Answer these questions about yourself and then tag all of your friends and ask them to answer the same questions.” While many of these became quite irritating and nonsensical, there were some that actually did merit a response. One of these was, “Pick 15 books that have always and will always stay with you.” If I were to answer that prompt today, I would list the books below, in no particular order, but add five more! Please feel free to add in your 20 favorites, with or without explanation. This will allow others to add some books to their “reading to-do list.” And yes, I hope one of these “others” will be me.

1. The Bible…obviously. Right now, I’m rather partial to the version by Mr. Peterson (The Message)…it makes reading this for the 49th time much more enjoyable and “user-friendly”.

2. The Shack…My copy’s autographed…how about yours? And mine is dog-eared and underlined repeatedly! I hate crying and this book makes me cry for reasons I don’t fully comprehend.  That just doesn’t happen when I read.

3. The Purpose-Driven Life…I disagree with some of its premises, but overall…a good way to live.

4. Loving God…the best defense of why the Bible is true, written by a crook. 🙂 His boss wasn’t…at least according to his boss.

5. The Screwtape Letters…I always like when someone puts a twist on writing a book and this one is from a very different perspective. Written by someone who didn’t believe in the Bible at first.

6. Little Women…about a woman writer when it wasn’t cool to be a woman writer…’nuf said. Oh, and it’s free on Kindle. Yes, I said free.

7. This Present Darkness…and all the sequels…again…another take on things with a different twist.

8. The Mystery of the 99 Steps…my introduction to Nancy Drew…horrible writing, but fun when you’re 10 years old…I read all of them in 5th grade…I could read 4 of them a week and she never kissed Ned once. Then I read the entire collection of the Hardy Boys…then I read all the Bobbsey Twin books. Yeah…I was a nerd. And there wasn’t much else to do in Bridgeport, WV back then.

9. God is an Englishman…very obscure book with a very interesting title…for adult readers only…in other words…it wasn’t about what I thought it was about. (How many of you just looked for it online? Caught ya, didn’t I?)

10. Cheaper by the Dozen – pay special attention to the section on bathing. If Kyle takes another hot water heater draining shower, these methods will be employed at the Arnold house very soon.

11. Gone with the Wind – this is a primer on cheesy, ridiculous dialogue, but I love it.

12. One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish… no surprise here, if you’ve been reading my recent posts! My very first book and my mom probably could recite it flawlessly without ever looking at a page…I requested it every night, along with Fox in Sox for 3 whole years. (My mother was a saint.)

13. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families – this ought to be required reading for anyone expecting a kid. Just tell the mom (when she’s 9 months along) she has to cross her legs until she has read it…it’ll get done…I guarantee it.

14. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe – see # 5…the man has an imagination and puts it on paper well.

15. Brave New World…it’ll make you think twice about the government requesting more and more invasion into our personal lives.

16. Heaven is for Real…when a book is written by an 11 year old boy and is his eyewitness account, I tend to listen…and read…word-for-word. So reassuring for us Christian types and yet so surprising.

17. Quitter…I have read numerous books on writing and pursuing your ridiculous, impractical dreams, but none have affected me the way Jon Acuff’s book has.

18. God’s Little Miracle Book…This book just reminds me why it’s still important to pray.

19. Left Behind (and the rest of the series)…Of course, it’s just two people’s take on what could happen when Planet Earth comes to an end, but it sure is interesting to envision the modern world trying to cope with the book of Revelation.

20. Born Again, Texan…This is just too hilarious for words and too true and still rather informational.

Your turn.

Warning: You may want to get two of your favorite beverages first.

Some might think this is an inappropriate topic for a post. I tend to agree. However, you know me…inappropriate is my middle name.

Each year around this time MaryAnn goes through “the annual check-up” nightmare. Oh. Joy. Not. The first one, the dental check-up, is usually pretty easy, except for the things I outlined in my previous post! The next one is my annual heart check-up, thanks to having two heart attacks for a very weird reason at too young an age. Last, but certainly not least, is the dreaded “ladies” exam scheduled for next month. But, here is the “fun” that awaits me each year for the annual heart exam.

1. They weigh me at this exam and if my weight is too high, I get a “lecture”. This would be why I stopped scheduling this exam right after Christmas.

2. Based on the possibility of getting the lecture, I think I could qualify for an OCD diagnosis–I can’t seem to quit weighing myself 4 times a day the week prior to this exam.

3. There is an inverse correlation between “days to go before exam” and the number of Lean Cuisines in my freezer.

4. Based on the fact that I’ve actually considered taking more fiber pills before this exam to avoid the dreaded lecture, I think I also now qualify for an eating disorder. Note to self: Buy stock in whatever company makes Fibercon.

5. The possibility of MaryAnn actually running on her treadmill goes up dramatically the week prior to the exam.

6. You can walk/run for 99 minutes on your treadmill before you have to reset it for the rest of your workout. The most effective workout program on the treadmill? Stealth Killer Mode.

7. I now evaluate my clothes on how heavy they might be on that torture device known as a scale.

8. I am not allowed to eat or drink anything prior to my exam. That’s basically like saying, “Don’t look down!” to a person rappelling off a cliff.

9. The chances of me getting a migraine from not eating go up dramatically the day of the exam because the first available exam is at 4 pm in the afternoon. Does swallowing pain pills qualify as eating or drinking?

10. The lab techs at my exam are intent on bleeding me dry. I think they have been watching too many Twilight movies. The lab tech does look a lot like Bella.

11. The lab techs always ask me why I turn my head away from them as they bleed me dry. How long have they been doing this?

12. The lab techs always ask me a question that requires me to look at them just when they jab me with that big ol’ needle. Oh, and I forgot my smelling salts.

13. My blood is still red. Too red.

14. I’ve been going to this exam for 14 years and my medical file (I’ve never changed clinics.) is now entering “Volume 3” status. Yet, on the one occasion I don’t bring my plethora (You’re welcome, DD.) of medicine bottles with me (because I didn’t have time to rent a U-Haul), they will ask me for all the drugs I’m on, including milligrams per pill. Here’s a thought: how about consulting Volume 3 for all of those milligrams? You prescribed them, silly clinic. Oh. And another thought: When you call me to remind me of the appointment and not to eat or drink, how about suggesting I bring all my bottles with me??? Oh. Wait. That makes sense and would be too convenient for me.

15. They require a urine sample. See # 8. I’ve resorted to jumping up and down in the restroom. I sure hope there are no hidden cameras in that lab restroom. That door where you put the specimen makes me very nervous…easy place to put a hidden camera, if you ask me.

16. I now qualify for a paranoia diagnosis in the DSM.

17. The procedure to “properly” collect a urine specimen is longer than the instructions on how to launch a NASA rocket into space. This might explain why insurance companies are reluctant to pay for “experimental medical treatments.” Jus’ sayin’.

18. # 17 does not help with # 16.

19. The nurse insists on placing actual metal contact points all over the trunk of my body and then hooking me up to an electrical device. And they stick on like post-its. Note to self: Buy more stock in 3M. When do they bring in the bucket of water to pour on my body? Oh. Wait. I might actually drink some of the water and that, of course, would be disastrous.

20. # 19 does not help with # 16.

21. Now, I have to run on a treadmill. I don’t “do” running. And I’m wearing street shoes. How about adding “Wear sneakers” to the ever-growing list on # 14? And since I have maxed out my treadmill on minutes per workout for the last month in preparation for this exam, they’re all ticked that they can’t get my heart rate above the “I’m bleeding out of my ears” level. They continue to increase the speed until I fall off the treadmill and bang into the adjacent wall. 

22. At least I’m in the right place for stitches.

23. As I limp out of the clinic, I pay my exorbitant co-pay that Obamacare was supposed to be paying.  The bleeding continues.

24. As I get in my car, I think, “And I don’t have my test results back yet.” See # 16.

25. The result of the exam? I now have a new prescription…for anti-anxiety meds. The bleeding continues.

26. My car drives straight to McDonald’s and orders 3 Big Macs. Not me…the car. I’m still in shock.

Point to Ponder Challenge: What annual exams or tests have you been putting off because of fear, laziness, or busyness? Your health is at risk, if there are some on the list you haven’t done or you don’t know what exams or tests you should be having. If you know you’re procrastinating, get busy and get at least one of them scheduled today…the “lecture” shouldn’t stop you! If you aren’t sure what you need, consult a trusted medical source to find out. If you can’t afford such an exam or test (or insurance won’t cover it), google local places that may be willing to do some screenings for free (or at a reduced price) at a health fair, etc. You cannot work if you are sick! You cannot take care of your family if you are sick! You can’t study (at least not well!) if you’re sick! If you are fearful of the test/exam, take a friend or family member with you and let them know about your fear. Usually, reality is not nearly as bad as our minds envision! And yes, the above was “dramatized” just to get you to giggle about all of this as you go forward and get proactive about your health.

Tomorrow’s Post: I am…not done with the book I am…supposed to be finished with. Might have something to do with being traumatized from this exam. Jus’ sayin’.

Last week’s honoree for 26 Tuesdays was Dylan Hockley. Dylan loved to read and if you read my Poetry post this past Saturday, you know that I have a fierce appreciation for Dr. Seuss, whose birthday was on 3/2. Our family’s Dr. Seuss books have long been donated to our local elementary school, but it’s my opinion that a school library can never have too many Dr. Seuss books.

I “polled” the members of my immediate family and asked them to tell me their favorite Dr. Seuss book while growing up. Here are the results:

PH – How The Grinch Stole Christmas!
Moi – Fox in Socks
Eldest DS – One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish
DD – Hop on Pop
DSL – Green Eggs and Ham
Youngest DS – The Cat in the Hat 

I went to our local Walmart and managed to pick up Green Eggs and Ham and One Fish Two Fish Red Fish Blue Fish for free. How? I had “leftover” gift cards from Wally World that needed using up. Next, I went off to our local Hastings Entertainment store and found the rest of the books listed above. The bonus? Since it’s Dr. Seuss’ birthday month, you can buy 2 Dr. Seuss books and get the 3rd free! Now, this is the way to shop, friends!

In our little town we have several excellent private pre-school and kindergarten programs. My youngest two children attended one of these wonderful programs and started off their educational lives really well because of it. Not only that, but the program exists on a shoestring budget to try and help as many kids attend this program as possible. So, the Dr. Seuss books have now been donated to this fine program, in the hopes that more children will be exposed to how fun poetry and reading can be.

So, with the other folks also doing their 26 Acts of Kindness, the MIP Kindness count stands at 15 right now. What did you do for your act of kindness to honor Dylan? You can submit a comment below or send a private email to me via the Contact page.  As always, details are welcome, but not mandatory.

This week we honor Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung. Hochsprung was the heroic principal who raced out of her office to investigate the commotion in her school’s hallways. Tragically, doing this very thing resulted in her being shot and killed. Here is a little about Ms. Hochsprung:

Dawn Lafferty Hochsprung, 47

The Word of the Week for last week was realia. Merriam-Webster Online says that realia are: objects or activities used to relate classroom teaching to real life, especially of peoples studied. So, since I know a fair number of educators and worked in the College of Education at our town’s university, I’m hoping a few of my readers already knew the real meaning of realia. However, it’s a word I did not encounter as an employee there. Now, pedagogy? That’s a word I learned there. We’ll discuss pedagogy some other day.

This week’s Word of the Week is scumble. I love this word. It just sounds fun. And once I learn the real definition, it may have to find its way into my posts as often as plethora. (You’re welcome, DD.)

So, what’s your guess for scumble? Submit a comment below and let me know! Here are my mere attempts:

scumble (skəm-bəl): 1. When a scumbag finally becomes humble, which roughly occurs around the same time as the freezing of Hades. 2. When gang members scatter after a “rumble” 3. When Scots take a tumble from their “highlands”

No fair peeking in the dictionary!

Tomorrow’s Post: Did you read a book this week? Dylan would have. 🙂

The first two books I ever remember being my “bedtime stories” were Dr. Seuss’ One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish and Fox in Socks. Since our family rarely purchased new children’s books, these were a treasure. And since Dr. Seuss is often quite silly, I delighted in them as a child. My beleaguered mother probably had them memorized by the time I was five, since I insisted on each being read to me every night.

March 2nd was Dr. Seuss‘ birthday and since my birthday is the day after his, I have an extra-special fondness for all things Seuss, as you will see this coming Tuesday on MIP. So, here is my decidedly poor attempt to salute this “master” of children’s poetry:

A girl on the go
Should sit down with a book
Because the girl cannot go
Without doing that book look.

For the book tells a story
About unusual places
And lots of tall piles
In rather strange spaces.

And the piles all are silly
And seem willy-nilly
But, to a young girl
They can be fabuhilly.

And they show a young girl
How to live a good life
With a fox, and a cat and
Marvin K. Mooney,
For life wouldn’t be life
Without each as a roomie.

So, a girl on the go
Should pack up her imagination
Full of new words and
Beetle paddle paginations.

For fun is so fun
When the fun is so Seuss
And Thing One and Thing Two
Are back out on the loose.

Monday’s Post: Are you for realia?

Today is officially “Be Nasty” Day. And since I have never had much difficulty being nasty (Blame it on being raised in a sarcastic family.), I am particularly fond of the fact that I now have the “luxury” of being old and getting away with saying things I couldn’t say as a “youngster.” I hesitate to share these, for fear my family and friends will now be “on to me.”  But I can’t resist such a golden opportunity…I mean, they “double-dared” me, since it’s actually a day:

1. I don’t remember telling you your nose hairs are too long, but I can see that that’s a very sensitive issue for you.

2. There was fine print?  Sorry, my reading glasses are on vacation.  They have more fun than I do. They are the only thing I own that can afford fun.

3. You want to do a body cavity search? Good luck in there. You may need a flashlight….and a map. No, there’s no “Nav” system for this “neck of the woods.”

4. They STILL pay people to do this???

5. Unless it has carbon paper, I usually don’t have a copy. What do you mean you don’t know what carbon paper is? You haven’t lived until your fingertips and your entire desktop are purply-blue.

6. They don’t make Calvin Klein hearing aids yet, and my ears don’t wear anything generic.

7. You want me to WALK where? Seriously? I’ll need my Calvin Klein cane, as well.

8. Yes, I’ve always been this fat. It was just time to wash the Spanx. They don’t stretch over all of this as well when full of body slime.

9. I’m making paper fans out of the wrinkles on my face. It’s not old…it’s art.  Move over, Picasso. Perhaps Picasso face wrinkle paper fans will pay for my retirement?

10. Co-pay? Oh, I’m sorry. All my money goes to the government. I guess they didn’t send you the memo that they’re paying my co-pays now. And yes, the government says you have to submit it in quadruplicate and then wait a millennium for reimbursement. Don’t blame me. I just work for a living.

Tomorrow’s Post: Growing Up in Seussville…