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Last week’s Word of the Week was fuliginous. According to Merriam-Webster online fuliginous means sooty or obscure and murky. It could also mean having a dark or musky color. I think all those definitions probably symbolize the murky nature of my mind while attempting to guess at the definition for fuliginous.

Today’s word is carminative. Here’s my fuliginous definition guesses for carminative:

carminative: (kär-ˈmi-nə-tiv) 1. the matchbox cars my son left on the living room for me to stub my bare foot on at night (But they were all perfectly parked, so at least he was organized about injuring his mother???) 2. Anything related to the opera “Carmen” 3. anything related to a boxcar on a train (Sorry…I can’t make this humorous no matter how hard I try…it’s Monday…give me a break.)

What’s your guess? Submit it here!

Tomorrow’s Post: What did you do for your act of kindness this week?

You might also like: Word of the Week: fuliginous, Word of the Week: thimblerig, Word of the Week: bosky, Word of the Week: nepenthe

The DSL and the DD celebrate their first anniversary on Monday. Wait. A whole year? Nah. It can’t be.

People often ask me how the newlyweds are doing. They’re doing so well that they’re making the rest of us married folks look bad. So, here’s a little tribute to their upcoming anniversary and their seemingly supernatural expertise at marriage:

They were a couple of high school band nerds
When their paths first meandering met,
He made her laugh out loud
And she had a face he couldn’t forget.

One would date for a while
While the other sat solo,
Then the roles would be reversed
Even if he wore his best polo.

They became great friends
Through all of this dating
But it wasn’t until senior year
That both gained a higher “rating.”

The first dates should be low key,
But she didn’t get those memos
She dragged him to a banquet
And he hung in there during her dance demos.

She loved to cook
And he hated to eat
So, she forced him to try new foods
Until his patience was just plain beat.

They suffered through the first year of college
And didn’t like it so well
They transferred to 2 different campuses
And the phone bill began to swell.

But, despite some distance
And mutual stubborn momentary resistance
He wound up down on one knee
And wondered why a puddle had to be.

They had a long engagement
But if you saw the wedding
They needed that much time
Twelve dozen baseballs require a lot of “getting.”

It seemed to be well worth it
A pretty outdoor affair
With lots of family and friends
That seemed to ignore all that Texas hot air.

And now as they celebrate
Their first year of wedded bliss
The happy couple looks really great,
They just may not like the taste
Of that 1st anniversary cake.

Monday’s Post: What is fuliginous?

You might also like: I’m Glad to Be Your Man;The Merits of Cookies, Sag Harbor, Limericks, Pam, and Dead Ends; When East Meets West; For Boston; Cheese, Please

Now that you’ve answered, all those pesky questions about yourself, it’s time to evaluate them and begin the first day of the rest of your life’s eating plan. After answering them myself, I concluded that I don’t like to cook and even if I had time to cook, I probably wouldn’t do it with any real consistency. While I have done low cal, low fat and low carb eating plans, I eventually feel deprived. When I feel deprived, then I usually go off my eating plan with a vengeance and it takes me months (okay…years) to get back on an eating plan. At the time I instituted my plan, I didn’t have time to go to meetings, count calories, count points, etc. Thus, I began looking at the “automated eating plans” such as Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig and the Biggest Loser. All of them looked fabulous, except for one thing: the cost. They were all pretty expensive, even given their “starter” discounts.

Then it hit me: I have an automated eating plan…at my store! I had already learned that I liked the taste and variety of Lean Cuisine frozen meals and after doing some calculations, I could eat in a very similar fashion to the more notable automated eating plans for around $ 23 to $ 38 a week! This is a fraction of the cost charged by other programs. Even if I added in snacks and simple breakfasts, I could eat well for about $ 50 to $ 75 a week. And thus, the MIP plan was born.

So, here are the nuts and bolts of this program, in case you, too, think you need to enact a similar plan:

1. Buy 14 Lean Cuisines of various kinds for a week. Eat one at lunch and one at dinner every day.
2. Buy Atkins Endulge candy bars for snacks. Please do NOT buy the Advantage bars unless you don’t have taste buds. The Endulge bars that are my favorites are the ones that resemble Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups and Snickers bars. But, they also have ones that taste like Mounds bars and brownies. Taste is important to me and these are more than edible! I even freeze mine for that nostalgic frozen candy bar sensation!
3. In the summertime switch to Skinny Cow Cookies ‘n Cream Ice Cream Sandwiches for snacks. I also found the mint chocolate ones tolerable, but I did weary of every flavor except the Cookies ‘n Cream over time–fair warning!
4. Eat something you love every morning for breakfast. Why eat something you love? Because I am not a morning person and I usually don’t have time to cook breakfast in the morning. I chose raspberry almond granola that I could buy by the pound at my local store. Fair warning–this was not cheap! But, OMG! Yum-Yum! I poured 2% milk on it. If you can handle 1% or skim milk, you’re a better person than moi and you’ll probably drop the pounds more quickly. I also have a Keurig coffee latte with Truvia (I found that the real deal on Stevia tasted best to me. Hopefully, you will feel the generic is just fine. Stevia is the safest non-sugar sweetener to use, according to research.)
5. When eating out, follow these rules:

• Find the smallest roll or chip and thoroughly chew each bite. Count to at least 10 chews per bite, if not 20! Use salsa on chips instead of guacamole or queso dip.
• Try to pick chicken or fish for your dinner entree, if not a totally veggie version.
• When dinner arrives, ask for a take-out box immediately. When it arrives, put 1/2 of your dinner in the box and shut the lid. Put the box somewhere where you will not be tempted to eat it immediately.
• Eat the remaining half. Start with the protein item first. Then, eat the veggie part next. If others are still eating, slowly eat the starchy part of your meal. When everyone else is finished, so are you!
• Order tea, water or a diet soft drink for dinner. If dessert is tempting you, ask for flavored coffee instead and put in your favorite sweetener. Savor every sip and relish in the fact that you controlled yourself for once!

A few additional rules:

1. When you just can’t leave the highly fattening foods alone, put a handful of whatever it is in a bowl or on a plate, close up the bag or box and put it away! Now, walk away from the kitchen or pantry and eat only what’s in that bowl or on your plate. Sometimes I have gone back for a second bowl/plate, but I am usually way too lazy/guilty to make a 3rd trip!

2. For late night snacks, I keep microwave popcorn and fresh fruit on hand. I like the kinds of fruit that make me feel like I’m eating popcorn or chips. So, I usually have berries, grapes and cherries on hand. (In fact I think I can eat my weight in cherries.)

3. When others are cooking for me, I use the “fist method” to determine how much I eat. In other words, my protein source and starch portion sizes shouldn’t be any bigger than my fist. Go hog wild on the veggies!

Now, if you think you’ll wind up looking like Twiggy in one month doing all of this, then you are going to be sadly disappointed. This is a slow-paced process. But you’re going to eat like this for the rest of your life and that means that, over time, you will keep resetting your “normal weight” point and keep lowering it! So, just be patient!

Don’t miss You 3.0: MIP Exercise Plan next Wednesday! (In the meantime, get rolling on your own eating plan!

Tomorrow’s Post: Celebrating love…

You might also like: You 3.0: Mindset, Part I, You 3.0: Mindset, Part II, You 3.0: Mindset Part III, Lessons Learned from Visiting Sam Moon for the First Time

Some friendships just last forever. I have one such friendship: one that has lasted over 40 years. Yes, I’m that old…and then some.

A few years ago this friend sent me a book entitled: If Only I Knew by Lance Wubbels. It is really more of a poem that spans 56 pages. And the premise is that if we knew we might never have a chance to see someone again or experience something again, we might take more time to appreciate that person or experience and be a bit more forgiving and kinder.

As I age, I find myself less judgmental and more forgiving, probably because I need less judgment and more forgiveness myself. But, Wubbels puts this into words far better than I:

1. “If only I knew I had the chance to pray with you one more time, I would take your hands and welcome God’s presence to surround us.”

2. “If only I knew that momentary pleasures could ruin a reputation for a lifetime, I would have found the strength to say no to temptation.”

3. “If only I knew that grief and heartache could be so deep and devastating, I would have been there more often for others.”

This is a quick read, unless you are like my friend, who found herself crying on every page! But, either way, we all probably need to read this book once in a while just to ensure we don’t take the special people and moments in our lives too for granted.

Tomorrow’s Post: You 3.0: MIP Eating Plan…

You might also like: Slow Reader Thursday: Mink River, Slow Reader Thursday: There Has to Be More Than This, Slow Reader Thursday: Live!

As you may recall, last week I asked you to consider several questions about eating, exercising and just plain living. Considering the answers to these questions helped me to shed more than 30 lbs. recently. I have kept it off for several years now and I think this is largely due to thinking through these questions. So today I have some more for you to consider and I promise…these are the last ones! (I heard you–you just said, “Hallelujah!” or “Thank God.” Don’t deny it!):

1. Do I need to clean out the pantry and the refrig and the “stash” (Yes, I know some of you hide food from your family.) so that I’m less tempted? I often designate one side of the pantry or a couple of shelves to “my food” so that I’m less tempted to eat the junk food that everyone else in my family insists on having on hand. *sigh* Remember—I’m still “in progress,” too! This may get better after the DS goes to college. I sure hope so!
2. Am I ready to actually design a way of eating and exercising for the rest of my life? If not, then stop reading this now until you are. Why? Because you do have to do this the rest of your life. The reality is that you’re aging (even if you’re a teen!), so your body is going to start rebelling about this and keep rebelling for the rest of your life. So unless you’re willing to make a sensible diet and exercise plan that you can keep going for the rest of your life, this won’t work. End of story. Deal with it. It’s reality. But, you can do this!
3. Is it easier for me to count calories, points, fat grams, carbohydrate grams? Is it easier for me to do portion control? Is it easier for me to weigh my food? Is it easier for me to just have the food put in front of me, ready to go? Is it easier for me to avoid restaurants? (The portion sizes and calorie counts in most restaurants are ridiculous!) Do I have time for meetings?
4. Can I work exercise into my routine? Do I do better with 4 workouts a week ? 5 per week? 6? 7? Again, I defy research and actually do better with 7. Why? Because I can get really, really lazy if I skip one. I change them up, so that the intensity is lighter one day and harder the next.
5. How often do I need to weigh myself? Experts say to do this once per week to keep your morale up. Actually I do better knowing, each and every day, exactly where I stand. It determines the intensity of my workout and gives me feedback about what foods pack on the pounds and which ones don’t seem to bump it up even an ounce. I do have to tell myself it’s ONLY a number and not who I am.
6. What are my strengths? Are you great at keeping records? Then, log everything you eat and go to town with spreadsheets! Are you a writer? Then, journal about how you’re doing and how you’re feeling! Are you a reader/researcher? Then, google about diets and exercise to your heart’s content and find the tips that work for you. Do you get lost in TV shows? Then, plant that TV next to a treadmill and work out to your favorite program. I bet you’ll workout longer than you thought! Are you a brilliant chef? Then, take healthy foods and conjure up great recipes of eats for all those days when you don’t feel like eating “diet food.”  Do you like to do crafts in the evening? Great! Just don’t eat while doing them! Use these things to your advantage!
7. How do I sabotage myself? I tend to take the chip bag to the couch with me and before I know it, I’ve consumed the whole bag! I also tend to eat everything that’s in front of me, whether I’m hungry or not. I can make a mountain range out of an anthill, particularly if it’s an opinion about myself as I try to change my health in a positive way. So, I have to have a battle plan for when I do these things. They are going to happen—I just have to have ways to cope with all of this nonsense!
8. What is the best thing I can gain if I do this? I have some real health concerns that could take my life at any minute and so, when I want to be a bum about eating right or exercising, I remind myself that I want to hold a grandchild in my arms someday. That future grandchild is what gets me off the sofa and onto my treadmill. So, is the teeny bikini the “best thing”? Is it getting a date with that one person you’re dying to go out with? Is it not having to take medication that you hate taking? Whatever it is, keep that idea firmly in your head at all times! And no, no one else gets to judge your “best thing,” as long as you don’t turn it into an obsession!

Don’t miss You 3.0: MIP Eating Plan on Friday!

Tomorrow’s Post: A book is a poem? A poem is a book? (And I thought I was long-winded.)

You might also like: You 3.0: Mindset, Part I, You 3.0: Mindset, Part II, Lessons Learned from Visiting Sam Moon for the First Time, Absolutely, It’s All about the Splash

Last week’s honoree was Grace McDonnell. Grace loved cupcakes and thus, today I delivered some surprise cupcakes to some friends of mine that I haven’t seen in a long time. This makes our Acts of Kindness MIP count 34.

This week we honor one of Sandy Hook’s teachers. Here’s what CNN said about her:

Anne Marie Murphy, 52

Last week’s Word of the Week was thimblerig. Reader Stonesmama says that a thimblerig is Thumbelina’s souped-up monster truck that she drives over thimblecars. (Maybe she should be writing this blog???) However, Merriam-Webster would disagree with that definition. The online definition is: a swindling trick in which a small ball or pea is quickly shifted from under one to another of three small cups to fool the spectator guessing its location. In fact the person doing this trick is called a thimblerigger. I’d love to see that as the previous job title on an employment application!

This week’s word is fuliginous. God bless you. When you say fuliginous, doesn’t it sound like someone sneezing???? So, here are my definition attempts:

fuliginous: (fyu-ˈli-jə-nəs) 1. the sound made by a human being while sneezing. 2. a flexible foolish person. 3. the feeling one has after eating 2 Thanksgiving dinners back-to-back.

What are your definition ideas for fuliginous?

Tomorrow’s Post: What did you do for Grace?

You might also like: Word of the Week: thimblerig, Word of the Week: baba, Word of the Week: bosky, Word of the Week: fanfaronade,Word of the Week: zarzuela.

I am not a song composer. This fact really saddens me, because a good part of my life has been spent living Glee. The reality is that my voice is average, at best, and that I have no talent writing music or song lyrics. Thankfully, someone else is talented at all of this. His name is God. And occasionally, He chooses to write a song lyric or a post or a poem when I’m not “looking.” He did this one Saturday morning in late March, which is really irritating. Because I hate mornings with a passion and am a chronic night owl. But, I have learned, through the years, that if the Muse (aka God) wants to write in the middle of the night or in the early morning hours, I am better off getting up and jotting down what He is composing in my head (It will be gone when I wake up later.). How do I know it came from Him? It’s simply eloquent in a way I can’t write. I have often said that I am the pen and God is the writer. Here is what I think may be proof of that–a simply lyric that I hear in my head sung by professional male opera singers (Weird, because I “hear” this lyric as a folk or a country tune!), preferably 3 baritones. And even weirder because it’s written in honor of a woman, but from the perspective of men!

But, I do have a favorite songwriter in mind to put this lyric to music for me and I hope it makes him extremely wealthy. He would deserve that! If I have written this lyric, that probably won’t happen, but if God did the writing, who knows?! And no…I do not think this song is about me, but I hope it reflects the thoughts of 3 men somewhere for the daughter, wife and mother that get to call “theirs.”

Father:

I call your name
And you instantly come runnin’.
You leap to my arms
With abandon and great huggin’.
I can’t explain how
I love those small arms,
But all I know is I’m glad
To be your man.

Husband:

I call your name
And you instantly come runnin’.
You kiss my day
Far away and keep on workin’.
I can’t explain how
I love your sweet ways
But all I know is I’m glad
To be your man.

Son:

I call your name
And you instantly come runnin’.
You touch my head
And hug me tight
Until the hurt quits on hurtin’.
I can’t explain how I love
Your calm voice,
But all I know is I’m glad
To be your man.

All:

We are the men
Who have loved you on sight
And as we watch you,
Your love for us shows with
Surprising gentle might,
Our love only grows
As you fight each good fight.

All:

And so, our darling,
We live in your light,
For we are the men
Who still love you tonight.

Monday’s Post: So, just what is a thimblerig?

You might also like: When East Meets West, For Boston, Cheese, Please, The Uninvited Guest, Mexican Bunny Hop, My Madness,  & Espresso

On Wednesday I started discussing what I have learned from my 2 year journey to losing weight. At the time I started I was well overweight by most objective standards. Today I am at a healthy weight with a 15 lb. cushion (and that’s the way I like it!). Many have asked how I did it and to me, the most important part was changing how I think about me, my weight, my fitness and my eating habits. As much as you may hate me saying this, it really is a battle of the mind first and foremost. If you choose to think that you can diet for a specific period of time and then binge afterwards, you might as well just forego the whole diet thing altogether. I asked you to consider 5 questions on Wednesday…to thoroughly examine how and why you eat, how and why you do or don’t exercise and who you are as a person. Everyone is different and my path to fitness and health will most likely be different than your path. But, these questions helped me identify what would and would not work for me and I hope they do the same for you:

1. When do I tend to overeat? I am a mid-afternoon and late evening snacker. This is my big battleground.  At first I tried not to eat after 7 pm. Total failure! So, I have to have foods I like on hand that don’t contain too many calories for those snack attacks late at night. I had to experiment to find foods that quelled the “hungries!”
2. Why do I overeat? In my case, it’s usually because I’m watching TV or I’m bored or tired. It’s essential that you understand why you do this. Do you eat when you feel sad? Do you eat when you’re angry or frustrated? Then, be ready to combat this head on, with some coping strategies. It’s probably better for you to punch your pillow or cry it out or hop on a treadmill than to eat yourself into a heart attack or diabetes. The pillow, your red, blotchy swollen face, and your tired, aching body will recover—your heart and metabolism may not. If you’re trying to squelch a memory of a bad childhood trauma, then you may need a professional to help you figure this stuff out.
3. Do I like to exercise in the morning or at night or at noon? When do you have the most energy to exercise? The PH is an “early bird” and gets his workout in before I even get up in the morning! I, on the other hand, prefer to work out in the “dark of night.” I sleep better doing it late at night (This defies research, folks. I’m just weird!) and I have more energy then, since I’m a night owl. The PH just shakes his head at this pattern of mine. It’s okay—I groan and roll over in my bed when he gets up at o’ dark thirty for his little pattern.)
4. Do I like to exercise alone or do I need an accountability buddy? Most studies will say that working out with someone usually works better.  Again, I defy research here. I find that it’s hard to find someone with the same fitness level and the willingness to put up with all the idiosyncrasies of my health adventures that often invade my workouts. So, I work out alone, on my enclosed porch, where I can wear really stupid combinations of t-shirts, leggings, shorts, sox and tennies without being critiqued by the fitness fashion police.
5. Do I like working out outdoors or indoors? While I usually enjoy my outdoor workouts, I hate taking a flashlight with me to work out at night and many areas where I would do this are not safe for a female alone at night. So, I usually work out indoors. The lighting in my neighborhood is still sparse and we have “varmints” in our neighborhood that are just as nocturnal as I am. Remember: I like to work out alone—in a “No Varmint” zone.
6. Do I have any health conditions or changes in my general health that should be monitored by a doctor while I work out and change my diet? If so, be smart and check with that doctor first before making major changes. I agree—it’s a pain, but then dying from a too-kamikaze workout is usually rather painful, too. I think you should opt for the doctor-inflicted pain myself.

Don’t miss You 3.0: Mindset, Part III next Wednesday, May 14th!

Tomorrow’s Post: MaryAnn is a songwriter???

You might also like: You 3.0: Mindset, Part I, Lessons Learned from Visiting Sam Moon for the First Time, Absolutely, & It’s All About the Splash

I seldom make predictions. Why? Because my “crystal ball” is usually embarrassingly wrong. But I’m going to make one today: Mink River will one day be a required reading for some college course or high school class.

If the great poet e. e. cummings had a novelist kinsman, his name would probably be Brian Doyle (author of Mink River). Brian lectured at the writer’s conference I attended in Portland in April. And what was so poignant about Doyle? That he cried. Yes, he cried. But, it is what he cried about that struck me.

Doyle was in New York City on 9/11. He lived there. In fact Doyle still carries the remnant of his New York accent with him. And he knew, intimately, people who were killed in the 9/11 terrorist attacks. The devastation of this event quite obviously still haunts him. And it is this sensitive spirit, along with his Irish lyrical poetic nature that compelled me to buy his book while at the conference.

Mink River is not written “normally.” It took me a while to “settle in” with Doyle’s unusual style. How is it different? First, he is an essayist and writes the entire book in essay style. Each essay is about a page or two in length and details a small story that when woven with the rest of the essays, forms one compelling, but interesting book.

He also chooses to write pretty exclusively in present tense and while doing so, he rarely uses commas and quotation marks. While reading Mink River, I concluded that Brian Doyle is “King of the Run-on Sentence” and yet, I could read his sentences easily. Since I’ve never been fond of quotation marks, I found it refreshing that one can read his book and know who is saying what without the use of quotation marks. So much so, that I may never use quotation marks in a future novel of mine ever again!

About the time one wonders if Doyle will ever create a story from all these essays, he does and he does it breath-stopping fashion. I found myself wanting to turn the page and not put the book down. And he writes poetically–even lists of items reminded me of great poetic style, like that of Robert Frost. And if the reader is bored with “normal characters,” Doyle uses time itself and a talking crow to convey parts of the story.

One word of caution when reading Mink River for my Christian readers: Doyle has a Catholic upbringing and like many Catholics, Doyle must feel that he will be forgiven just about any indiscretion by his parish priest. Thus, he infrequently uses swear words and lewd human frailty as part of Mink River. At first this bothered me until I realized that he only used it when dealing with “fallen characters” who were struggling to find their way in the Mink River world. In other words he was accurately reflecting the often non-Christian nature of every community in America today. Furthermore, truth and accuracy are at the heart of his writing and just when one thinks they’re reading yet another sleazy novel, he intersperses Mink River with Bible verses and the indomitable American spirit that one should conquer evil wherever and however it is found.

Tomorrow’s Post: You 3.0: Mindset, Part II…

You may also like: Slow Reader Thursday: There Has to Be More Than This, Slow Reader Thursday: Live!, Slow Reader Thursday: Jesus Poetry Slam