Nov
Lessons Learned from a Pandemic…
I’m sure all of you could write this little post better than I, but here are my observations so far:
- I have really bad breath.
- Bad breath didn’t use to bother me that much.
- Thanks to wearing masks, I now understand why people don’t want to be close to me.
- Based on what I’m smelling, I need to brush my teeth…..all waking hours of the day.
- I have a really small face.
- Most masks are made for giants.
- My reading glasses are fighting a war for dominance with my masks because of # 5.
- The jury’s out on who will win # 7.
- All of the above fogs up my glasses.
- Pinching the nose piece on my mask does little to avoid # 9.
- I need a new closet in my new home for hand sanitizer, Lysol wipes, bleach-based cleaner, masks, and toothpaste.
- Make that 2 closets.
- Maybe one will do since the store is out of most of the items in # 11.
- I need another refrigerator for Pepsi Zero Sugar, distilled water, Skinny Cow Pretzel bars, Diet Coke, Diet Ginger Ale, and Snapple. In other words, if it’s an unhealthy drink, I need an 18-month supply of it.
- I won’t need the extra fridge because the store is also chronically out of the above items, as well.
- It may be time to stop the auto-refill orders on my sleep aids, heart pills, and arthritis pain control supplements. I have enough to last me until the apocalypse or another pandemic, whichever comes first.
- God and I may have to have a discussion about allowing a pandemic the same year as a U.S. election. Oh…wait. Maybe that’s His idea of an apocalypse.
- I spend more money at the grocery store when I know I have to stay in my home all the time.
- I spend more money when I order my groceries online.
- The UPS lady is now delivering dog biscuits to my doorstep.
- The dog biscuit recipient can sniff a hidden dog biscuit a mile away and will move large parcels with her nose with little regard for the contents of the parcel.
- After getting her dog biscuit, the recipient winds up in her crate because she broke the box contents.
- The recipient can now run 2.5 miles in 13 minutes flat in cold weather.
- The recipient runs the same 2.5 miles in 22 minutes in hot weather.
- The recipient’s owner walks the same 2.5 miles in 40 minutes, regardless of the weather.
- Clearly, we need to get the owner some dog biscuits, preferably Pepsi Zero sugar-flavored.
- I have now turned naps into an art form.
- I have just about completed all the sudoku and fill-it-in books at Dollar General.
- I cannot be trusted with phone versions of the games in # 28 because that’s all I want to do.
- That’s all I want to do because I have seen everything on HBO at least 10 times now.
- I’m beginning to think that perhaps I have been hypnotized and brainwashed by Keith Ranieri after watching The Vow and Seduced.
- Where is Survivor???? How more socially-distanced can you be in Fiji???
- I now want a facial mask for every occasion.
- I don’t know why I want # 33 since I go absolutely nowhere.
- I’m suddenly in hot demand for consultations and mentoring relationships. My diagnosis for all of them? Cabin fever.
- Cabin fever is very aptly named if you live in a cabin.
- A pandemic is expensive–We have upped our data plan; I have subscribed to who knows how many streaming plans; and a Zoom subscription is probably in my future if I can’t connect with some people soon.
- Spotify is next on the subscription list.
- I have completed 23 reading plans on the YouVersion app, including the “Bible in 90 Days” plan.
- I AM going to earn that Advent Reading Plan completion badge to make # 39 tally to 24 by the end of the year.
- I don’t think God is impressed by an Advent Reading Plan completion badge.
- I STILL haven’t finished editing my book.
- I blame the lack of Pepsi Zero Sugar in stores for the failure in # 42.
- Therefore, Walmart is keeping me from finishing the book.
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