In March I foolishly thought, “We’ll spend 15 days on lockdown and life will return to normal.” Have you seen, heard, or felt normal yet????

PLEASE let me know when you do. In the meantime, I’m going to do a little feature here on my blog called the COVID Craziness Corner. Feel free to chime in with your own version of absurdity about this pandemic.

As someone with an unusual heart condition, off-the-charts anaphylactic reactions, chronic migraines, osteopenia, diverticulosis, and aching joints, I decided that I just might be in the “vulnerable” category and should keep my bottom in one location. Call me crazy, but it seemed like a reasonable conclusion.

Staying home sounded relatively easy in March since EVERYONE was home including the ever-traveling hubby. But he’s back to work, as of this past summer, and this past month has finally gotten to me. I am…

OFFICIALLY CRAZY!

Yes, I’ve taken drives by myself to see something a bit different from my normal surroundings and family has come to visit me. I have kept busy and accomplished much and there is a lot more to do on my horizons.

I mostly live in an idyllic park-like subdivision. But I am getting really tired of walking (for “safe” exercise) the same 2 mile stretch of woodland, people.

There is only so much one can take of green leaves, sweating like a pig (I don’t know that I’ve ever seen a pig sweat, but it must be really gross???), and the cloud of dust the dog kicks up as she trots in front of me with her own tongue dragging on the ground.

I know what you’re thinking…”Geez, MaryAnn…Quit walking in the afternoon!”

The above scenario regularly occurs at 9 am, folks. Life in Texas in a normal summer is a little heated. This year it’s heated in more ways than one!

Tempers are flaring, people are glaring and car horns are blaring…Yes, I’m a poet and I DO know it.

When the hubby went back to work, I decided to give online grocery shopping a whirl. My conclusion?

The biggest liars aren’t in Washington, D.C….they’re the computers telling me what items are in stock in my local store.

I could probably deal with this if I didn’t live about 20 minutes away from the store. Guess when my favorite grocers like to alert me that they don’t have half of my order? About 15 minutes before I’m supposed to get my order. Thus, I don’t usually find out about my “missing items” until I’m waiting…in that infernal Texas heat…for my order to be wheeled to the car.

And yes, I do go through the items and say whether or not substitutions are okay with me when I place my order.

So, then I have another decision to make…do I risk going in the store, getting COVID, and my frozen items melting in the infernal Texas heat? This might mean food poisoning later on that could send me, God forbid, to a hospital where I could also get COVID.

On the other hand, if I don’t go into the store and figure out what I’m going to do for a substitute, I might be in the hospital for not being able to take some supplement/med my doctor prescribed. And I also know what you’re thinking right now…”Just go to another store, Crazy Woman!” Ummm….there are only 2 grocery stores in my town and you guessed it–they are both out of the stuff I need! This doesn’t just happen once in a while…it’s every week.

So, my conclusion about online grocery shopping? Either way I’m at risk for going to a COVID-infested hospital, unless I bring a gallon of sanitizer in my car to…wait for it…boil in the infernal Texas heat. Does boiling it make it more effective??? Hmmmm….

So, my choices are to starve, get sick, or need first aid from boiling-hot hand sanitizer. If I get sick, I’ll probably wind up in the ER. Why? Because my body has a well-developed sense of when all doctors’ offices close. If I go to the hospital (and yes, I have had to go to one during all of this mess), they ask me if I’m sick. If I’m sick, I can’t go in. Say what????

Conclusion? Those lying computer inventory programs are responsible for spreading the virus. I don’t think masking them will help, though.