As part of my Heartpaths assignments, I’m currently reading the book, Mastery by George Leonard. It’s not a particularly “religious” or Christian book–Leonard merely outlines what’s necessary in order to master anything we choose to master.

In Chapter 10 he discusses one of the realities that can derail mastery–homeostasis. Homeostasis exists for a very good reason: to create stability. The problem is that sometimes we need to shake up our homeostats in order to change for the better and master whatever we choose to master. That’s the only way permanent change takes place.

When we succeed in shaking up our homeostats, these pesky little things urgently try to return us to “normal.” Leonard feels that this is why we backslide on New Year’s resolutions to lose weight, exercise more and eat better. He adds that sometimes people can also be homeostats–trying to get us to return to a former state as well.

Enter last week’s post. I was nervous about posting my little self-beating. I hemmed and hawed about posting it, honestly. But, it was time to shake up my homeostats.

When I decided to go forward with Heartpaths, I asked God to “smoothe out my rough edges.” I think that doing so will make me a better servant for the Lord. And guess what? God heard that prayer and after constantly reminding me that He loves me, he finally said, “It’s time to start sanding, MaryAnn.” In other words, be careful what you pray for!

In my director’s defense, I’m pretty sure I asked her, in a prior session, if I was talking or “preaching/teaching too much.” During the last session she just asked me to consider that matter again. It was her gentle reminder that I had brought up the issue myself. She never chastised me in a mean or non-loving, non-respectful way. She is not that kind of person!

By reminding me, I realized that I was being a royal pain! That won’t lend itself well to me helping others! I also realized that part of my arrogance can be in pretending that my life is this blissful example of having my act together when, in reality, it’s not. In other words I need to get more transparent about my life. Dolly Parton was once asked, “Are you fearful about what negative stories about your past people might publish?” She responded, “No. I just tell those stories first.”

Thus, last week’s post was about how badly I berate myself when I review my behavior and it offends me and I’m ashamed. In those moments I tend to forget just how much love God has for me–I can’t quite feel it. That was my attempt at transparency and making myself accountable to others and telling my stories first.

Even today I realized I was talking too much/preaching/teaching again. Ugh. I may have to paint “Everyone is your teacher” to every surface in my home before I get the hang of this.

Several of you have said that you don’t perceive me that way. Thank you–that’s a blessing from on high. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still have work to do in these areas! (In fact I suspect there will be many more sanding arenas.)

A few years ago I decided my personal mission statement was, “Serve others diligently and cheerfully.” No where in that statement does it say, “Dominate conversations you have no earthly business dominating. Repeat yourself over and over again. Interrupt people. Think of yourself as the expert for all things.” And yet that is often my behavior! Again, ugh.

Leonard often states: Mastery is a goalless pursuit. That means until the day I die, I need to work on mastering transparency, self-control and serving others as God would have me serve. And for this pursuit homeostasis must be resisted as often as I notice it. I think, such a pursuit will one day make me a happier person and more content. And that sounds remarkably like someone who knows how much God loves her.

Do they sell mouth zippers on Amazon? Hmmmmm…

Friday’s Post: The Suitcase…

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