Warning: You might want to get your favorite beverage first.

The eldest son has his birthday tomorrow and a good birthday it’s going to be: he gets to return to his alma mater and watch a football game with his younger brother, who hopes to make the same university his alma mater in about 4 years. He will also join his dad and one of his good college buddies and his wife for the day. He is making his own way and making his parents very proud in the process. I wouldn’t say that I was always sure that would happen when he was a youngster! He, like many young boys, was rather rambunctious and curious and that often got him into some mischief.

But, probably his worst problem? Having rookie parents. So, here’s what the eldest son has taught those parents on the way to making us proud:

1. Pray for a son to be born to you. Have great people join you in those prayers. Pray to the God who managed to solve infertility problems for an elderly husband and wife. If he can do that and get a virgin preggers, he can solve your fertility problems, too.

2. Don’t let your anger show when disciplining your child, even if justified. Why? Because that is the exact same temper he will show you when he’s 17. Conclusion: I have a nasty temper.

3. Matchbox race tracks are a waste of money. Buy a parking garage instead.

4. The box the race track and the parking garage came in will later be used as train cars and will be played with more often than the parking garage.

5. Do not have single uncles buy your children toys at Christmas. They buy all the noisy, obnoxious ones.

6. Lego bricks hurt just as much as Barbie high heels at night when the lights are off.

7. I am not a great parent at 7 pm when I have to get 3 children in bed on my own after a full day’s work. Forget reading to my children. Why? That very question is why I didn’t read to them. They kept asking “Why?” after everything I read. Add a lack of patience to my resume of shortcomings as a parent.

8. If you teach a kid his addition facts, he will carve them in his bunk bed and above the light socket in your bedroom. How do you solve that issue? Bigger bed quilt and move your bed in front of the light socket.

9. A kid may actually learn to read the words on the flashcards if his little sister is banned from the room.

10. A kid may actually get to practice his piano lesson in peace if you get his little sister lessons, too.

11. Sometimes it’s okay if your child gets in trouble at school….if he’s in the process of helping a fellow student and forgot to ask permission to do that.

12. Sometimes your kid does have to take on a bully and let it be known that bullying will no longer be tolerated or ignored.

13. Even the most non-artistic parents in the world can sometimes produce an artist.

14. You can probably conclude that your son is starting to think about someone else when he picks your anniversary date as his football jersey number.

15. Volunteering can lead to your destiny.

16. You learn how tough your kid is when he is faced with his weakest moments.

17. Never underestimate the power of a girlfriend.

18. You think those movies your kid watches are a complete waste of time. Instead your kid is designing Christian retreat materials from them.

19. When your son doesn’t do well at school, never underestimate his ability to change, to admit he was wrong and to turn the situation completely around.

20. What you thought was stubbornness and stoicism turns out to be persuasive coaching and careful listening.

21. What you thought was just a part-time “character-building” job turns out to be precisely what leads him to his career.

22. Just when you think he may be on your payroll for the next five years due to a horrible recession, he finds a way to get off of it.

23. In the middle of becoming his own man, he will change the destiny of someone else–a sweet, abandoned little puppy girl.

24. Just when you think he’s completely different from his parents, he will start a career that strangely resembles his dad’s.

25. Just when you think he no longer needs you, he’ll start calling frequently just to tell you that he loves you.

26. When he is frustrated and worried about his job, you are, too.

27. The best of being that rookie parent is still yet to be…he likes to surprise us by doing the impossible and doing it well.

Happy Birthday, Big Guy! We love you.

Mom XXOO

Monday’s Post: Are you orgulous?

You might also like: Lessons Learned from De-Kidding the House and Lessons Learned from Being a Pansy and No, I Don’t Mean the Flower