The October 2014 MIP Book Club Selection is up! I think the guys will like this choice, not to mention a pile of my local compadres. Go here for details.

Howdy, MIP Book Club Lovers! The MIP September Book Club Selection was a little different than the average fare here. It was an actual Christian romance novel entitled The Way Home by Belle Calhoune. Either the long absence from novels or Ms. Calhoune’s writing made this book a “can’t-put-it-down” experience for me and I finished it before the month began!

The book is set in a seaside small town and Blue Donahue, the protagonist, has returned home from his globetrotting reporter duties to celebrate a monumental anniversary for his adoptive parents. Mr. and Mrs. Donahue didn’t just adopt Blue, but also 6 other boys from varied, and often troubled backgrounds. Thus, when an unforeseen event at the anniversary celebration, it puts the whole family in turmoil and they collectively wind up in the hospital ER.

Book Club Lovers: I have already finished The Way Home by Belle Calhoune. How about you? This is the first book of a series. Are you ready for the next one?

Children of the Day Update: Are you studying Beth Moore’s Children of the Day study on Thessalonians? If so, you may enjoy my Wednesday posts about what I’m learning in this latest study from her. Go here.

Redesign of MIP: If you’re a chronic reader of MIP, you probably are noticing that some things are redesigned today. Do some exploring–you’ll find some old information in new places and some things redesigned just to make MIP a bit more eye-appealing. Thanks, DSL, for wowing me again! And no, not in the Word of the Week sense.

Last week’s Word of the Week (WOW) was the questionable cock-a-hoop. I’m also scared to look this one up on Merriam-Webster Online. But, the “Bible” for dictionaries says that cock-a-hoop means: very excited and happy about something done;  triumphantly boastful; exulting. I am exulting over the fact that MIP is slowly being noticed more and more by people I haven’t yet had the privilege of meeting!

Book Club Folks: Do you have Songs in the Key of Solomon yet? If not, click here to order it from Amazon.com. If you already have the book, click here for the suggested reading plan for July. I’m already reading it and I think I’m in love with this book!

Warning: You might want to get 2 of your favorite beverages first. 

With age comes wisdom. Or so it is said. Often, I don’t feel as if that is all that evident in my life, but I do think some of my thinking has evolved over the years. Perhaps it is wisdom. Perhaps it is not. But, all I know is that when I let the evolved part of my brain loose, I am happier. Because of that, I am trying to let that part of my brain free on a more regular basis. It isn’t always easy. But, let’s examine one area where I think it has evolved.

Relatively early in my life folks often said that I was an “encourager.”  People have also said they can let their “guard” down with me and thus, when people do, I am so honored to have that privilege. When given that privilege and since I hate to see good people hurting, I do my best to try to find the “silver lining” in each person’s situation. I truly believe we can learn from any circumstance in our lives–good, bad or indifferent. Let’s be honest–sometimes we learn more from the bad stuff than the good.

Two things often result for me when I have such a focus: 1) The fear about the impending doom seems less capable of hurting me; and 2) I suddenly have a wealth of ideas on how to conquer that situation. Learning something new is a very powerful thing for me–it keeps life from being boring and it makes me feel more alive. How about you?

Why would an awful situation suddenly produce “happy thoughts” just because I think can learn from it? I thought differently. When we choose to change our thinking about a negative situation, suddenly new possibilities for solving the issue just “show up.”  Soon after that, the situation is usually resolved one way or another.

Not true? Wrong! Think about when you are ready to buy a new car. Let’s say you decide you want a blue Ford Explorer. Suddenly, wherever you drive, there are blue Ford Explorers everywhere! (Dang it–you hate it when I’m right, hunh?!) In all reality there were just as many blue Ford Explorers on the roads near you as there were yesterday. But, because you are now “attending” to that little desire to buy a blue Ford Explorer, your eye notices a lot of blue SUVs and pays even more attention to those that are Explorers!

If the above is true, then imagine what we can achieve if we merely make a decision to go out and achieve it. Here’s another example of what I mean: If you make the decision that you want to make the world a little kinder place, you start focusing on what you can do with the resources around you that would help the world become a kinder place. One of the easiest ways to do that is to “pay it forward” literally at your local drive-thru. We’ve all seen in the media how 1 person paying for the order of the car behind him started a “chain of kindness” of people paying for everyone else’s order for an entire weekend at a Starbucks! In fact when it rolled around to a Monday morning at one location, the person who originated the “chain of kindness” also received a free order because that person was back in line at the same location that following Monday morning! That means they just created a kinder world for themselves, too!

All because one person changed their thinking and made a decision.

The same is true about other areas of your life. If you decide that you are finally, once and for all, going to lose that weight and keep it off, sooner or later you will find what works for you and take it off. You won’t let temporary failure get in the way–you’ll simply regard it as discovering what did not work for you. And you’ll amaze yourself at how much you really know about successfully taking off weight if you sit down and write it out on a legal pad or computer screen, without even having to consult Google!

If that is true, then so is having a lot of discretionary cash at your disposal after you quit spending your hard-earned cash on cigarettes. So is learning a new language or being a better parent or being a better son or daughter.

Today is my youngest’s 20th birthday. Yes! No more teens at my house! (That’s been a long time comin’ around this humble abode.) The youngest has had obstacles at every turn–bad allergies, two over-achieving older siblings, learning disabilities that aren’t recognized by most special education programs at public schools, bullying and constant teasing at school throughout his academic career, and two perfectionistic parents. But, despite all of that, he is slowly learning how to deal with those overbearing parents of his, has ignored the bullies and teasers, worked around the learning disabilities (and even excelled at three subjects in high school), put up with the two siblings and takes allergy meds for those crazy allergies. He just chose to think differently about things so that he could still find joy in a world that doesn’t understand his unique brain. He could have chosen so many other paths that were much more destructive. But he hasn’t.

Is he perfect? Nope. Do I still wonder how he will turn out? Yep. Could he still decide to go down destructive paths? Yep. But, I bet that even if he struggles and makes some bad decisions this coming year, we’ll still be celebrating his 21st birthday with him next year. Why? Because he’s made the decision to not let the world get the best of him.

Are you going to let yourself be defeated?

Point to Ponder 1: If you could choose one area of your life to “remodel,” what area would that be? Your marriage? The way you treat your friends? Are you a little pudgy in some places? Is it alcohol or nicotine?? Whatever it is, walk somewhere away from everyone else (because this is going to get you labeled a mental patient!) and yell to that area: ” (Insert your biggest nemesis here!), YOU are not going to have ANY power over me anymore!”

Point to Ponder 2: Now that you know who or what “the enemy” is, spend a little time thinking about why this “nasty boy” is ruling your life like a tyrant. When are you the most vulnerable to an attack from this tyrant? At certain times of the day or night? What’s going on inside your head during those times? Because I guarantee you that whatever you are not acknowledging as a thought is what’s causing that tyrant to get the upper hand in your life. Write this all down somewhere so you can read it several times throughout the day. (My suggestion? Tuck it in your wallet or put it in your desk drawer where you keep the office supplies.)

Point to Ponder 3: It’s time to go on offense! You’ve identified the enemy and its tactics. What thoughts can counter those tactics? I realized that’s it’s pretty hard to stuff my face if my hands are busy (and now you know why I blog!). Can you distract yourself ? Replace bad thoughts with good ones? Now, post those on a sheet of paper on your bathroom mirror. If you think of more, add them. Read them each day to remind yourself that YOU are worthy of a positive change in your life and in the lives of others. YOU were put on the planet to make it a better place. And there’s no better place to start than with yourself.

Point to Ponder 4: Tyrants don’t give up easily and they WILL identify one of your weak spots or an area you still haven’t acknowledged. So, make “Plan B.” When that tyrant gets the upper hand again, what are you going to do to keep that tyrant from “winning the war”? Plan B should be about your “emergency thoughts and actions” that will take back that area from that tyrant. It may mean re-thinking one part of your original plan and adjusting it to meet the new challenge from an old foe. But, whatever it is, this time Plan B will thwart your enemy! Just because you lose one “battle” doesn’t mean you have to lose the war.

Go forth and conquer! 🙂

Monday’s Post: Two people knew the Word of the Week. Are you number 3???

You Might Also Like: The Honest Truth and Yes, That’s Redundant; The New Anniversaries; The Real Memorial Day; Eulogy for a Brother; and We’re Still Losing This War

As many of you know, MIP has a Book Club. On Friday, May 23^rd expect the Book Club to “rev up” again. The Slow Reader Friday post that day will be for our last Book Club selection and an announcement will be made for the June Book Club selection. Consider this your invitation to join those of us who already read the selections each month, if you haven’t joined us so far! We have even had an author join in on the discussion!

A lot of you also know that my operating budget for running this little blog is a big fat zero. Thus, I often rely on Amazon gift cards, gifts, hand-me-downs, and “leftovers” for book selection fodder! I’ve recently rearranged my MIP bookshelf, adding some of my brother’s books to the collection. As I surveyed the rearranged shelf, I realized, “This is one eclectic collection of craziness!”

I am about to reveal how illiterate I am and that I’m way, way behind in reading books by great writers. Do I get to plead busy wife, mom, career woman and student for this???  Also, as you can see, I will read just about anything…once!

Thus, I would appreciate hearing your thoughts and comments about such a bookshelf and which books should be an MIP Book Selection. Are there any I should avoid? For instance, I’m not into blatant Christian bashing, cussing, gratuitous sex, horror stories or over-the-top violence! As old as some of these titles are, all of them, except one (which I removed from this list) are still alive and well on Amazon.com. Comment away!

• Pride and Prejudice
• The Art of the Steal
• Raving Fans
• The Da Vinci Code
• To Fly Again
• Op-Center: Acts of War
• Op-Center: Balance of Power
• Op-Center: Line of Control
• Power Plays: Cold War
• Net Force: CyberNation
• The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
• George’s Marvelous Medicine
• Three Guardsmen
• Founding Brothers: The Revolutionary Generation
• Fields for President
• The Final Helping of “You Might Be a Redneck If…”
• Ocean’s 11
• Snickers from the Front Pew
• A Different Kind of Christmas
• Between Sisters
• How the Scots Invented the Modern World
• The Journey: Forgiveness, Restorative Justice, & Reconciliation
• The Five Dysfunctions of a Team
• Alex & Me
• Presbyterians & the American Revolution: A Documentary Account
• Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
• Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
• Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
• Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
• Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
• The Happiest People on Earth
• One Was Johnny
• Texas High School Football Dynasties
• The Unlikely Spy
• A Grace Disguised
• Get Off Your Knees & Pray
• Charlotte’s Web

Friday’s Post: Does Lumosity.com Really Illumine???

You might also like: Slow Reader Friday:  And Then There Were Nuns; Slow Reader Friday: Undaunted; and Slow Reader Friday: Life Interrupted

Ever since the health adventures in June and reading The Hole in the Gospel, I now view acquiring more stuff very differently. When there are 800 million people on the planet who don’t even have safe drinking water, it’s a little difficult for me to construct a wish list full of stuff I simply want and don’t actually need. If you don’t have enough to eat, you can survive for a while. But, if you don’t have enough to drink, you die within 48 hours. In addition many of the world’s diseases are greatly reduced when people have safe food and water sources.

Doesn’t seem important to you because of this year’s recession and the healthcare issues in our own country? Well, consider this. When we take care of people we have not even met around the world, we say a LOT about who we are as a nation. We, in essence, are SHOUTING compassion, generosity and kindness when we donate to causes that help people in developing countries or put a roof over the head of someone who’s been trying to get off government aid for years. It’s detente at the grass roots level.

Still not buying it? That’s okay. This is America and you’re entitled to your opinion. But, keep in mind that you, yes you, even with your meager income and having a dependence on government aid yourself, are still far wealthier and more blessed than the average 3rd world person. Why? Because you can read. Yes, read. Most of the world finds this a luxury.

When my kids were little, they would create their Christmas wish lists around this time of year. They were adorable and got posted on the refrigerator. Many were done in crayon with childish scrawls and pictures for anything they didn’t yet know how to spell. With the relatives living far away, having them on the refrigerator was handy for me, so that I could relay them to their very generous extended family.

When they became teens, they often wanted things that none of us ancient adults could even figure out. We might spend hours looking for something in the toy aisle only to learn we needed to be in the video game and electronics section of the store. Thus, we moved the “Christmas wish list” system to email, with each person pasting links of their hoped-for item. This worked splendidly.

However, even with this system, duplicate purchases often happened or sizes weren’t right. The wrong color was purchased. The link didn’t work, as expected.

Enter amazon.com. Amazon has taken their wedding and birth registries up a notch and now allows you to make a wish list for any gift giving occasion. What’s even cooler? They allow you to ship that item right to the recipient’s door, often free of charge. And the recipient can put in notes about size, color, or reason for wanting that particular item, right beside the item.

What’s that? What you want isn’t available through Amazon? No problem. You can add a browser icon that says, “Add to Wish List.” So, all you have to do is go to the web page containing what you want, click the browser icon and voila: your item is added to your Amazon Wish List.

So, why am I rattling on about Christmas wish lists when I just said I want everyone to contribute to charity around the globe? Because you can use that oh, so handy little icon to have your loved ones and friends contribute to worthy causes around the globe–causes you get to select yourself! For my wish list this year, I have asked for donations to charitywater.org, World Vision and Habitat for Humanity.

Now, don’t worry–I’m still enough of a material girl to put down some other items that are just for me, but if my donation items are the only gifts I receive this year, I will be just fine. Why? Because I don’t have to dust, sweep, or clean a donation to a worthy cause. Because I already have safe water to drink. Because I already have enough to eat (so much so, that I have to exercise it off!). Because I already have a roof over my head and warm clothing on my pudgy, vertically-challenged bod. Because people I don’t even know will have a merrier Christmas just because of one little browser button.

“For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.” –Matthew 25: 35-36

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving and a truly giving Christmas shopping trip! 🙂

Well, Book Club Homies…we’re here! I hope you have taken the journey with me as I read Life Interrupted by Priscilla Shirer. And here’s why: I was fortunate to hear Priscilla Shirer speak at the 2013 Women of Faith conference in Dallas. And Priscilla had a tough place on the agenda–right after a filling lunch! She was quick to acknowledge that most of her audience might be nodding off during her time slot! But, she was oh, so wrong–she held my attention the entire time she spoke!

Thus, I was anxious to make the first MIP Book Club Selection her book, Life Interrupted. I have to confess that I chose her book partly because of the ridiculously cheap price for the Kindle edition–a mere $ 2.99. But, it turned out to be a GREAT $ 2.99 to pay. The stoic Scot over here found herself crying several times as I read about her take on the book of Jonah.

I don’t know about you, but I can so relate to Jonah. Running away from my responsibilities is one of my favorite hobbies! But Shirer carefully and skillfully shows us why God did what He did with Jonah and how we, as modern-day Jonahs, can learn to embrace an interrupted life as something new and magnificent and even as an adventure.

It is truly difficult to pick my traditional 3 quotes today, because I’d like to put about 19 here, but here are the ones I selected:

1. “…interruptions are only negative when we deem the person, problem, or circumstance that’s forcing itself on us to be of less value or interest than what we were doing before.”

2. “Hold your own plans loosely and stay ready to submit to His. Consider them to be more important, more desirable than anything you could dream up on your own.

3. “Sometimes the divine intervention of God means breaking allegiance with what you love.”

So, dear Book Club Readers (and Slow Reader Friday Readers!), I have a few questions for you to answer below. Today I will ask you a few more than I will in future months, simply because I want your input about the type of books you like to read, etc. I will do my best to take your interests to heart when I’m considering books for the future:

a) Do you prefer Christian-oriented books or something different?

b) What genre of book is your favorite? Biographies, novels, non-fiction, self-improvement, historical accounts, mysteries, sci-fi???

c) What is the highest you are willing to shell out for a Book Club book? (I’m trying not to break your budget, so please be honest and you can answer under an “assumed name,” if necessary.)

Here are the Life Interrupted questions:

d) On a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “WOW! Loved this book” and 1 being “Really? Why did you even select this book???”, where would you rate this book?

e) What was the most memorable quote of the book for you? Why?

f) What other impressions (good, bad or indifferent) did you have to the book? (Remember–I’m not judging anyone about anything here–you have a right to your own opinion–even if it’s completely different from my own!)

Thanks, in advance, for sharing!

Click here for the November 2013 Book Club Selection!

Monday’s Post: How roweled up are you?

You might also like: Slow Reader Friday: Mere Christianity, Book Club, and Slow Reader Thursday: Heaven by Randy Alcorn

Book Club Readers: Next Friday is when I will review Life Interrupted by Priscilla Shirer! Plus, I will announce the November Book Club Selection. Please finish the book prior to Friday and have your comments ready! I am very anxious to hear your thoughts about it!

Probably every contemporary Christian has read Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis. While I have read some of his works (The Chronicles of Narnia and The Screwtape Letters), I have to be honest that still haven’t read what many consider to be Lewis’ masterpiece, aka Mere Christianity!  Here are my rather late impressions.

First, those new to Lewis’ work need to remember that he is English and wrote in the early to mid-20th century. There are references and illustrations that are, for today’s reader, a bit dated and no longer applicable. However, an overwhelming portion of the book is still just as relevant today as it was when C. S. Lewis first wrote it. And despite the fact that Lewis was a noted professor at one of the most prestigious English universities, Lewis writes in an easily understood manner. And yet, the reader must also read “up.” I did find myself thoroughly scratching my head to follow a few of his arguments and statements.

The primary target for this book are the non-believers. And through Lewis’ convincing writing, even a non-believer has to admit that Lewis’ arguments are compelling and difficult to ignore. Perhaps this is because Lewis once found himself in the “non-believer category.”

When I chose to read it, I did not realize I was picking up my dad’s copy who was a Presbyterian minister and former college professor. He passed away in 2008 and to see his penciled-in notes throughout this paperback was fascinating. I realized, by Dad’s notes, that he had probably purchased this copy to teach Sunday School classes about the book.

In some places I would have underlined and commented on the same things my dad did. In other places I was drawn to far different statements than my dad. Since I generally share three quotes that stood out to me in my book reviews, I thought it would be fun to pick three quotes that also stood out to my dad, so this Friday, you’re getting a “two-for-one” deal!  Here are a few of Dad’s favorites:

1. “As long as you are proud you cannot know God.”

2. “Christ offers something for nothing: He even offers everything for nothing…..the difficulty is to reach the point of recognizing that all we have done and can do is nothing.”

3. “God is not hurried along in the Time-stream of this universe any more than an author is hurried along in the imaginary time of his own novel. He has infinite attention to spare for each one of us. He does not have to deal with us in the mass. You are as much alone with Him as if you were the only being He had ever created. When Christ died, He died for you individually just as much as if you had been the only man in the world.”

Here are my favorites:

1. “Christianity is the story of how the rightful king has landed, you might say landed in disguise, and is calling us all to take part in a great campaign of sabotage. When you go to church you are really listening-in to the secret wireless from our friends: that is why the enemy is so anxious to prevent us from going. He does it by playing on our conceit and laziness and intellectual snobbery.”

2. “And free will is what has made evil possible. Why, then, did God give them free will? Because free will, though it makes evil possible, is also the only thing that makes possible any love or goodness or joy worth having. A world of automata–of creatures that worked like machines–would hardly be worth creating. The happiness which God designs for His higher creatures is the happiness of being freely, voluntarily united to Him and to each other in the ecstasy of love and delight compared with which the most rapturous love between a man and a woman on this earth is mere milk and water. And for that they must be free.”

3. “The better stuff a creature is made of–the cleverer and stronger and freer it is–then the better it will be if it goes right, but also the worse it will be if it goes wrong.”

So, dear teacher and Dear Teacher, thanks for giving a middle-aged Christian some “new” things to ponder. And Dad, if you’re up there in Heaven seeing this, thanks for the “Cliffs Notes.”

Monday’s Post: Do you live in fear of redound or anticipate it?

You might also like: Slow Reader Thursday: Heaven by Randy Alcorn, Slow Reader Thursday: Going Places, and Slow Reader Thursday: A Grace Disguised

Oh, and using butter (in moderation) is okay, but margarine is absolutely taboo. To be fair, there are some fruits, vegetables, and healthier protein sources than what I’ve listed above. And Dr. Desmarais does advise using the above foods sparingly to take further care of your heart. 

But, I knew my mother was lying when she said I had to eat my vegetables. Thanks for the needless dinnertime torture and emotional trauma, Mom.

Now…you’ll have to excuse me, I have to go fry some bacon in some lard and eat some Froot Loops.

Monday’s Post: Who is a boffin? Yes, that was a hint….

You might also like: 100 Things I Plan to Do Now that I Don’t Share My Home with Teens or Kids 

Remember how I said I was pulling a “Jonah” on one of the books about death that I was feeling that God wanted me to read? Well, I finally came out of the “whale” and read it this summer. Heaven by Randy Alcorn is that book. It took a while to read–473 long, small-fonted pages, without adding in the multitude of appendices. Maybe this was one of the reasons why I chose to “run away” from reading it???

Alcorn contends that there are actually 2 Heavens referenced in the Bible: the one we presently go to upon our earthly death and the resurrected “New Earth” that develops after Christ’s return. The New Earth will be much like our present Earth, except that it will be devoid of anything that resulted from evil on our current planet, such as pollution and warfare.

Perhaps Alcorn‘s most salient point is that we tend to think that Heaven will be boring, but when we assume that, we fail to remember how God created us–as endlessly learning, exploring, discovering, and yes, ruling people. If we are such people on the New Earth, then we will find Heaven endlessly fascinating, if for no other reason than we can endlessly ask all the questions we have on our minds. Thus, we should look forward to our time in Heaven and thus, be a people who does not fear death.

Here are some of the quotes from Heaven that especially hit home with me:

1. “If God didn’t have a sense of humor, we…wouldn’t. That He has a sense of humor is evident in His creation. Consider aardvarks and baboons. Take a good look at a giraffe. You have to smile, don’t you?”

2. “The buds of this life’s greatest moments don’t shrivel and die; they blossom into greater moments, each to be treasured, none to be lost. Everything done in dependence on God will bear fruit for eternity. This life need not be wasted. In small and often unnoticed acts of service to Christ, we can invest this life in eternity, where today’s faithfulness will forever pay rich dividends.”

3. “…joy will be the air we breathe. And right when we think ‘it doesn’t get any better than this’–it will.”

Perhaps it’s time for you to stop being Jonah, too, and take a moment to learn about “Foreverland”, aka Heaven???

In the never ending theme of my life, “God has a sick sense of humor,” the hubby and I went off to the big city for an echocardiogram yesterday. Since I have been feeling better and better, I thought this would just be a part of the routine follow-up care one must endure after a heart attack. But, that would be oh, too simple for MaryAnn. Since I have had “echos” before, I knew this one was taking way too long. I could also see the screen this time and even my untrained eye didn’t like what I was seeing. And I was, once again, reading the body language of my echo technician. And it wasn’t good.

Apparently, the echo showed abnormalities. However, I was not scheduled to see the doctor on this visit–just to get the echo. So, after checking with a physician (My doctor wasn’t in the office, of course.), they sent us on our way and said there were no changes to my recuperative care.

While on the way home, we stopped for gas. While my hubby pumped the gas, my cell phone rang. It was my doctor’s nurse. My doctor had reviewed the echo and wanted several changes. First, stop taking the new drug I had just started 2 months ago. Also stop taking aspirin. These meds are usually considered vital in keeping me alive. The reason for stopping these meds? To take Warfarin instead. What?! Apparently, I have a blood clot at the base of my heart. The clot puts me at risk now for a stroke. Joy.

But that wasn’t the worst part. I also needed to start another drug right away, preferably by the end of the afternoon and the orders were to take it twice a day. Guess how you take this med. You self-inject it.

I’m pretty much a human pin cushion from countless allergy shots, hospital IVs, blood draws, etc., but all of those were administered by a medical professional. I’ve never, ever had to inject myself. And since I nearly passed out in 9th grade Biology when we had to prick our fingers to put blood on a microscope slide (I finally had to have my lab partner do it), this is enough to send ol’ MaryAnn to the psych ward for about 2 years.

This could not have happened at a worse time. Normally, I would probably have my son learn how to give me the injections, but he is moving to college this weekend. (He has a new reason to leave home!) Normally, my husband would rearrange his business schedule to help me out, but he is moving both of our sons this weekend. Normally, I know a pile of nursing students from our local university, but all of those have recently graduated and found positions in other communities. Normally, my daughter, who doesn’t live too far away, would probably meet me somewhere and help her poor mother out (even though I’m sure she’d rather go back to grad school!). She’s on a much needed vacation in Colorado with her new husband right now.

I got off the phone and the hubby could tell I was visibly shaken. I repeated what the nurse told me and we drove down the road silently for the next 10 minutes. Silence in the family car usually means something is drastically wrong. Then I received a series of additional phone calls from the same nurse with the following newsflashes: They don’t have the injectable stuff at my normal pharmacy that already understands how much garbage I endure because of my medical adventures, so I had to go through all the insurance garbage at another pharmacy. My primary care physican’s staff would not be able to give me the injections this coming weekend when they were closed. Pharmacies can’t give me the shots, either. I can’t have any alcohol whatsoever. (And after the first phone call, I was thinking inebriation might be the only way I could persuade myself to inject myself two times a day!) I can’t take any pain relievers except Tylenol and I can’t exceed 2000 mg of Tylenol per day (A mere pittance when I’m having a migraine and stress brings on my migraines.) I can’t be on antibiotics while on Warfarin. However, since my doctor won’t allow allergy shots right now, I’m coughing more which generally brings on bronchitis which is usually treated by antibiotics. I have to maintain a healthy diet, but no salad greens of any kind. No broccoli, either (A lot of my Lean Cuisines have broccoli in them.) I take cranberry pills to prevent yeast infections and you can’t take cranberry products when on Warfarin. (Read above to remind yourself about the old antibiotic thing!) Vitamin C and Vitamin K can be an issue, too. And both are in my multi-vitamin, of course.

Oh, and here are the kickers: I have to inject the shots into my stomach; I have to get blood drawn at least every week (maybe 3 times per week); and I’m not allowed to do anything in which I could injure myself (I walk into walls on a good day.) and I’m not supposed to gain any weight. So, how did mature MaryAnn respond? I burst into tears and I have only stopped long enough to consume lots of chocolate and other assorted junk food. I slept a total of 2 hours last night and my heart condition is stress-induced. Guess where my blood pressure was this morning? Right back where it was when I left the hospital in June…and that is NOT good. (It was fine yesterday morning before the appointment.)

So, for the last 18 hours I’ve been trying to do cognitive therapy on myself (There are some perks to having that master’s.) and I do have a contingency plan in effect until I can get my mind around this new little reality. The shots may continue for up to 4 weeks.

While I have a feeling I will have more “lessons to learn” as this progresses, here are the lessons learned (and a bunch of questions) so far from being a big, fat wimp:

1. Is this penance for actually owning Barry Manilow albums in the 70s and singing along to them???

2. Obviously, I’ve gone back to the 1970s, because I am now reverting to the “sailor language” of my college days. (My children do not believe I ever swore…my college homies would vehemently disagree.)

3. I can talk a brave game until I see the actual needle.

4. I have to shoot this stuff into my belly fat. Thanks, doc, for giving me twice daily reminders that I still have belly fat. Do not expect a Christmas present from me this year.

5. It will be easier to shoot this stuff into my belly fat, thanks to all the chocolate I plan to eat for the next 4 weeks….at least.

6. Open heart surgery now sounds so much more appealing.

7. Brain surgery now sounds so much more appealing and that may be what is needed in order for MaryAnn to stick herself on purpose.

8. When I was trying to opt out of this injection nonsense, Jesus chose that precise moment to remind me that he had nails pounded into his feet and hands. Yeah, Jesus. But you didn’t have to pound the nails in yourself.

9. Where is whale blubber when you need it?

10. Can I practice giving injections on my doctor first? (He has no stomach fat, and I’ve decided that’s my Christmas gift to him this year.)

11. Why is the practice needle about 1/3 the size of the one I’m supposed to really use???

12. I’m now beginning to understand why Jesus got perturbed with the disciples for not praying with him in the Garden of Gethsemane.

13. Where is Jeremy Renner when I need him? Or Dr. Marta Schering??? Can I viral my way out of this??? Where are the frickin’ blue and green pills??? I guess I dropped them while jumping from one mountain top to another.

14. If this is what is required of me in my 50s, what will be required of me in my 70s??? Water boarding comes to mind.

15. I’m now reviewing the part of my counseling textbooks on systematic desensitization. My counseling homies just laughed their heads off.

16. I can watch the headlines on the Today show 5 times and still not comprehend what Lauer and Guthrie are still discussing. Savannah did get a new haircut.

17. Sudoku Kingdom is now my favorite new web site….especially at 3 am.

18. Solving world hunger sounds like a much easier problem to tackle today.

19. This pretty much effectively ends the internal discussion I’ve been having with myself (Yes, I’m now hearing voices in my head…not a positive sign for mental stability.) about whether I can continue to organize our church’s little venture to Women of Faith. Right now…I don’t think I effectively fit the description for a Woman of Faith.

20. Maybe coaching others through the stressors in their lives is not a good idea right now…unless misery loves company.

21. The novel was progressing pretty slowly as of late. Warp speed now.

22. Where is my “Get Out of Jail Free” card?

23. When you bawl like a hysterical little 3 year old, your husband will suddenly be willing to give you “the moon.”  And that’s where I’d like to be right now. Last time I checked there were no mean doctors or syringes anywhere on the surface of the moon.

24. When I bawl like a baby, my husband starts bribing random nurses with homemade ice cream. I hope he leaves some for me.

25. I thought masochism was a bad thing.

26. When you get a shot as a kid, the doctor gives you stickers or a lollipop. I better get an All Day Sucker for this venture…each…and every time.

27. As of today, I have a new prescription for Xanax.

28. Looking up the cost of sharps containers online can lead to some interesting pop-up ads. But, I still got the gratuitous Netflix ad.

29. I’m thinking of taking up sword-swallowing as my next hobby.

30. We may need to move up the Hawaii vacation planned for 2017 to…like…tomorrow.

31. It should be easy to get IN to Mexico, right??? If a drug lord points a gun in my face, I’m going to tell him he can have it all, but he has to inject me with 2 syringes a day for the next 10 days. That’s in his job description, isn’t it???

32. The first song on 70s on the 7 this morning was very helpful–“Taking Care of Business.” The second one–not so much: “Freddy’s Dead.”

33. I must have pissed off a gypsy in a former life.

34. Maybe reading a book entitled “Heaven” right now is not such a hot idea.

35. Makeup doesn’t hide the “shopping bags” under my eyes very well. Need to get another vat of concealer the next time I’m at Wally World. Maybe I can pick that up with the sharps container, the Xanax, and the swords. Do you need a license to carry a concealed sword?

36. Even waterproof mascara is pointless at this point…and I don’t really want to talk about points right now…not even Weight Watcher Points. However, I may need Jennifer Hudson to sing to me while I inject myself.

37. Amazon will deliver a semi-load of Godiva chocolates to my house for free by tomorrow morning if I subscribe to Amazon prime.

38. I don’t qualify for home health to help me with the injections because I drive  my own car. So, if I itch my foot, does that mean it rains in Jamaica? Remind me to make sure I have my driver’s license with me when I shoot up.

39. Where is a heroin addict when I need one? He can give me injections and I can give him substance abuse counseling…it’s a win-win, right?

40. I’m looking for a cave to crawl into and if I see any Al Qaeda members there, I’ll let you know.

41. Is this because I had 3 pieces of butterfinger pie last weekend?

42. TSA now has a new reason to completely obliterate any semblance of suitcase organization I might attempt (as if carrying nitro pills weren’t enough).

43. I used to have a phobia about mice.

44. My self esteem went on my Hawaiian vacation without me. It had better take good pics of the volcano.  Of course, TSA could confiscate its camera.

45. I have the greatest friends and family. Thanks for all of the prayers. Please pray that these meds work fast and I can get back to the usual stupid stuff of my life….like facing an empty nest.

You might also like: MaryAnn’s Hospital Survey, Lessons Learned from Completing a Hospital Survey, and This I Just Can’t Resist