I know many of you are expecting a post about your favorite posts of 2014, but something unusual happened on Wednesday night that I just can’t resist discussing.

First, let me say that we had a wonderful turnout for the Ribbon-Cutting ceremony for Compassion Counseling Center and we couldn’t be more pleased. Thanks to all who helped us launch this new endeavor. Now all we need are lots and lots of counseling appointments for our counselors-in-training so they can graduate on-time.

Unfortunately, I chose to trip over a cement curb in the parking lot and did a huge face plant in the parking lot afterwards and I now know, firsthand, what getting a black eye feels like. Only I could end a fabulous day this way.

Have no fear–I am fine. But, while I was in the ER awaiting the results of my first CAT scan, I had a lot of “free time” on my hands to come up with a few lessons learned. Gosh, I hope I learned some lessons from this stupidity.

1. As a member of the Board of Trustees for the church, I think I’m going to bring up better lighting in our parking lot at the next meeting and….painting the cement parking curbs hazard yellow.

2. Remind me to heed the thought in my head to wear jeans and tennies when cleaning up after a public event. (I was in high heal boots and I have never walked all that elegantly in heels.)

3. I now have something in common with Sylvester Stallone. (I look like the female version of Rocky after a fight.) Could I please get a paycheck like Sylvester Stallone?

4. I chose to protect the crock pot in my arms rather than my face, because it belonged to the Executive Director for Compassion. Remind me that replacing crock pots are cheaper than replacing my face.

5. Thanks to the CAT scan, I now know what it’s like to be inside a dryer. I totally get why they have pretty blossoming tree branches on the ceiling tile.

6. Remind me to bring Tums to my next CAT scan.

7. I know what black top taste likes now. I’m not impressed.

8. Scrapes under your nose hurt more than a gigantic knot on my forehead. Who knew?!?

9. Neosporin helps quell a stinging upper lip. Do they sell Neosporin in “vat-size”?

10. Band-aids should be curved. Can I get a paycheck from Johnson & Johnson for that idea????

11.  Before you get strapped to the oxygen level and blood pressure monitors, grab your cell phone and Kindle so you aren’t absolutely bored senseless while waiting forever for your CAT scan results.

12. Reading glasses should be curved.

13. My bright red reading glasses now match my new version of “eye shadow.” You know me–I like to “match.”

14. Is this God’s way of “knocking some sense into my head”? If so, He and I need to talk.

15. I’ve been praying for humility as I work on creating Compassion. Remind me to be more specific about the way I’d like God to do that next time.

16. I’ve heard, “Pride goeth before the fall.” I just didn’t know God meant that literally.

17. My “goose egg” matched my bright blue dress. See # 13.

18. My swollen chin is not amused by the expression, “taking it on the chin.”

19. I wonder if there’s a vendor for the blossoming tree ceiling tiles. Can you Google that?

20. I’m now really fond of “Jackie O” sunglasses. The bigger and the darker, the better.

21. I definitely have my master’s in Psychology. While in the ER, I was praying they wouldn’t report my injuries to the authorities since I look like Exhibit A in a domestic violence textbook.

22. It’s difficult to wear reading glasses and Jackie O sunglasses at the same time. Jackie O sunglasses should be curved.

23. I may have to reconsider the “Any day I’m not in the hospital is a good day.” mantra I’ve had for the past few years. How about “Any day I’m not in the ER it’s a good day.”????

24. I need to buy more of the tights I wore Wednesday. I bruised my left knee and yet, no run in the tights at all.

25. Do they make tights for faces?

Monday’s Post: WOW time

You Might Also Like: Lessons Learned from Starting a Nonprofit Counseling Center and Lessons Learned from Being a Part-Time Wife

I promise that I will get off this tangent of being ungrateful, but the reality is that I have still not learned how to be thankful for the following:

1. Canned Peas: The frozen variety suits me just fine, but that slimy pale green version reminds me of…well…you know. I am grateful that I at least have the choice  between the slimy version and the frozen version! Oh, and I don’t care what brand is on the outside of the can, they’re still slimy on the inside of the can.

2. Asparagus: I think this is a texture issue for me, but when you cook a veggie, shouldn’t it get softer or better tasting? Asparagus doesn’t seem to do either for me. Even dousing it in artery-clogging sauce doesn’t seem to help. I’ll just consume the sauce, thank you.

3 Band-aids that don’t stick: It’s okay if the band-aids fail when they get wet or have been on for too long, but more and more, the band-aids in a brand new box don’t seem to stick like they did when I was a kid. We used to rip off arm hair when we took them off as a kid. All I can figure is that kids must have a lot more arm hair these days. And why do we need more arm hair???

4. Loud roads: Yes, you read that right. I used to think that not being able to hear myself think while in the car was due to a lack of air conditioning. Then, when we got an air-conditioned car, I thought it was because we couldn’t afford the expensive models with better soundproofing. Well, I have the expensive car now and they are even louder, if you ask me. And this conclusion I have reached despite advancing deafness. Maybe we should pave roads with ear plugs and acoustical tile??? If not, then may we economically develop hovercraft vehicles before I leave the planet for good.

5. Small jeans pockets/Bigger cell phones: Why did I put these two together? Because when I am in a meeting or service or gathering in which it’s necessary to put the phone on vibrate, I prefer to put it in my front pants pocket where I not only will be sure to feel it vibrate, but also will be able to retrieve it easily and noiselessly. Since women’s jeans designers insist on the “low rider” look, the front jeans pockets are too little for safely holding my mammoth phone. While I enjoy a lot of the features of my phone, even the smallest smart phone will not fit well in these pockets. I am forced to either constantly re-stuff it in said tiny pocket or pocket it in my back pocket where a pick pocket can pocket it.

Monday’s Post: Are you ephebic?

You might also like: Things I’m Not Thankful For…Part 3, Things I’m Not Thankful For…Part 2, Things I’m Not Thankful For…Part 1, and The Odd Days of November

A mere 4 years ago (2009) I walked, along with 3 wonderful women, 60 miles in 3 days. Yes, back-to-back-to-back days. If I can do it while closing in on the big 5-0, you can, too. (And I wasn’t the oldest chick on the course…by a long shot!) All you need is determination, love, compassion and support from your family and friends. Here’s what I learned from my 3 Day:

1. Pink foam bunny ears can be a hot commodity. Do not get in my teammate’s way when she’s hunting for them.

2. I still remember how to do the Bump to Kool & the Gang…unfortunately, I did not remember how inflexible and slow I am at doing it now.

3. Don’t get mesmerized by the pretty pink flags at the Opening Ceremony and wind up at the back of the walker crowd.

4. You can take any theme and turn it into something about boobs…the favorites? “Boobstock” by the 60s hippie push van, “We’re Busted” by the Jailhouse Rock push van, and “No booty, just ta-ta’s” by the Pirate push van.

5. When your feet get tired, walk past an elementary school, complete with a wide variety of cute pink ribbon pictures, tiny hands desperately trying to reach above their playground fence to give you a high five, and teachers with pink wigs and ties on.

6. Dallas cops are the best…they will stand, in their uniforms, in the hot, Texas sun all day to hold up traffic so you can get through busy intersections and still wave their pink foam bunny ears at you (and wear pink wigs and beads and flowers). They’ll even stage photos for you of them arresting you.

7. The orange safety crew is the most tireless group of people I’ve ever seen.

8. 3 Day mileage is not calculated the same way my car and my pedometer does it. Apparently, it’s computed twice as long.

9. Pink tents up ahead is your salvation.

10. The port-a-pots with the shortest lines are the farthest away from where you are standing.

11. It only takes 2 days to forget how to flush a toilet.

12. No matter how hard you try to keep from tearing the wipies, you’ll tear the wipies.

13. Actual soap and actual water is a luxury. Purex is a necessity.

14. Toilet paper is a luxury.

15. Take Imodium AD with you on the 3 Day…let’s not go into why.

16. I can retie my shoelaces, call the hubby, re-stretch my lower extremities and eat a package of baby carrots all during one light cycle at a Dallas intersection.

17. When you get winded, drink water.

18. When you get lightheaded, drink Gatorade.

19. When you get nauseous, suck it up, Princess.

20. The next great innovation for the 3 Day will be portable morphine IVs.

21. I want the adhesive tape concession next year.

22. My teammate is not very fond of  eating chicken for lunch.

23. Another teammate doesn’t like peel on her apples.

24. Sitting on acorns is actually comfy.

25. A curb is your friend at the pit stop…it’s your enemy while walking. (And who designed those mile-high versions????)

26. I have a new appreciation for handicap accessible sidewalks.

27. Warning signs need warnings.

28. Nowhere else will the pack of walkers ahead warn you of bikers, acorns, traffic sign poles, and uneven sidewalks.

29. It doesn’t matter what collegiate team you root for on the 3 Day…there is someone else there who roots for them as well.

30. When you think you can’t take it anymore, a cheer station complete with dogs in pink bandannas saying “Dogs for the Cure”, toddling little girls in tutus, the craziest signs, cold water, bubblegum, Twizzlers, Snickers, Starbursts, Starbucks, stickers, high fives, and your family and friends will do the trick. (I was ready to walk up mountains after that!)

31. Only at the 3 Day is it normal for the most macho men to wear pink boxers, pink sox, tutus and pink fanny packs.

32. Harley bikers are the most compassionate people in the world.

33. Smuckers PB and J’s, pocket bananas, and trail mix are da bomb.

34. A sea of hot pink tents is home.

35. Young, handsome, virile men walk on eggshells after the 2nd day of the 3 Day.

36. Your feet going numb is actually a good thing.

37. Speed is not the key on the 3rd day.

38. Irony is walking past the Hooters during the 3 day and no waitresses in orange shorts come out to greet you…as every other restaurant’s staff did.

39. The Dallas West End cheer station will make you feel like a rock star.

40. When the sign says, “Uptown”, it means it. Where the heck was the sign for “Downtown”?

41. Going down hurts as much as going up…pray for even sidewalks.

42. Narrow sidewalks are just annoying.

43. Homeowners who don’t trim their prickly bushes are now targeted for their trees getting TPed…that is, if we can find any TP.

44. Homeowners who don’t trim off their lower tree branches should see # 43.

45. Preston Hollow is one pretty neighborhood…no wonder George and Laura decided to move there.

46. Little girls in pink PJs on a Sunday morning will automatically make you smile and go Awww.

47. There is a little 3 year old boy who hit his daddy’s pitched ball “out of the park” and already has a 2900 member cheering base. He even knows how to tip his cap to his fans. Tell the Rangers to sign him now.

48. Yes, MaryAnn can be quiet…it’s called she’s composing her next FB note.

49. We now know my teammate’s  middle name…don’t ask.

50. Don’t ask the tall guy in the green, pink and white tutu to demonstrate his stretching techniques.

51. The Bra Bug is a photo op.

52. I am now a street walker…but no one wanted to pick me up this weekend, for some reason…oh, it might be my stench….and the Grand Canyons under my eyes.

53. Remind your teammates to put their underwear on right side out.

54. Remind yourself to put on deodorant.

55. Masseuses could make a fortune massaging feet and my kids can find the prettiest pink roses.

56. Nobody cares that your pedicure is 19 years old at lunchtime on the 3rd Day…they’re more impressed if you don’t have blister Band-Aids all over your foot.

57. Want applause? Do the entire Thriller dance at lunchtime on the 3rd Day of the 3 Day.

58. Don’t play “Party in the USA” around my teammates unless you wanna get slugged.

59. Amusing texts from family and friends are the only way to survive while on the 3 Day.

60. Your family and friends are now officially “Walker Stalkers”. 🙂

61. Where you walk on the 3 Day is apparently a national secret.

62. Daily route cards are more valuable than gold.

63. Dallas 3 Day walkers raised $ 7.5 million. Yet, there were only 2900 walkers (they’ll take 5000).

64. The number of volunteer crew members needed to run a 3 Day? 450.

65. The number of volunteer crew members with smiles on their faces and still shaking “their tail feathers” after 3 days? 450.

66. Kim can do Chemo on Friday, cheer for her team on Saturday and Sunday and be too sick to party with you afterward…she’s my hero.

67. You know your shoes stink when your husband sprays them with enough Axe for a third world country.

68. You know you stink when even you would prefer not to be around you.

69. Don’t get between my teammates and the wine.

70. I have the most supportive friends and family in the world, including those who wrote us all notes which we found at the 3 Day post office on Day 2.

71. The most beautiful sights in the world are an overweight woman and a pregnant woman limping along for the lumps.

72. You can jay walk for jugs!

73. 10 years ago I had trouble walking around the block after 2 heart attacks…this weekend I walked 60 miles….God is good. And yes, that will bring tears to my eyes.

74. Yes, I will cry at the opening and closing ceremonies…yes, me.

75. Breast Cancer still hasn’t been cured, but we’re making progress. Doing something that matters….matters.

In early November a friend of a friend, Ms. Janet Carter, will be walking her 2nd 3 Day. She walks in memory of a friend who lost her battle with breast cancer at the tender age of 24. Please donate so that she can qualify to walk for her by going to her page here.

I am shocked that Americans haven’t risen up and maxed out the limit for walkers at every 3 Day. Let’s show them how big the heart of America is. There is no such thing as too old, too fat, too creaky, too sick. There is no such thing as unable to raise the funds (It just takes some perseverance and some audacity and last time I checked, Americans are audacious.). There is no such thing as “It’s a bad time for me.” Four women with 7 jobs, families and working on 3 degrees managed to find the time. Start early, start now…the site is: http://www.the3day.org.

Love you all…thanks for what you did to try and stop breast cancer from harming those we love (and what you continue to do)…I’m sure you have saved a life….maybe more than one. Maybe you saved your own.

Friday’s Post: What took me so blessedly long to read this book?

You might also like: Lessons Learned from Walking 18 Miles and 15 Miles Back-to-Back and Lessons Learned from Walking 18.2 Miles…in the Rain

October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month, in case all the pink surrounding you didn’t notify you of that fact already. In 2009 I chose to walk the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk, in which a person fundraises a lot of money to walk 60 miles in 3 days. It is both the best and worst thing I’ve ever done in my life. As part of the training to prepare to walk that far, one does a weekend back-to-back walk of 18 miles one day and 15 miles the next day. My 18 mile day came when it was pouring down rain. To make it worse, my walking partner wasn’t able to join me. Here’s what I learned from that rather miserable day:

1. An additional pair of tennies would be handy for when you are on the opposite side of the track from your car which houses your rain poncho.

2. Anyone wearing a fanny pack on their bum is probably a 3 Day walker.

3. Start with Aleve, take a break with more Aleve, finish with Vicodin.

4. Having a hubby bring you protein at the 2/3 mark makes the final 1/3 much more bearable and him a hero of the nth degree.

5. You can listen to 450 songs on your iPod in 7 hours.

6. 18.2 miles is an excellent way to end constipation….for the rest of your life.

7. Your wet t-shirt (No, I wasn’t in some guy’s lame excuse for a contest…besides no one wants me in that kind of a contest.) doesn’t dry out in your car in 5 hours, no matter how carefully you drape it over the head rest.

8. 2 bottles of water, 2 G2‘s and a large sweet tea are necessary for hydration.

9. Axid taken several times keeps one from embarrassing him or herself while walking in public.

10. Flat feet will tell you all about their existence about Mile 12.

11. Shin cramps are just a 40 something’s body’s way of saying “Let’s warm up, shall we?”

12. If the forecast says, 40% chance of rain, plan on being wet…permanently.

13. People who walk/run the track backwards are annoying.

14. People who cannot control their dogs on the track make the people running backwards look intelligent.

15. A pair of dry sox is heaven.

16. Sunglasses make a good rain deflector.

17. If you bring the blister Band-Aids, you won’t need them.

18. If your hubby rubs your feet afterward, you’ll worship at HIS feet, if you can walk that far. 🙂

Friday’s Post: The next most stupid thing I’ve ever done…

You might also like: Lessons Learned from the Breast Cancer 3 Day Garage Sale, Lessons Learned from 2 and Lessons Learned from Attending Women of Faith