This coming Sunday CBS will be broadcasting the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament Championship Selection Show. Since I spent a number of my “formative years” in Indiana, I have to confess that I get a little obsessed with collegiate basketball at this time of year. My alma mater, Purdue, will not be there this year, thanks to a lousy season, but that doesn’t mean that the following doesn’t still apply for a girl who claims a Hoosier heart. And since I also spent a portion of my younger years in the ACC area, I am a devoted Duke Blue Devils fan, as well. I mean, those med students at Duke actually study how best to distract opposing teams. How can you not love that about them???

1. Always pick the team playing against IU. Even if half the family graduated from the “land of Bobby Knight.”

2. Never pick Kentucky, unless they’re playing IU. Even if your brother-in-law is a die hard fan.

3. Never pick the 16th seed….unless you really do believe that Cinderella story was true.

4. Always carry your picks with you everywhere you go.

5. TiVo all the # 8 seed/#9 seed and #7 seed/#10 seed games. Pick at least one upset. Maybe Cinderella occasionally gets the handsome prince.

6. Take the phone off the hook…purposely let the cell phone battery wear down.

7. Curse at your children if they ask you a question while your team is playing.

8. Apologize to your children for cursing at them during a commercial. Pray to God for forgiveness during halftime.

9. Plan your entire weekend’s schedule around when the games are on.

10. Visibly hiss when someone suggests that the SEC has bball teams.

11. At least feign positive feelings towards the other Big Ten teams while they are playing.

12. Still pick the ones you think really will win…even if they are the 15th seed and they’re playing Arizona.

13. Be significantly ticked off when the ref blows a whistle on a play where no one even bled.

14. Be significantly ticked off when teams play run and gun bball…it’s not a track meet, gentlemen.

15. Pray for OTs…that’s when the real show begins.

16. Frown when someone fails to know what March Madness, Sweet Sixteen, Elite Eight, Final Four, and the Big Dance mean. I’m sneering as I type at the mere thought.

And here are a few rules I picked up while living on the East Coast:

1. Never, ever pick UNC…at Chapel Hill.

2. Never, ever pick Arizona.

3. Never, ever pick Kansas.

4. Never, ever pick UVA.

5. Just call him Coach K…it’s easier.

6. Investigate what a Demon Deacon and a Wahoo is. Be stunned when you hear the definition, even if you are a Boilermaker.

7. Hiss at the Big East teams.

8. Watch until the very end. These teams are serious about beating buzzers.

9. Marvel at the crowd innovations for messing up free-throw shooters. I swear this is how flash mobs were invented.

10. Ponder why a team known as Devils decided that Blue should be their mascot’s color. (I generally think of pitchfork-toting nasty guys as being decked out in red, but then I was born in Big East country.)

Tomorrow’s Post: Pontifical Poetry