01
Aug
Aug
What would an Archaeologist Say About This in 100 Years?
The youngest is cleaning out his room and the other areas of the house where his belongings have migrated in preparation to going to college this fall. It’s kinda like an urban 21st century archaeological dig, if you ask me. Here is what I predict he will unearth at these excavation sites of his:
- An empty aquarium with blue rocks only (He just HAD to have those BLUE rocks.) with one measly, slimy green plastic tree
- Gum wrappers from the 1990s
- Various assorted items he “stole” from his two older siblings
- Every Bionicle known to man, each one missing an essential part.
- Broken drumsticks
- Clothes he wore when he was 6 (He will probably argue that they still fit, too.)
- Books about dinosaurs, none of which he has read
- The school library book I had to pay to replace 10 years ago
- A Netflix rental for Pan’s Labyrinth which he swore he didn’t have
- Five unused Bibles (They will magically get into his suitcase by the Bible fairy.)
- 4 half used cans of Axe spray, in various, conflicting scents
- Expired gummy multi-vitamins (bottle still full)
- 4 empty prescription bottles for his ADD meds, all of which have expired
- 200 dull pencils with no eraser left
- 101 dried out pens
- 6 boxes of dried out assorted colored markers
- 7 packs of dried out modeling clay in assorted colors (His life is just a rainbow!)
- 4 pieces of unused poster board, with at least one corner torn each and two creases each
- 16 pairs of scissors that used to reside in my kitchen drawer
- 29 pictures of old girlfriends and girls he wished were his girlfriends
- 8 sports bottles with the remnants of red Gatorade welded to the bottom
- 4 partially empty, flat-tasting cans of Pepsi Max (which is my favorite beverage, I might add!)
- A dusty gorilla mask that he wore in 6th grade
- 1 gorilla hand (See # 24)
- 2 gorilla feet (See # 24)
- 10 stuffed animals that he insists he’s grown out of, but won’t throw out or donate
- 3 mostly unused tubes of toothpaste with the caps all missing
- 16 razors (and yet we still have to remind him to shave every other week)
- 4 razor blades still in their original packaging
- 2 retainers that are too small for his mouth now
- 3 boxes of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle band-aids
- 2 boxes of Power Ranger band-aids, none of which still have the sterile outer wrapping
- 4 issues of the Swim Suit Edition of Sports Illustrated (He will swear that these just walked into his room somehow.)
- Several rolls of assorted colors of electrical tape
- 1 roll of duct tape in which the beginning is permanently cemented to the roll.
- A partially chewed rawhide bone
- 2 super-sized bottles of mouthwash, both 90% used accompanied by a very interesting stain on my carpeting
- A fruit roll-up from 1995
- 4 birthday cards with money still in them
- A dead partridge…pear tree and bird seed optional.
Monday’s Post: Are you eurytopic?
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