Book Club Readers: Santa brought me Killing Jesus, so I plan to start my reading today. How about you?

Warning: Get 2 of your favorite beverages first.

Happy New Year! Not to be outdone by December, there are just as many “holidays” in January that make one turn his or her head and think, “What?!” Here’s what I mean:

January 2nd – Run It Up the Flagpole and See if Anyone Salutes Day (Doing this at a military base is cheating, right?)

January 3rd – Festival of Sleep Day (How festive is a festival involving sleep???)

January 3rd – Humiliation Day (I guess this day is for the people who were awake at the Festival of Sleep.)

January 4th – Trivia Day (We need more opportunities to pour useless information into our brains?)

January 5th – National Bird Day (in a month when most birds have flown south for the winter)

January 6th – Bean Day (January 7th must be “Passing Gas Day,” right?)

January 7th – Old Rock Day (So, we watch Rock Hudson movies this day???)

January 8th – Male Watcher’s Day (I suppose Female Watcher’s Day would be sexual harassment?)

January 9th – Play God Day (This is a day in which we honor U.S. politicians???)

January 10th – Houseplant Appreciation Day (Actually watering mine would probably be a good start.)

January 11th – Step in a Puddle and Splash Your Friend Day (Let me guess–1/12 is Former Friend Day?)

January 12th – Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day (I think I’d prefer to feast on wild rice, thank you.)

January 13th – International Skeptics Day (I guess a national holiday wasn’t enough here.)

January 14th – Dress Up Your Pet Day (as if we didn’t have enough opportunities in December)

January 15th – National Hat Day (Duh. It’s  January.)

January 16th – National Nothing Day (I got…nothing.)

January 17th – Ditch New Years Resolutions Day (aka “No More Waiting at the Treadmill Day”)

January 18th – Thesaurus Day (So, when is Dictionary Day?)

January 20th – National Penguin Awareness Day (Since I live in Texas, this should be relatively easy.)

January 20th – National Buttercrunch Day (I generally consume butter that is crunchy, don’t you?)

January 21st – Squirrel Appreciation Day (Let’s not tell Duck Dynasty about this one, okay?)

January 22nd – National Blonde Brownie Day (Blonde brownies are smarter than brunette brownies?)

January 23rd – Measure Your Feet Day (Why????)

January 24th – Beer Can Appreciation Day (Most beer drinkers prefer appreciating what’s in the can.)

January 25th – Opposite Day (I suggest not using this day to contradict your boss.)

January 26th – Spouse’s Day (This is probably even less appreciated as a holiday than February 14th.)

January 27th – Punch the Clock Day (One should punch a clock on a Monday.)

January 28th – National Kazoo Day (Celebrate this one at home to prevent losing your job on 1/29.)

January 29th – National Corn Chip Day (I smell a Communist plot by Frito-Lay.)

January 30th – National Inane Answering Message Day (Many will have to do nothing to celebrate this.)

January 31st – Backward Day (as opposed to Opposite Day?)

However, there are some actual useful days to celebrate in January:

January 1st – New Year’s Day (Make goals for the new year so you can drop them on January 17^th.)

January 6th – Cuddle Up Day

January 12th – National Pharmacists Day (Thank your favorite pharmacist!)

January 13th – Make Your Dream Come True Day (Notice this comes before 1/17.)

January 19th – National Popcorn Day (That’s an excuse to watch a movie, right?)

January 20th – Martin Luther King Day (Remember how this man changed the USA for the better.)

January 21st – National Hugging Day

January 23rd – National Pie Day (May I suggest you get or make a pie for a neighbor and take it to them?)

January 23rd – National Handwriting Day (Write an actual thank you note with pen and ink!)

January 24th – Compliment Day (Maybe hand write why you appreciate your neighbor???)

January 27th – Chocolate Cake Day (I won’t have trouble observing this one…how about you?)

January 28th – Fun at Work Day (Maybe bring a chocolate cake to work???)

January 29th – National Puzzle Day (Doing puzzles helps us retain our mental faculties as we age.)

January 31st – Inspire Your Heart with Art Day (Go to an art museum/gallery to inspire yours!)

Friday’s Post: New Habits for a New Lifestyle…

You might also like: The Odd Days of December; The Odd Days of November, Twas the Night AFTER Christmas…, and If You Visit Your Cardiologist, You’ll Wind Up in Kansas