Posts Tagged ‘Lysol’


The Effect of Other “Women”…

toy cow

Warning: Get a beverage first.

In case you hadn’t heard, June is Dairy Month. At my house, it’s Dairy Year…every year. Why? Because the hubby works for an agricultural company that sells to dairy farmers. Early on in my relationship with said husband, I figured out that I had some competition for his affections…the four-legged kind. I did emphatically state that I wanted me to be at the top of his affection list, but I have always known that, after me (and now our daughter), bovine female creatures are his next love…mooing and all. Here’s what I’ve endured after 31 years of such competition:

1. An over proliferation of cow-themed mugs. So much so that I’ve had to send the less significant ones to garage sales twice just to make room for more.

2. Cow-themed birthday, anniversary, and Mother’s Days cards. I tend to forgive this provided I haven’t already seen one 14 times and if they’re pretty humorous.

3. Giving out cow-themed thank you and Christmas cards, complete with the company logo.

4. Extra amounts of Febreze to counteract the bovine smell emanating from the hubby’s clothing. Lysol also works when it manages to infiltrate the washer and dryer.

5. When noting the above, hearing my hubby’s response of “Smells like money to me.”

6. A higher water bill because the hubby has to get the bovine smell off of his body as well.

7. A large collection of dairy boots in assorted sizes outside my garage door, usually with remnants of bovine manure still encrusted on them.

8. Cow-themed wall paper in my hubby’s office.

9. Cow-themed knick-knacks, glass milk bottles, and cow pictures throughout my home.

10. A garage full of supplies to be sold and given to existing and potential clients.

11. Entertaining a house-full of distributors and sales managers as they meticulously discuss cow “proofs.” Don’t ask–trust me–you don’t want to know.

12. Knowing exactly how cows get pregnant. Let’s just say that a “walk in the woods” has taken on a whole new meaning at our house.

13. A remarkable amount of black-and-white decor throughout the house.

14. Cow-themed t-shirts that so fill up my drawers that the local clothing charity has enough to keep 4 cities fully clothed for 2 years.

15. Dirty cars and broken windshields. When the hubby routinely traverses rocky, dusty, and muddy country roads, complaining about the aforementioned usually falls on deaf ears.

16. My car conversations being interrupted by a sudden head jerk by the hubby when he finds a new dairy he never knew existed before.

17. Understanding exactly what TPI is and why it’s important in the bovine industry.

18. Answering his cell phone non-stop because cows don’t understand normal working hours.

19. Living in small towns and out in the boonies because the hubby gets claustrophobic if there’s less than an acre between him and his next door neighbor.

20. Knowing that the s word is not considered swearing by most dairy farmers.

21. Losing a weekend date due to clipping cows for the 4-H Dairy Show that weekend.

22. Reminding my 4-H kids that using the s word is NOT okay inside our household no matter how many times they heard it at the Dairy Show last weekend.

23. Knowing why spray paint is important. Again, don’t ask.

24. Having 4 large coffee pots in my garage for the State Holstein Show breakfast.

25. Dressing my kids in Halloween costumes remarkably resembling cows.

26. Wearing cow-themed sweatshirts for the family Christmas picture.

27. Knowing exactly where that side of beef in the freezer originated.

28. Having to delicately explain what my hubby does for a living to “city folks.”

29. Despite explaining delicately, watching city folks respond with wide open mouths.

30. Realizing that dairy farmers don’t usually live next door to IHOP, Ikea, and Pier 1 Imports.

31. Empathetic smiling while my hubby explains why restaurants should serve butter as opposed to margarine to a very irritated waiter or waitress.

Despite all of the above, there have been multitudinous benefits to being married to “Dairy Boy,” so most of these things seem rather trivial after trips overseas and to Alaska, steaks every night for dinner, and a beautiful home, so I’ll keep on enduring the above for all the “perks” that come with it. Just don’t send me another cow mug.

Monday’s Post: What do you think eidetic means?

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Lessons Learned from De-Kidding the House…

cleaning gloves

Warning: Get a beverage first. 

The last child departed for college last weekend. While I am a little sad about this new phase of my life, I am also excited about his future and the future wedded life of two people who haven’t stopped thinking about parenting since about 1984. My dad had a philosophy about entering his retirement years: “You don’t retire from something; you retire to something.” In other words you make some plans for the next phase of your life and get busy living out those plans. That’s my choice for this empty nest phase of my life.

My mother-in-law, upon entering this phase of her life, took one of her offspring’s bedrooms and converted it into a child’s playroom. Why? Because she was already a grandmother and felt the “grands” (as she calls them) needed a safe place to play when visiting her home. She took the “remnants” of her own children’s playthings and created a haven for her eventual 12 grandchildren. Recently, she and her hubby made the decision that it was time to move in with their daughter and her family and thus, the old homestead, including the playroom, went on the market. However, before it sold, all of us gathered at that home to reminisce about our memories of the house they called home for 43 years. Chief among the “grands” memories are playing in that playroom and that just stuck with me.

It also occurred to me that if I want to invite people over for dinner in this next phase of life, some of them are going to have young children and they are probably going to get bored with adult conversation at some point in the evening. So, having a playroom for them to explore and discover would be an awesome way to entertain them until the day when I have my own “grands”. Therefore, each of my children’s bedrooms are about to be converted. One is already semi-converted–my daughter’s former bedroom is slowly evolving into a writing office for me. My eldest son’s bedroom will revert to a guest bedroom for all of our out-of-town and out-of-state relatives. But, the youngest’s room is about to become…as you probably guessed…the playroom.

I have big ideas for that playroom, probably too many to actually put into one small room, but the first part of creating the playroom means gathering up all the “remnants” of my kids’ childhoods and when you begin to clean out closets, drawers, toy bins, game cabinets and student desks, there are bound to be a few surprises along the way. Their belongings have migrated all over the house, so “de-kidding” the majority of the house is a really interesting process, especially when your kids really like hanging on to things. Here’s what I have learned so far:

    1. Wear a hazmat suit.
    2. A welding mask may come in handy, too.
    3. Bring your own supply of oxygen and put a clothespin on your nose.
    4. Buy a case of hospital gloves. Change frequently to prevent getting bubonic plague.
    5. I now know why we never have any flashlight batteries. They were at the back of the “games cabinet” for the games that do not require batteries. I suppose this is somehow logical in a kid’s world.
    6. We don’t have much in the “safe” toy department. I’m not sure if this is an indictment of my parenting or if this is because the safe toys were all destroyed by ruffian children long ago. I didn’t say my children were stupid.
    7. We have a lot of kid movies, but no VCR to play them on.
    8. We have a lot of kid music, but no cassette player to play them on.
    9. I’m thinking the kid cassettes and videocassettes will make an interesting grandparent story that begins, “When your mom or dad was a little girl/boy, they had to walk 12 miles to school every morning in the snow, uphill both ways and they watched movies on a machine called a VCR. What is a VCR???? Well, your dad was fond of putting apple cores in ours because he thought it was hungry…”
    10. Order a semi-load of garbage bags.
    11. Alert your trash service that you need a dumpster.
    12. Question whether each item is trash or simply something you do not understand because it bears no resemblance to the toys you thought you bought your child.
    13. Throw out all the flattened penny souvenirs on the pretense that they are a choking hazard.
    14. Throw out all the gum wrappers…even the ones with antique status from 1987.
    15. Step around the stain in the carpeting that your children have carefully hidden on the pretense that they wanted to rearrange their rooms.
    16. Be thankful you’re wearing the hazmat suit based on the discovery of # 15.
    17. A kid can pack all of his stuff for college and his room still looks the same. I guess he kept all the “good stuff” under his bed??? I don’t think I want to know. I’m officially scared. Maybe Maizie should come with me for cleaning out under the bed….for protection.
    18. If you ever wondered what happened to the change left over from sending them to school to pay for certain necessary items, it’s in the dresser drawer that will no longer open without a controlled demolition of your son’s room.
    19. What’s keeping it from opening? My guess would be an experiment with gum from 1987.
    20. Dress socks are apparently non-essential stuff for college.
    21. I’m totally amazed the Children’s Story Bible is not essential equipment for a college dorm.
    22. I’m not really sure what I’m going to do with the purple and aqua frosted pop tarts in my pantry. Oh. Wait. There are probably enough preservatives in those things to last until I have a grandchild old enough to be poisoned by them…around 2020.
    23. I’d throw out more stuff, but I’m pretty sure it would damage the ozone.
    24. You know it’s bad when the dogs won’t even sniff it.
    25. I have found a new reason not to eat….ever. My cardiologist will be so pleased.
    26. I’m not sure Wally World has enough bug killer and Lysol spray for this operation.
    27. I now understand why we had credit card debt for 25 years.


Monday’s Post: Has it been aegis for you, too? 🙂

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