Jul
Lessons Learned from Facebook Page Insights…
For those who don’t know already, my Facebook blog page gives me “Page Insights.” This is Facebook-speak for statistics. I have now endured 5 semesters of statistics and it’s 5 semesters of my life I will never get back. To add to my nightmare, “Google Analytics” is also available to me. Understanding Google Analytics is sort of like trying to understand how God can be 3 Persons and yet, one Being. In other words, I need a Ph.D. in Mathematics to understand it. Page Insights is a little easier to understand. Emphasis on the word “little.”
- I feel honored that Zuckerberg has elected to have me give feedback about the new version of Page Insights. Dang. His marketing worked again.
- Since many of the graphs are in layered shades of blue, it’s a little like trying to explain the difference between ecru and ivory to your husband.
- I used to think “Reach” was how long my arm extended from my body. I was wrong. It has to do with how many people see my blog page posts…I think.
- Engagement has nothing to do with the “adopteds” getting married. That’s good, because I don’t have enough bucks in my bank account to buy that many wedding presents.
- Heart attacks are good for my “reach” and “engagement.”
- Based on # 5, y’all are really sick and twisted. Fortunately, I know a counselor who can help you with that. Oh. Wait. She’s sick and twisted, too. Never mind.
- My recent status statements amuse you. Conclusion? The drugs are working.
- My readers are more engaged when they misunderstand my status statements. It couldn’t possibly have anything to do with me being unclear.
- There are a lot of really big peaks and really big valleys on my graphs. We’re talking Himalaya-sized here.
- Based on # 9, I’m very unpredictable. It couldn’t possibly mean my writing is inconsistent.
- Red arrows and numbers are bad. I used to like red.
- The number of “likes” for my blog page goes dramatically upward after 6/14/2013. See # 5.
- The “likes” can come from API stories and ads on Facebook.
- I don’t have any “likes” from # 13.
- I am okay with # 13. API stories generally make me nervous. Ditto for Facebook ads.
- There is an “unlike” button on Facebook. Unfortunately, only those of us who have professional pages can see it…when someone hates us. Thanks, Facebook.
- My self-esteem just plummeted. Thanks, Facebook.
- All of my “reach” is organic. I guess that would be when I extend my arm to add to my compost pile and when Maizie “fertilizes” our grass??? So glad I don’t use pesticides on my blog. I really don’t need cancer-causing agents on top of heart attacks.
- Nobody shares my stuff. That’s okay–I didn’t want other people’s germs anyway.
- My readers are not morning people. I knew y’all were “my people.”
- I can stop putting up posts at 7 am. See # 20.
- Some of you actually work at 8 am in the morning. You’re also rather productive at 9 am, 2 pm, 4 pm and 8 pm. Now you’re spooked, right???
- I promise I won’t tell your boss about #22.
- Teens aged 13-17 don’t read my stuff. This makes me officially irrelevant to the next generation. Thanks, Facebook.
- 75% of my readers are female. I guess I need to do more posts on sports, beer, and sex?
- My stuff appeals to women my own age. Because women my age run the world.
- I’m okay with # 26.
- My next biggest group of readers? Young moms…probably because they’re tired of listening to Barney all day.
- I have 4 fans from the UK. I prefer to think of them as Liz, Will, Kate and Harry.
- I appeal to people from 13 different states….of mind.
- Based on # 30, I can run for President and win, right?
- I am okay with not doing # 31.
- I have one fan from Hungary. Thank you, exchange student programs and thank you, Sophie. I am now “global.”
- I could die from a heart attack waiting for some of Zuckerberg’s graphs to load. See # 5.
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