You’d think that a Christian, who also holds a bachelor’s and master’s in psychology would have thought of this: apply Myers-Briggs typology to church ministry. But nope, I’m not that bright!

For those unfamiliar with the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory (MBTI), it is widely-used to place people into one of 16 different personality types based on four different aspects of behavior. As with most such tests, each personality type has a particular set of likes and dislikes.

Hirsh and Kise (the authors of SoulTypes) take it a step further and list how each personality type would prefer to deepen their faith. For some it’s doing outreach or mission work. For others it’s practicing religious rituals from the Christian faith tradition. For still others it could be innovative ways of learning about God.

If you’ve ever wondered why the things that “trip your trigger” religiously don’t seem to interest your fellow parishioners and church members, here’s the answer: They don’t have the same personality type as you! I think this answers the question as to why some of us are Methodists; some are Catholics and some are Assembly of God. We all find meaning in certain traditions, innovations and service characteristic of these denominations.

However, we should remember that not everyone in our churches neatly fits into the denomination’s normal practices and we should try to have a wide variety of opportunities for people to find that meaning for themselves. While this is a huge programming challenge, particularly for small churches, it would probably attract more people into our sanctuaries who have traditionally been irritated by some of our insistence on doing things a certain way.

I felt that Hirsh and Kise made this book more complicated than it had to be and that much of it was very formulaic and repetitive writing (probably because my personality type likes innovation!), but the information is valuable in thinking through how one can effectively minister to a wide variety of personality types.

If you are truly going to call yourself a naturalized Texan woman, there is one experience you must undertake.  Nope, it’s not wearing cowboy boots (Most Texas women wear stylish flip flops 9 months of the year, my dear Yankee friends. Sorry to burst your bubble on that one.).  Nope, it’s not donning a rhinestone-studded cowboy hat.  Nope, it’s not getting “big hair.”  Nope, it’s not riding a horse or roping a calf or shooting a gun.

To be truly Texan (or in my case, the naturalized version) and a Texan woman, one must visit the vaunted, hallowed Sam Moon. For my Yankee friends, Sam Moon is basically Cheap Accessory Heaven for us lady folk down here in the Lone Star State. And it makes Claire‘s and Icing look silly.  Why?  Because Sam Moon’s stores are about 10 times the size of a typical Claire‘s or Icing store.  And there is much more there than hair dohickies (It most certainly is a word!) and jewelry at Sam Moon.  There are rows upon rows of tables of purses, tiaras, luggage and now, home goods. It’s boggling.

Until last year, I could not claim naturalized Texan status. Yep, that’s right. I had lived in Texas for 20 years and have never been to Sam Moon. But, I don’t think my first trip will be my last trip.  For the uninitiated, here is the “411” on what to expect when stepping foot in a Sam Moon:

1. Remind yourself to pick your jaw off the floor after entering.

2. Sam must be Asian. And I think everyone who works at Sam Moon‘s must be his friends and family.

3. They are serious about plastic coverings on things at Sam Moon.

4. I cannot explain our stupidity in not visiting this store when the DD had to wear an average of 4 evening gowns per year during high school.

5. If they have it in clear colors, they have it in red, pink, blue, purple, gold, cream, black and probably orange.

6. Not everything at Sam Moon is cheap. But that’s a good thing…for my wallet.

7. If you think you’re spending $ 50 at Sam Moon, you are dead wrong. Double that….at least.

8. The DD and I do not have the same taste in jewelry or purses. But, we are pretty good at spotting the things that the other does like.

9. I do recommend a “team approach” to tackling this store. See # 8. Next time, I’m bringing “backup.”

10. If you have a definite idea of what you want at Sam Moon, you’ll change that idea at least 5 times in the course of picking something out.

11. If you can walk out of Sam Moon without buying something, you are a man.

12. If you are a man and forced to accompany a woman to this store, bring War and Peace and one of those folding chairs.  Bring a drink for the cup holder. Maybe two. Snacks are probably a good idea, too.

13. There are no one-hour trips to Sam Moon.  Plan on at least two, if not three or four hours.

14. I am a sucker for a bargain.  I am a sucker for real leather purses for under $ 40, too. *sigh* (But, can I add that I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on my leather handbag that is really holding up well???)

15. Don’t see something that’s your particular taste??? Who are you? Ivana???

16. If it costs more than $ 5, then it’s in the “high security area.”  And you have to buy it in order to coordinate it with other things in other parts of Sam Moon.  Those clever Asians.

17. If you want to think about your high security item, you can put it in a box and take a number coordinating with that box, so it can be retrieved later when you decide you’re an idiot if you don’t buy it.

18. Apparently, a lot of people take advantage of those boxes.

19. Those boxes are not nearly big enough. I recommend refrigerator box size.

20. They keep building more Sam Moons. And they seem to get closer and closer to my home. This is not a good thing for my wallet. I would say that it might lead to a divorce, but the PH discovered the Sam Moon luggage store.  No War & Peace necessary.

Tomorrow’s Post: Remember Mattson?

You may also like: Lessons Learned from Committing a Neatness on My Laundry Room  and Lessons Learned from my Dentist.

I encountered Christal N. M. Jenkins (the author of Live!) at my first writer’s conference in Portland, OR. If you’re depressed, she is the “medication” that doesn’t require a glass of water or swallowing a pill. Christal’s smile, alone, will raise your spirits. It’s a smile that has known a lot of pain and hardship and yet, refuses to give into “the darkness.”

She taught a learning-loaded seminar for new writers and I learned a lot from her well-organized presentation. Even more impressive is that she didn’t refer to her notes (At least that’s how it appeared to me.). But, as she alluded to surviving some serious health issues, I felt myself identifying with her story more and more.

Thus, I purchased her 2nd book, Live! In Live! she recounts losing a job that gave her a fair amount of status and deciding that she would succumb to the call to preach. Even though she felt she was doing just that, she began having scary health difficulties. This was made even more difficult by her hectic schedule of traveling and speaking and volunteering. One is often at the mercy of others for transportation and not knowing where hospitals are while traveling.

Eventually, Christal was hospitalized and a diagnosis was found. And yes, I have suffered Christal’s illness. But, that is not the point of her story (or mine). The point is that we, as Christians, are to speak life to others and live. How does one speak “life”? Have you heard of the Bible? 🙂 I confess that I often don’t enjoy memorizing Scripture, but when I do force myself to do so, it usually comes in very handy when talking with others who need some encouragement.

Christal felt she was being directed to Ezekiel’s description of the “dry bones” during this period of her life. And on pages 49-54 she deftly lays out what the “dry bones” of our lives could look like: unemployment, fear, tragedy, etc. As she does so, she reminds us that God’s word can handle where we are in our lives and give new life to those “dry bones,” whatever they may be.

Point to Ponder Challenge: What are your “dry bones”? How can you speak “life” back into them and get moving again? Does someone else need you to speak “life” to them? What can you do today to help that process along for them?

Warning: Get 2 of your favorite beverages first.

Remember how I dreaded the annual check-up with my internist and my dental adventure? Well, yesterday was the final “installment” in my exam trilogy: the “woman’s exam.” And while this exam is every woman’s annual nightmare, mine took place on a rare Texas spring day…I think. The weather more accurately represented a spring day in Chicago, with torrential downpours, bone-chilling winds and low temperatures. Here’s the “takeaway”  and plot synopsis from this year’s nightmare:

1. Don’t get dressed in the morning–it saves time when exposing various private parts to complete strangers.

2. If traffic is stopping in odd places while proceeding to the clinic, it may be because one is doing a modern-day rendition of Lady Godiva. See # 1.

3. There are actual decently close parking spaces at the clinic at 8:30 am. Of course, this was probably the one and only time I qualified for parking in the Nudist Colony reserved parking space.

4. Check-in with receptionist # 1. Well, maybe. Her computer is down and has to reboot. This, of course, is the one and only time she’s had to do that and of course, this is the one and only time I am a few minutes late already for appointment # 1.

5. Fill out same questionnaire I fill out every blessed year. How many pregnancies have you had? (Since I went through menopause in my mid-40s, I think it’s pretty safe to say that I won’t be getting preggers any time soon.) How many live births have you had? I prefer to be alive while giving birth. I guess I’m rather rare?

6. Address an envelope to myself for the mammogram results. Since I haven’t moved in over 20 years, would it really be that hard for them to address the envelope based on the voluminous info in my file? Their bills seem to address themselves and make it to my house just fine.

7. Disrobe top half of my body (You didn’t really think I did the Lady Godiva thing, did you?) and clean off deodorant just put on 30 minutes ago. Feel sorry for anyone who has to smell my armpits for the next few hours, except maybe for the technician who’s going to squish my chest soon. Mutter something incomprehensible about not remembering I can’t wear deodorant. And why does wearing deodorant offend mammogram machines??? Hmmm.

8. Try not to freak out when a total stranger moves my boobs all over the place. Thanks to previous such exams, they do move easier this time around. However, since they are smaller due to weight loss, the technician decides they’re not movable enough. *embarrassing sigh*

9. Wonder if I will be performing a belly dance later when she suggests that I stick things to my nipples.

10. Pray to God that she will get these little x-rays on the first “try.”

11. Re-robe for the first time.

12. Exit exam room and prepare to jaunt to the adjacent building for next demeaning exam. (Note: It’s kinda important not to mix up # 11 and # 12.)

13. Mutter something un-Christian when a cold, torrential downpour is between me and the adjacent building. Grr.

14. Run the 50 yard dash in Olympic record time. Drip a waterfall 0n immaculate waiting room floor # 2.

15. Check in with receptionist # 2. Note that she could do stand-up after her day job. Note that you are not amused.

16. Drip all over immaculate waiting room chairs.

17. Pull out next Slow Reader book. Search for one of 3 pairs of reading glasses in the bottomless pit (aka my purse).  Find 1 pair after removing everything in the pit.

18. Reload all of the above because they just called my name.

19. Get weighed. Try not to look at weight since I am still recovering from the 5-star dinner with the hubby the weekend before.

20. Answer the same questions I’ve answered for the last 20 years. Note that this will be a whole lot more fun when I get Alzheimer’s and can just make up the answers, so that they can freak out for once.

21. Disrobe bottom half of my body…Oh, who am I kidding? This is when I really resembled Lady Godiva. Note that all paper gowns are just pieces of shaped paper faking it. Most of my gowns come with buttons or a zipper. They probably paid extra for the fastener-less ones–a cost they’ll surely pass on to my bill, which they didn’t need me to address.

22. Try to fain confidence as I’m chatting with the doctor.

23. Let her feel me up in every conceivable private part and thank the Lord she’s a she.

24. Re-robe again.

25. Do 2nd 50 yard dash back to main clinic building. Get even wetter.

26. Drip all over main clinic’s building somewhat immaculate floor.

27. Return to mammogram locale and try not to have flashbacks.

28. Go to an exam room smaller than my bedroom closet and try to disrobe bottom half of my sopping wet clothing. I think this is how pretzels are made.

29. Lay down on yet another exam table and allow another x-ray machine to scan me, head to toe, for bone mass density. Wonder if amount of radiation I’m enduring today will kill me tomorrow.

30. Re-robe for the 3rd freaking time. Note that I’ve now tracked mud all over exam room floor. Perhaps they could use the time they’re not addressing envelopes to put in actual sidewalks between clinic buildings???

31. Exit x-ray area again. Try not to have 2 flashbacks.

32. Go to Doctor # 2’s area, check in with receptionist # 99 and ask why they aren’t in the other clinic building so I could drip all over them, too.

33. Sign my life away yet again and wait for allergy shot.

34. Repeat process in # 17 and # 18.

35. Disrobe upper half of my body yet again. Get shot with the world’s thickest allergy serum yet again. Wonder if pouring thicker-than-molasses-in-April serum will slow down the varmints in my back yard who like attacking my new lawn chairs. It sure slows me down.

36. Re-robe for the 99th time. Take ticket to receptionist # 100  and pay for the privilege of being naked all morning long.

37. Do the 50 yard dash to my car. Drip all over my car.

38. Come home. Let dog out. Take off all wet items. Re-apply deodorant since I’m now offending myself.

39. Crawl under bed covers. Try to reclaim a semblance of dignity. Fail miserably.

40. Take a nap and hope the nightmare doesn’t return…for at least another year.

Point to Ponder Challenge: Women–When is the last time you had your “woman’s exam”? Is it time to schedule one? Are you apprehensive about it? If so, find a trusted friend to go with you and celebrate overcoming your anxiety afterwards with a nice lunch or shopping trip. Men–Is there a special lady in your life? If so, when was the last time she took care of these exams? If you think it’s been too long, ask her when she last went. Encourage her to get it done if it’s time and tell her you’re only reminding her because you care about her well-being. And…are YOU up-to-date on any pertinent check-ups, scans and tests? If not, be brave and get it done! Why? Because I care about YOU!

Tomorrow’s Post: Cheese, please…