Pumpkins

I, like many of you, have engaged in expressing my thankfulness for various aspects of my life. While I will probably do the same this Thanksgiving as my family gathers around that all-important turkey, I do find myself wishing I could be thankful for other things in the coming year. Some are simply sarcastic; some are serious. What would you add to this list?

1. That Congress and the White House remind themselves that they are paid, elected servants of the people of this country and will actually work together to accomplish some good things for Americans who want nothing more than to be self-sufficient.

2. That Ebola will be eradicated around the world.

3. That those protesting the unfair treatment of various races and nationalities will remember the concept of peaceful protest constructed by Gandhi and Martin Luther King.

4. That all countries will respect other countries’ borders and only enter and exit them legally.

5. That more and more of us will be prompted to eradicate the hunger and thirst of the thousands of people who die in Africa, every single day, as a result of extreme poverty and a lack of knowledge and supplies to take care of this on their own.

6. That my kids’ stuff will actually leave home with them.

7. That more people emulate Jesus‘ actions. I don’t care if you’re Christian or not; believe in Him or not. The Man set a wonderful example of how we should treat each other.

8. That I will run my first official race this year. If you’re expecting me to do the Ironman Triathlon this year, your expectations are going to be thrown to the ground and stomped on unceremoniously. Can we call the snail pace I run on my treadmill running???

9. That I will stay out of hospitals. It’s not that I’m adverse to visiting them; it’s when I take up residency there that I wish for a trip to Tahiti. I am getting way too familiar with hospital cafeteria menus and when to arrive in hospital parking lots to get the spot closest to the entrance.

10. That hurting people near us will come to Compassion Counseling Center for help.

11. That people/organizations will donate to Compassion Counseling Center so that we can produce simple brochures, business cards and flyers to let people know we are here to help. So far, that has not happened.Better yet, that people and organizations in our communities will spread the word about Compassion without us having to spending a dime for such materials.

12. That 2015 will bring great joy for my family and friends. Many of my friends have children getting married and having babies in 2015. What a wonderful way to continue the world.

13. That MaryAnn will get back to actually writing her book. Note to self: Locate rough draft.

14. That those who are sad, for whatever reason, will know that people care about them.

15. That I have the ability to give myself my own allergy shots and can travel with my hubby.

16. That the Texas Rangers will be injury-free. If this happens, get smelling salts for the DSL, his wife and half of Texas.

17. That the Backpack Buddies program in our community will be fully funded so that we can feed all food-insecure children in our community. A quarter a day keeps the “hungries” away.

18. That celebrities and professional athletes will take responsibility for their irresponsible and dangerous behavior. I’m severely tired of them hiding bad behavior and making excuses for it. Send that memo to politicians, too.

19. That I will learn patience. Yesterday.

20. That the last year of Women of Faith conferences will lead to bigger and better things and that God will select the people who will accompany me to this last conference in October 2015.

21. That our own little community and one even smaller community to the southwest of us will both win state championships in football. Both teams are stellar examples of what teenagers can accomplish when people believe in them. Pride about that successful school team often translates into success in the classroom and in other extracurricular pursuits.

22. That my children will be successful at their pursuits and be happy and healthy. They deserve such success. I am so proud to say that I miraculously got to be their mother or play at least a small role in their lives (Yes, my dear DSL, that includes you.)

23. That my hubby will continue to enjoy success in his career and be healthy. Why? Because he’s supporting all of the crazy causes and interests of his silly wife at the moment.

24. That my Thanksgiving dinners (Yes, plural) will be calorie-free. (A girl can hope.)

25. That chocolate will be calorie-free. (I’m sensing a theme here.)

26. That I will become a better Bible Study leader. (Given the little project described in # 11, this may take a miracle along the lines of the parting of the Red Sea.)

27. That our marriage makes it to anniversary # 33 and that we make it to “double-nickels” this year. Gray hairs, wrinkles, reading glasses, stubborn cellulite and arthritis are a victory dance. Given the arthritis, probably a slow victory dance.

28. That God will bless our church. Our church pretty much accepts people as they are and has a huge heart. They deserve to have a financially struggle-free year.

29. That I read my Bible every day, regardless of my ever-changing health, my sometimes-lousy attitude, and overly-long to do list.

30. That you and yours will also have much to be thankful for this year and the next. Your loyalty to this blog does not go unnoticed or unappreciated at this end. You are my energy, my enthusiasm and my inspiration when I write.

What do you hope to be thankful for in 2015? Comment below!

Friday’s Post: My Favorite Things Returns!

You Might Also Like: Lessons Learned from Starting a Nonprofit Counseling Center and Lessons I Probably Shouldn’t Have Learned at Women of Faith

Book Club Readers: Are you finished with # 6 of Songs in the Key of Solomon? No? That’s okay! It’s a very quick read. Get busy and start reading now!

Some months I don’t even need to comment on the holidays that somehow got onto the calendar. This would be one of those months. Read on to see what I mean, based on holidayinsights.com:

July 1st – Canada Day – Does that mean that Canada has a U.S. Day, eh?

July 2nd – World UFO Day – Remind me to stay away from Area 51 today.

July 3rd – Compliment Your Mirror Day – I never knew my mirror had an inferiority complex.

July 4th – Sidewalk Egg Frying Day – Unless you live in Canada.

July 5th – Work-a-Holics Day – Otherwise known, at my house, as Father’s Day

July 6th – National Fried Chicken Day – Since 7/4’s odd holiday precedes this odd holiday, we have now effectively answered which came first.

July 7th – Chocolate Day – It goes well with your sidewalk egg and fried chicken?

July 8th – Video Games Day – If you have a teen, this is every day.

July 9th – National Sugar Cookie Day – Yay! I always want to decorate Santa cookies in July.

July 10th – Teddy Bear Picnic Day – I don’t usually invite bears to my picnics.

July 11th – World Population Day – Are we supposed to procreate this day????

July 12th – Different Colored Eyes Day – Probably instituted by some woman who was “seeing red” one day and was “green with jealousy” the next day.

July 13th – Embrace Your Geekness Day – So that means The Big Bang Theory is on, right?

July 14th – National Nude Day – I don’t recommend celebrating this holiday at work.

July 15th – Cow Appreciation Day – Not to be confused with Cow Tipping Appreciation Day.

July 16th – Fresh Spinach Day – Remind me to make a date with Popeye.

July 17th – Yellow Pig Day – When you find a yellow pig, let me know.

July 18th – National Caviar Day – Because one can never have enough overpriced fish eggs

July 19th – National Raspberry Cake Day – Only if Pillsbury makes a raspberry cake mix.

July 20th – Ugly Truck Day – That’s every day in Texas.

July 21st – National Junk Food Day – Perhaps this is redundant since we had fried chicken, chocolate, sugar cookies and raspberry cake already?

July 22nd – Ratcatcher’s Day – I will happily celebrate anyone who catches rats.

July 23rd – National Hot Dog Day – Also known as “Maizie after she catches 5 frisbees in a row”.

July 24th – Amelia Earhart Day – We should always celebrate people who get lost.

July 25th – Threading the Needle Day – Only if I can find my reading glasses.

July 26th – Aunt & Uncle Day – I expect presents.

July 27th – Take Your Pants For A Walk Day – Preferably with you in them. I suppose, after National Nude Day, we need this reminder.

July 28th – National Milk Chocolate Day – Not to be confused with July 7th.

July 29th – National Lasagna Day – I always crave a dish that you bake in an oven in July.

July 30th – National Cheesecake Day  – The Golden Girls must have started this holiday.

July 31st – Mutt’s Day – For those who missed out on National Hot Dog Day.

Friday’s Post: # 238….

You Might Also Like: The Odd Days of June; The Odd Days of May; The Odd Days of January; The Odd Days of December; and The Odd Days of November

Book Club Members: Did Santa bring you Killing Jesus? I sure hope so, because we will start off the New Year next week with reading the latest from Bill O’Reilly.

WOW Lovers: Next Monday’s WOW will be a listing of words that Merriam-Webster Online is contemplating adding to its next edition. It’s currently listed as slang by that austere organization. Do you know the definitions for these words? I sure don’t!

Well, boys and girls (that seemed right simply because it’s Christmas Day), we’re finally at the end of the 12 Days of MIP. Today I give you a little insight into the two highest reader-viewed posts that I also like. If I were to arrange them in the order in which I liked them, the order would be somewhat different. In fact I think I would have listed # 2 as my top choice, but you, dear readers, chose differently for your top choice. Thus, in your order and in your honor:

Number 2:

Lessons Learned from Heart Attacks 3 & 4…

This post was one of the first to hit the MIP blog after my 2 heart attacks this past summer. The posts prior to this and some that came immediately after this post were largely serious and factual, but this one I reserved for just venting my complete and total frustration with the medical world–a world that is an all too familiar part of my life. While I understand that I’m definitely not a cardiologist or nurse and that their jobs are made especially tough by cases like mine that probably would be right up House’s alley, there are times when I wonder why these folks were given an RN or MD after their names. Click here to see what I mean.

Number 1: (Drum roll, please!)

It’s All About the Splash…

To be honest I wasn’t sure if this post would even warrant a glance from anyone. For one thing…it’s remarkably brief, which probably causes most of my readers to confuse it with a WOW post. But sometimes, when I’m brief, I’m at my best and this one may qualify in that category. Also, it’s sometimes difficult to get my thoughts onto paper or screen clearly and my fear, with this post, was that it wouldn’t make sense to anyone other than me. Thankfully, my dear readers “got it.” Click here to enter the “Splash Zone.”

Friday’s Post: The 12 Days AFTER Christmas…

You might also like: The 12 Days of MIP: 4 & 3; The 12 Days of MIP: 6 & 5; The 12 Days of MIP: 8 & 7; The 12 Days of MIP: 10 & 9; and The 12 Days of MIP: 12 & 11

A mere 4 years ago (2009) I walked, along with 3 wonderful women, 60 miles in 3 days. Yes, back-to-back-to-back days. If I can do it while closing in on the big 5-0, you can, too. (And I wasn’t the oldest chick on the course…by a long shot!) All you need is determination, love, compassion and support from your family and friends. Here’s what I learned from my 3 Day:

1. Pink foam bunny ears can be a hot commodity. Do not get in my teammate’s way when she’s hunting for them.

2. I still remember how to do the Bump to Kool & the Gang…unfortunately, I did not remember how inflexible and slow I am at doing it now.

3. Don’t get mesmerized by the pretty pink flags at the Opening Ceremony and wind up at the back of the walker crowd.

4. You can take any theme and turn it into something about boobs…the favorites? “Boobstock” by the 60s hippie push van, “We’re Busted” by the Jailhouse Rock push van, and “No booty, just ta-ta’s” by the Pirate push van.

5. When your feet get tired, walk past an elementary school, complete with a wide variety of cute pink ribbon pictures, tiny hands desperately trying to reach above their playground fence to give you a high five, and teachers with pink wigs and ties on.

6. Dallas cops are the best…they will stand, in their uniforms, in the hot, Texas sun all day to hold up traffic so you can get through busy intersections and still wave their pink foam bunny ears at you (and wear pink wigs and beads and flowers). They’ll even stage photos for you of them arresting you.

7. The orange safety crew is the most tireless group of people I’ve ever seen.

8. 3 Day mileage is not calculated the same way my car and my pedometer does it. Apparently, it’s computed twice as long.

9. Pink tents up ahead is your salvation.

10. The port-a-pots with the shortest lines are the farthest away from where you are standing.

11. It only takes 2 days to forget how to flush a toilet.

12. No matter how hard you try to keep from tearing the wipies, you’ll tear the wipies.

13. Actual soap and actual water is a luxury. Purex is a necessity.

14. Toilet paper is a luxury.

15. Take Imodium AD with you on the 3 Day…let’s not go into why.

16. I can retie my shoelaces, call the hubby, re-stretch my lower extremities and eat a package of baby carrots all during one light cycle at a Dallas intersection.

17. When you get winded, drink water.

18. When you get lightheaded, drink Gatorade.

19. When you get nauseous, suck it up, Princess.

20. The next great innovation for the 3 Day will be portable morphine IVs.

21. I want the adhesive tape concession next year.

22. My teammate is not very fond of  eating chicken for lunch.

23. Another teammate doesn’t like peel on her apples.

24. Sitting on acorns is actually comfy.

25. A curb is your friend at the pit stop…it’s your enemy while walking. (And who designed those mile-high versions????)

26. I have a new appreciation for handicap accessible sidewalks.

27. Warning signs need warnings.

28. Nowhere else will the pack of walkers ahead warn you of bikers, acorns, traffic sign poles, and uneven sidewalks.

29. It doesn’t matter what collegiate team you root for on the 3 Day…there is someone else there who roots for them as well.

30. When you think you can’t take it anymore, a cheer station complete with dogs in pink bandannas saying “Dogs for the Cure”, toddling little girls in tutus, the craziest signs, cold water, bubblegum, Twizzlers, Snickers, Starbursts, Starbucks, stickers, high fives, and your family and friends will do the trick. (I was ready to walk up mountains after that!)

31. Only at the 3 Day is it normal for the most macho men to wear pink boxers, pink sox, tutus and pink fanny packs.

32. Harley bikers are the most compassionate people in the world.

33. Smuckers PB and J’s, pocket bananas, and trail mix are da bomb.

34. A sea of hot pink tents is home.

35. Young, handsome, virile men walk on eggshells after the 2nd day of the 3 Day.

36. Your feet going numb is actually a good thing.

37. Speed is not the key on the 3rd day.

38. Irony is walking past the Hooters during the 3 day and no waitresses in orange shorts come out to greet you…as every other restaurant’s staff did.

39. The Dallas West End cheer station will make you feel like a rock star.

40. When the sign says, “Uptown”, it means it. Where the heck was the sign for “Downtown”?

41. Going down hurts as much as going up…pray for even sidewalks.

42. Narrow sidewalks are just annoying.

43. Homeowners who don’t trim their prickly bushes are now targeted for their trees getting TPed…that is, if we can find any TP.

44. Homeowners who don’t trim off their lower tree branches should see # 43.

45. Preston Hollow is one pretty neighborhood…no wonder George and Laura decided to move there.

46. Little girls in pink PJs on a Sunday morning will automatically make you smile and go Awww.

47. There is a little 3 year old boy who hit his daddy’s pitched ball “out of the park” and already has a 2900 member cheering base. He even knows how to tip his cap to his fans. Tell the Rangers to sign him now.

48. Yes, MaryAnn can be quiet…it’s called she’s composing her next FB note.

49. We now know my teammate’s  middle name…don’t ask.

50. Don’t ask the tall guy in the green, pink and white tutu to demonstrate his stretching techniques.

51. The Bra Bug is a photo op.

52. I am now a street walker…but no one wanted to pick me up this weekend, for some reason…oh, it might be my stench….and the Grand Canyons under my eyes.

53. Remind your teammates to put their underwear on right side out.

54. Remind yourself to put on deodorant.

55. Masseuses could make a fortune massaging feet and my kids can find the prettiest pink roses.

56. Nobody cares that your pedicure is 19 years old at lunchtime on the 3rd Day…they’re more impressed if you don’t have blister Band-Aids all over your foot.

57. Want applause? Do the entire Thriller dance at lunchtime on the 3rd Day of the 3 Day.

58. Don’t play “Party in the USA” around my teammates unless you wanna get slugged.

59. Amusing texts from family and friends are the only way to survive while on the 3 Day.

60. Your family and friends are now officially “Walker Stalkers”. 🙂

61. Where you walk on the 3 Day is apparently a national secret.

62. Daily route cards are more valuable than gold.

63. Dallas 3 Day walkers raised $ 7.5 million. Yet, there were only 2900 walkers (they’ll take 5000).

64. The number of volunteer crew members needed to run a 3 Day? 450.

65. The number of volunteer crew members with smiles on their faces and still shaking “their tail feathers” after 3 days? 450.

66. Kim can do Chemo on Friday, cheer for her team on Saturday and Sunday and be too sick to party with you afterward…she’s my hero.

67. You know your shoes stink when your husband sprays them with enough Axe for a third world country.

68. You know you stink when even you would prefer not to be around you.

69. Don’t get between my teammates and the wine.

70. I have the most supportive friends and family in the world, including those who wrote us all notes which we found at the 3 Day post office on Day 2.

71. The most beautiful sights in the world are an overweight woman and a pregnant woman limping along for the lumps.

72. You can jay walk for jugs!

73. 10 years ago I had trouble walking around the block after 2 heart attacks…this weekend I walked 60 miles….God is good. And yes, that will bring tears to my eyes.

74. Yes, I will cry at the opening and closing ceremonies…yes, me.

75. Breast Cancer still hasn’t been cured, but we’re making progress. Doing something that matters….matters.

In early November a friend of a friend, Ms. Janet Carter, will be walking her 2nd 3 Day. She walks in memory of a friend who lost her battle with breast cancer at the tender age of 24. Please donate so that she can qualify to walk for her by going to her page here.

I am shocked that Americans haven’t risen up and maxed out the limit for walkers at every 3 Day. Let’s show them how big the heart of America is. There is no such thing as too old, too fat, too creaky, too sick. There is no such thing as unable to raise the funds (It just takes some perseverance and some audacity and last time I checked, Americans are audacious.). There is no such thing as “It’s a bad time for me.” Four women with 7 jobs, families and working on 3 degrees managed to find the time. Start early, start now…the site is: http://www.the3day.org.

Love you all…thanks for what you did to try and stop breast cancer from harming those we love (and what you continue to do)…I’m sure you have saved a life….maybe more than one. Maybe you saved your own.

Friday’s Post: What took me so blessedly long to read this book?

You might also like: Lessons Learned from Walking 18 Miles and 15 Miles Back-to-Back and Lessons Learned from Walking 18.2 Miles…in the Rain

Oh, and using butter (in moderation) is okay, but margarine is absolutely taboo. To be fair, there are some fruits, vegetables, and healthier protein sources than what I’ve listed above. And Dr. Desmarais does advise using the above foods sparingly to take further care of your heart. 

But, I knew my mother was lying when she said I had to eat my vegetables. Thanks for the needless dinnertime torture and emotional trauma, Mom.

Now…you’ll have to excuse me, I have to go fry some bacon in some lard and eat some Froot Loops.

Monday’s Post: Who is a boffin? Yes, that was a hint….

You might also like: 100 Things I Plan to Do Now that I Don’t Share My Home with Teens or Kids 

Warning: You may want to get 2 beverages first.

The reality is that I started doing a lot of the following a long time ago. But perhaps the contemplative point is that we parents often don’t have time to realize just how much we change our previous lives when little ones enter our lives. Why don’t we have time? Just read below and you’ll probably figure it out. Here’s what I either am doing now that the kids are all out living their own lives or plan to do in the next few years:

1. Use up all the hot water for my shower.
2. Take fewer cold showers, thanks to # 1.
3. Quit doing a 1 am check of the living room for bodies playing Xbox Live after bedtime. And people wonder why I’m an insomniac.
4. Stop turning off all the lights in their end of the house.
5. Pet the dog.
6. Sip coffee on my back porch and do more of # 5.
7. Have a 2^nd cup of coffee on the back porch.
8. Actually water my plants.
9. Put photos in a photo album and actually use the hope chest for hope.
10. Talk to my husband about something other than what part of the house now needs to be repaired and which kid needs some “active parenting,” thanks to their latest “issues”.
11. Remind myself why I married the hubby…besides the fact that he makes a pretty good dad.
12. Spend all day in the Container store.
13. Actually go in an IKEA store. Hey, I live in a small town.
14. Go to Toys R Us and play with the toys instead of telling someone not to play with the toys.
15. While at Toys R Us, laugh wickedly at the moms telling their kids not to play with the toys.
16. Quit saving Limited, Too and Delia’s coupons.
17. Shop in stores filled with expensive, breakable items.
18. Actually venture into the china department at Macy’s.
19. Sit in a fast food restaurant, away from the Playland.
20. Go to matinees of non-animated movies on a weekday.
21. Make an exception to # 20 for movies with “minions” in them.
22. Have leisurely meals out with friends without worrying about having to pick up a kid from an extracurricular activity or put one to bed.
23. Quit instinctively putting my arm across the passenger seat when having to stop quickly in the car.
24. Put things in the back seat without worrying about which car seat it’s closest to.
25. Buy a sports car again (Yes, once upon a time MaryAnn owned something other than a mini-van and an SUV. Hard to believe, hunh?)…after the college moving years.
26. Have a Bachelor/Bachelorette watch party with my BFFs. Don’t hate.
27. Travel half as much as my hubby…buy a bigger suitcase.
28. Haunt Sam Moon to buy the bigger suitcase…on a weekday.
29. Stop closing down all the stores that stay “open late” during Christmas season because the hubby can only watch the kids for 1 long Saturday each December.
30. Stop listening for the “silence.” Revel in it, instead.
31. Stop lecturing and replace that with pointed, “open-ended” questions.
32. Read a book all in one sitting, like Hop on Pop.
33. Put treats in children’s hands instead of smacking them for reaching for the cookie jar right before dinner.
34. Yank out those infernal safety plugs in my outlets.
35. Take the safety latches off the cabinets with dangerous substances in them, like chocolate.
36. Organize the Tupperware cabinet and pots and pans cabinet and marvel at how it stays that way for a whole day.
37. Read the owner’s manual for my new cell phone.
38. Beam that my car interior no longer contains science experiments gone awry in the back seat, random cheerios, and the missing puzzle pieces.
39. Take the parental controls off the TV and home computer (They turned out to be a complete waste of time anyway with kids who were weaned on computers, etc.) Heck, throw the home computer out, since we all have smart phones, iPads, iPods, Xboxes, and laptops.
40. Use the wedding china and wash it by hand.
41. Buy necklaces that actually could be destroyed by chubby hands yanking a little too hard.
42. Wear dangly and hoop earrings again.
43. Leave the door open without expecting company in the bathroom at the most inappropriate times imaginable, like when I’m reading Hop on Pop.
44. Take showers without toddlers to save time on Sunday mornings.
45. Stop cutting up everyone else’s food while mine gets cold.
46. Stop evaluating furniture based on child-friendly features such as being indestructible during a nuclear bomb attack.
47. Use cloth diapers for dust rags instead of burping cloths.
48. Save money for retirement.
49. Pay off the mortgage.
50. Buy a dress when it’s at full retail price…in white.
51. Quit buying spray ‘n wash, bleach, sunscreen, aloe vera gel, Benadryl cream and bug repellant in 5 gallon drums.
52. Quit buying the 21 pack of lunch box sized chips.
53. Snuggle with my hubby on the couch in the living room and watch the Cosby show without having to move game controllers first.
54. Still laugh at # 53.
55. Make a real pizza.
56. Stop closing drawers…everywhere.
57. Marvel at the balance in the checkbook.
58. Marvel that the checkbook is actually balanced.
59. Marvel that you can now balance the checkbook online. This happened while I wasn’t sleeping at night, right?
60. Talk to my girlfriends on the phone without having to say, “Just a minute…” and then putting my hand over the receiver while I berate some errant child.
61. Quit giving the “look” to my children from across a crowded room. Instead, give the “smile” to my hubby across a crowded room.
62. Move the beer and the wine into the main refrigerator.
63. Make room for # 62 by getting rid of lunchables, juice boxes, juice, Gatorade, and the Pedialyte.
64. Get rid of the freezer and the side of beef and whole hog that used to inhabit it on a regular basis.
65. Start stocking up on the “noisy” toys to give my future grandchildren. Laugh wickedly when their parents realize  that these toys don’t come with an optional ear bud plug-in.
66. Add on to my Christmas village collection and put it on a really low table.
67. Use tweezers to actually tweeze something, as opposed to pulling out splinters.
68. Quit explaining what plethora means.
69. Marvel at how trash cans can stay empty for an entire week.
70. Marvel at how the bathroom sink can stay clean for longer than 5 minutes.
71. Marvel at the difference in color of the floor when it doesn’t have ketchup on it.
72. Marvel at how the former boys’ bedrooms no longer smell like a gym locker.
73. Marvel at how bathroom towels remain on the towel bar, neatly folded.
74. Stop banning permanent markers and sharp scissors from the house.
75. Give away the “Sex Talk” books.
76. Stop saying, “We only talk about that at home.”
77. Stop having a panic attack when I hear a school bus approach.
78. Actually leave the house without having to return to the house 5 times for the favorite blankie, teddy bear, cheerios snack container, extra diapers and stray church shoe.
79. Use the oven for something other than a frozen pizza or frozen cookie dough.
80. Let my hair grow longer than my chin and refuse to put it up in a ponytail.
81. Contemplate my navel.
82. Stop eating food that’s “cute” or smiling back at me with a fruity set of lips.
83. Stop evaluating restaurants based on whether they have a drive-thru lane, happy meals, a kids menu or a Rooty-Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity option.
84. Go back to “school” shopping for me. I plan to buy books with $ 20 words in them, try on oodles of cute blazers, vests and blouses that actually require ironing, and get myself a really, really tiny purse.
85. Use the Irish linen tablecloth my dad gave my mother after returning from being stationed in Scotland without being concerned for its permanent demise.
86. Use my grandmother’s hand-tatted lace placemats more than once a year.
87. Listen to my music in my car.
88. Be thankful I no longer know all the words to the songs on Barney, whether I wanted to know them or not.
89. Take a trip without the children and not write a novel for the person responsible for caring or checking on our children/teens.
90. Arrive somewhere on time or maybe…wait…can it be…5 minutes early. Be still my heart.
91. Stop bribing the dentist’s receptionist to watch my kids while I’m in “the chair.” She now drives a Mercedes. Must have a wealthy spouse.
92. Stop paying babysitters Steve Jobs’ last annual salary for 1 hour of babysitting because your children are that “challenging.” I heard, last week, that those sitters now own JC Penney.
93. Start investing in Apple instead of paying them.
94. Observe my children, not to correct or praise their behavior, but to notice which up and coming companies are worthy of my e-trade money.
95. Sleep in without worrying about whether a kid got up for school on time.
96. Stop buzzing through the living room every 15 minutes when the boyfriend or girlfriend is over for the evening.
97. When I stub my toe, stop exclaiming “Sheee’s a really nice person” or “Dammmmmmmmmmms are places where beavers live.”
98. Stop looking around before I open my lingerie drawer.
99. Be a little wistful that one era of my life has passed and…
100. Admire the adults I now refer to as my offspring because they stopped being kids a long, long time ago, in spite of their flawed parenting. 

Picture picture

Last week’s Word of the Week (WOW) was aegis. There are 3 definitions for it at Merriam-Webster Online and I have a sneaky suspicion that the first one is largely archaic, but thanks to a resurgent interest in mythology cinematically, maybe it’s getting a little more usage these days. Here’s what m-w.com had to say on the subject: 1) a shield or breastplate emblematic of majesty that was associated with Zeus and Athena 2) protection or controlling or conditioning influence and 3) auspices, control or guidance especially by an individual, group, or system. When I think about those last 2 definitions, I do believe I have heard this word in actual usage, but if it means auspices, why not just use the much more popular auspices???

Way too serious for a Monday? Okay…On to the WOW for this week, which is roseate. Here are my definition guesses for roseate:

roseate: (ˈrō-zē-ət) 1. when the dog eats your roses (a very real possibility at my house…sigh) 2. Ross’ seat in  le France 3. the lunch Rosie the Riveter had while working at the factory in WWII. You’re welcome for the bonus history lesson today.

So, what are your guesses for roseate??? Leave a comment below regarding your guess (or just the fact that my guesses are under the aegis of insanity)

Tomorrow’s Post: What act of kindness did you do for a selfless teacher?

You might also like: Word of the Week: aegis; Word of the Week: meretricious; Word of the Week: sangfroid; Word of the Week: eurytopic; Word of the Week: balneology

Directions: Submit the best answer for each survey question  in the Comment box at the bottom of your screen. Thank you for your feedback. It will ensure better care for our current and future patients.

1. When treating you for 2 heart attacks, do you prefer:

a. That we endlessly ask you your prehistoric birthdate
b. That we use you as our own personal pin cushion
c. That we bump you down the main thoroughfare of your town on a gurney at 1 am
d. That we call you “Mrs. Hook” during your Care Flite

2. When arriving at the heart catheterization lab, do you prefer:

a. To spend 20 minutes greeting the entire team of people about to surgically cut you open
b. To receive as little anesthetic as possible so you can feel the actual incision
c. To be asked to take deep breaths during your snoozefest
d. To hear “Oops” while we look at your heart on a computer

3. While in the Cardiac Intensive Care Unit, do you prefer:

a. For us to re-enact World War II outside your open room door at 2 am
b. To shine bright lights in your eyes precisely when you have just fallen asleep
c. To be convinced you’re a drug addict (after a 14 year hiatus from the last morphine drip) within the first 24 hours of your arrival
d. To ask you to use a bedpan with knives protruding from the seat

4. How was your level of pain controlled?

a. I was comatose until I was out of pain. Rip Van Winkle had fitful sleep by comparison.
b. I vaguely recall being hospitalized and someone calling me Mrs. Hook.
c. I would have slept but it sounded like the re-enactment of World War II outside my door.
d. When did you get the bedpan with knives on top???

5. How courteous and polite were your nurses?

a. I felt like Kate, minus the baby bump.
b. I felt like Zuckerberg’s wife.
c. I felt like Paula Deen.
d. I felt like the bottom of an urban dumpster.

6. How long did your discharge take?

a. Tom Cruise (while in his Top Gun fighter jet) discharged me.
b. Marco Andretti discharged me.
c. Grandma Moses painted an entire gallery of million dollar art while I waited for discharge.
d. Snails have moved faster.

7. If you were to improve one area of our operation, what would it be?

a. Quit employing vampires for lab technicians.
b. Stop asking you survey questions that raise your blood pressure.
c. Empty that bedpan more than every 48 hours.
d. Cease to refer to the procedural routine of the hospital as an “operation.”

8. How was your follow-up care after your discharge?

a. I can’t get any sleep because I keep getting phone surveys from your “operation.”
b. I have repeated nightmares about being an addict.
c. It only took 7 weeks to make my 2 month check-up appointment.
d. I am Kate. Maybe I do have an addiction?

You might also like: Lessons Learned from Completing a Hospital Survey, This I Just Can’t Resist,Lessons Learned from Heart Attacks 3 & 4