Warning: You may want to get 2 beverages first.

The reality is that I started doing a lot of the following a long time ago. But perhaps the contemplative point is that we parents often don’t have time to realize just how much we change our previous lives when little ones enter our lives. Why don’t we have time? Just read below and you’ll probably figure it out. Here’s what I either am doing now that the kids are all out living their own lives or plan to do in the next few years:

1. Use up all the hot water for my shower.
2. Take fewer cold showers, thanks to # 1.
3. Quit doing a 1 am check of the living room for bodies playing Xbox Live after bedtime. And people wonder why I’m an insomniac.
4. Stop turning off all the lights in their end of the house.
5. Pet the dog.
6. Sip coffee on my back porch and do more of # 5.
7. Have a 2^nd cup of coffee on the back porch.
8. Actually water my plants.
9. Put photos in a photo album and actually use the hope chest for hope.
10. Talk to my husband about something other than what part of the house now needs to be repaired and which kid needs some “active parenting,” thanks to their latest “issues”.
11. Remind myself why I married the hubby…besides the fact that he makes a pretty good dad.
12. Spend all day in the Container store.
13. Actually go in an IKEA store. Hey, I live in a small town.
14. Go to Toys R Us and play with the toys instead of telling someone not to play with the toys.
15. While at Toys R Us, laugh wickedly at the moms telling their kids not to play with the toys.
16. Quit saving Limited, Too and Delia’s coupons.
17. Shop in stores filled with expensive, breakable items.
18. Actually venture into the china department at Macy’s.
19. Sit in a fast food restaurant, away from the Playland.
20. Go to matinees of non-animated movies on a weekday.
21. Make an exception to # 20 for movies with “minions” in them.
22. Have leisurely meals out with friends without worrying about having to pick up a kid from an extracurricular activity or put one to bed.
23. Quit instinctively putting my arm across the passenger seat when having to stop quickly in the car.
24. Put things in the back seat without worrying about which car seat it’s closest to.
25. Buy a sports car again (Yes, once upon a time MaryAnn owned something other than a mini-van and an SUV. Hard to believe, hunh?)…after the college moving years.
26. Have a Bachelor/Bachelorette watch party with my BFFs. Don’t hate.
27. Travel half as much as my hubby…buy a bigger suitcase.
28. Haunt Sam Moon to buy the bigger suitcase…on a weekday.
29. Stop closing down all the stores that stay “open late” during Christmas season because the hubby can only watch the kids for 1 long Saturday each December.
30. Stop listening for the “silence.” Revel in it, instead.
31. Stop lecturing and replace that with pointed, “open-ended” questions.
32. Read a book all in one sitting, like Hop on Pop.
33. Put treats in children’s hands instead of smacking them for reaching for the cookie jar right before dinner.
34. Yank out those infernal safety plugs in my outlets.
35. Take the safety latches off the cabinets with dangerous substances in them, like chocolate.
36. Organize the Tupperware cabinet and pots and pans cabinet and marvel at how it stays that way for a whole day.
37. Read the owner’s manual for my new cell phone.
38. Beam that my car interior no longer contains science experiments gone awry in the back seat, random cheerios, and the missing puzzle pieces.
39. Take the parental controls off the TV and home computer (They turned out to be a complete waste of time anyway with kids who were weaned on computers, etc.) Heck, throw the home computer out, since we all have smart phones, iPads, iPods, Xboxes, and laptops.
40. Use the wedding china and wash it by hand.
41. Buy necklaces that actually could be destroyed by chubby hands yanking a little too hard.
42. Wear dangly and hoop earrings again.
43. Leave the door open without expecting company in the bathroom at the most inappropriate times imaginable, like when I’m reading Hop on Pop.
44. Take showers without toddlers to save time on Sunday mornings.
45. Stop cutting up everyone else’s food while mine gets cold.
46. Stop evaluating furniture based on child-friendly features such as being indestructible during a nuclear bomb attack.
47. Use cloth diapers for dust rags instead of burping cloths.
48. Save money for retirement.
49. Pay off the mortgage.
50. Buy a dress when it’s at full retail price…in white.
51. Quit buying spray ‘n wash, bleach, sunscreen, aloe vera gel, Benadryl cream and bug repellant in 5 gallon drums.
52. Quit buying the 21 pack of lunch box sized chips.
53. Snuggle with my hubby on the couch in the living room and watch the Cosby show without having to move game controllers first.
54. Still laugh at # 53.
55. Make a real pizza.
56. Stop closing drawers…everywhere.
57. Marvel at the balance in the checkbook.
58. Marvel that the checkbook is actually balanced.
59. Marvel that you can now balance the checkbook online. This happened while I wasn’t sleeping at night, right?
60. Talk to my girlfriends on the phone without having to say, “Just a minute…” and then putting my hand over the receiver while I berate some errant child.
61. Quit giving the “look” to my children from across a crowded room. Instead, give the “smile” to my hubby across a crowded room.
62. Move the beer and the wine into the main refrigerator.
63. Make room for # 62 by getting rid of lunchables, juice boxes, juice, Gatorade, and the Pedialyte.
64. Get rid of the freezer and the side of beef and whole hog that used to inhabit it on a regular basis.
65. Start stocking up on the “noisy” toys to give my future grandchildren. Laugh wickedly when their parents realize  that these toys don’t come with an optional ear bud plug-in.
66. Add on to my Christmas village collection and put it on a really low table.
67. Use tweezers to actually tweeze something, as opposed to pulling out splinters.
68. Quit explaining what plethora means.
69. Marvel at how trash cans can stay empty for an entire week.
70. Marvel at how the bathroom sink can stay clean for longer than 5 minutes.
71. Marvel at the difference in color of the floor when it doesn’t have ketchup on it.
72. Marvel at how the former boys’ bedrooms no longer smell like a gym locker.
73. Marvel at how bathroom towels remain on the towel bar, neatly folded.
74. Stop banning permanent markers and sharp scissors from the house.
75. Give away the “Sex Talk” books.
76. Stop saying, “We only talk about that at home.”
77. Stop having a panic attack when I hear a school bus approach.
78. Actually leave the house without having to return to the house 5 times for the favorite blankie, teddy bear, cheerios snack container, extra diapers and stray church shoe.
79. Use the oven for something other than a frozen pizza or frozen cookie dough.
80. Let my hair grow longer than my chin and refuse to put it up in a ponytail.
81. Contemplate my navel.
82. Stop eating food that’s “cute” or smiling back at me with a fruity set of lips.
83. Stop evaluating restaurants based on whether they have a drive-thru lane, happy meals, a kids menu or a Rooty-Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity option.
84. Go back to “school” shopping for me. I plan to buy books with $ 20 words in them, try on oodles of cute blazers, vests and blouses that actually require ironing, and get myself a really, really tiny purse.
85. Use the Irish linen tablecloth my dad gave my mother after returning from being stationed in Scotland without being concerned for its permanent demise.
86. Use my grandmother’s hand-tatted lace placemats more than once a year.
87. Listen to my music in my car.
88. Be thankful I no longer know all the words to the songs on Barney, whether I wanted to know them or not.
89. Take a trip without the children and not write a novel for the person responsible for caring or checking on our children/teens.
90. Arrive somewhere on time or maybe…wait…can it be…5 minutes early. Be still my heart.
91. Stop bribing the dentist’s receptionist to watch my kids while I’m in “the chair.” She now drives a Mercedes. Must have a wealthy spouse.
92. Stop paying babysitters Steve Jobs’ last annual salary for 1 hour of babysitting because your children are that “challenging.” I heard, last week, that those sitters now own JC Penney.
93. Start investing in Apple instead of paying them.
94. Observe my children, not to correct or praise their behavior, but to notice which up and coming companies are worthy of my e-trade money.
95. Sleep in without worrying about whether a kid got up for school on time.
96. Stop buzzing through the living room every 15 minutes when the boyfriend or girlfriend is over for the evening.
97. When I stub my toe, stop exclaiming “Sheee’s a really nice person” or “Dammmmmmmmmmms are places where beavers live.”
98. Stop looking around before I open my lingerie drawer.
99. Be a little wistful that one era of my life has passed and…
100. Admire the adults I now refer to as my offspring because they stopped being kids a long, long time ago, in spite of their flawed parenting. 

The hubby’s birthday is in a few days and while some of you may remember this note from FB last year, he hasn’t had the chance to see it himself. (He chooses not to be on FB, which would probably be his only fault.) Here’s what I wrote last year: 

Since I have already written lessons I have learned from the hubby last year at this time, I have decided, after spending 12 non-stop days with said hubby (on a vacation to wonderful Alaska) that I should add to the reasons why I’ve decided that spending eternity with this guy is an okay thing to do.  You see, I have not spent 12 days straight with the hubby since before he started working for his present company in 1983.  But, while we make this work and actually work well, we are never really apart.  He calls me every night when he’s away and that started when we were dating. And that leads me to Number 1 and Number 2…

1. He has his priorities straight.  The hubby and I started dating when he was the student manager of the Purdue University dairy.  That meant many potential date nights had to take place at the dairy, because he was “on duty.”  And somehow he made going to that dairy fun and interesting.  One night we were leaning on the fence and enjoying a wonderful Indiana country sunset and one cow came up to the fence to have my hubby scratch her nose.  His comment, “How can you not believe in God when you look at this sunset and this cow?  Both are an engineering and artistic miracle.”  I think I fell in love with him for the first time in that moment. God has always been at the top of his list for all we have done, even though adhering to that was not easy for him.  He even made the DSL promise that our future grandchildren be raised in the faith.  That’s my man.

2. I am next on his priority list.  Despite his hectic schedule and the financial demands of a mortgage, 4 college educations, endless lessons and league fees, etc., the hubby would rather spend his free time and extra cash on me…to a fault.  He very much spoils me rotten.  When I tell him he has spoiled me, he says, “That’s the way I want it.”

3. The kids (and yes, this now includes the DSL) are next after me. Do not get me wrong: If you are my hubby’s kid, I have pity for you, because he refuses to have anything other than the very best from his children in all that they do. If you are told to mow the grass, you’d better mow it with a vengeance! But, that’s just because he demands this of himself.  Let me be clear:  He knows he’s far from perfect and he does not expect perfection from his children, but if he suspects you slacked, you are in big trouble! On the flip side, he would give every one of his “kids” the shirt off his back. If you are his friend or “adopted,” then you can pretty much expect the same. Yes, the hubby has his own set of “adopteds.”

4. He’s ambitious.  I prefer “achievement-oriented.” His visions for the future are as big as the state he lives in.  And there is always a future in his mind.  Example:  I marry him and 4 seconds later he wants to buy a $ 3 million dairy farm. Fortunately, he referred to # 2, saw the petrified look on my face and decided against it. But, that’s my honey. Everything is a big idea!  What’s even more scary is that he usually executes these big ideas ahead of schedule.

5. I can have big eyes for a fabulous dinner menu and never worry about finishing my dinner. Hubby to the Rescue!

6. He’s good at just about everything he does. It’s just fun to watch him try new things.  However, I will always be better at yoga than he.  Unfortunately for me, he. Does. Not. Care. Grr.

7. He can cook and he likes it.  This is essential for one who can cook and does not like it.  And yet, he graciously allows me to make all my comfort foods at Thanksgiving and Christmas.  I particularly like that he makes semi-homemade pancakes for his kids almost every Saturday morning along with omelets and bacon/sausage.  They think he’s the only one who can do so.  🙂

8. He gives back to the community.  If there is a worthy cause, Bruce will do what he can to help out.  You may not always know that he helped, but he probably did. He really does not want the accolades, particularly if he’s doing it for the church, but he’s there when you need him.

9. He seldom misses the big moments in his kids’ lives. Even though he manages almost 1/3 of the U.S. for his company, he works his schedule so that he can be there as much as humanly possible.

10. He’s passionate and enthusiastic.  If he does it, if he experiences it, if he supports it, it’s to the nth degree.  There’s seldom a question about how he feels about something, good, bad or indifferent.  He has more energy in his pinkie (even now) than I have in my entire body…on a good day…a really good day.

11. He’s concerned about his country, his world, and his company.  I’ve seen him forego things that would easily benefit him to take care of someone else a world away, just because it’s the right thing to do and promotes goodness long-term. I wouldn’t argue with him on politics and right and wrong. You’ll lose…trust me.

Are there things about the hubby that drive me crazy?  Absolutely.  In fact, I have a rather lengthy list.  But, would I gladly live with these things to enjoy the “ride” with him and all of the stuff listed above all over again?  Yes, indeedy.  Time and time again, despite his imperfections, he has proven he understands agape love.  I want to grow up someday and be the female version of him.

Happy Birthday, my love!  Enjoy another year of extreme awesomeness!  You deserve it. Oh…and Happy Birthday to his lovely sis and nephew, who happen to have birthdays today!

Monday’s Post: More dictionary fun….Word of the Week!

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